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Thread: Grading Session for Week 151

  1. #1
    The Lurker <span style='color: #FFFFFF'><span class='glow_008080'>swaswj</span></span>'s Avatar
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    Grading Session for Week 151

    [Be] -> [Oc] -> [Aq] -> [Be]

    The grading groups and their graders are currently as follows:

    [Ca] Castus - Inactive Members

    Castus List
    Bish
    Cheese
    Dil
    Freckles
    Griff
    Iron_Void
    Kaze
    Ketch
    Lambo
    Loko
    Nella
    Puppet
    Regulus (Oc)
    Resh
    Shrub
    Sparx
    Switch
    Tetsu
    Zerieth

    [Oc] Occultus - Will
    Bob
    Doc
    Finny
    Moon
    Thread
    Bunz

    [Be] Bellator - Will
    Berri
    Dys
    Kago
    Minj
    Rob
    Shade

    [Aq] Aquila - Will
    Hare
    Sev
    Thana
    Val
    Vin
    Grif
    Bats

    The Rotation for the month of July 2017 is:

    [Be] -> [Aq] -> [Oc] -> [Be]

    Please post your thread titles beginning with your grading group, then the week number, like follows:
    [Ca] Week 01: Title Should Be Here

    Grades are due by 11:59 PM EST on Tuesday

  2. #2
    The Lurker <span style='color: #FFFFFF'><span class='glow_008080'>swaswj</span></span>'s Avatar
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    Bitter Dregs (1371)

    I like how you took Lottie's involvement with all of the characters into her finally putting them together in her hunt. We could have done with more explanation of how Harper was spotted in Aridus, though. He was keeping pretty low-key when last we saw him. However, it serves its role of getting things in motion, stirring the plot. Lottie as a character is pretty interesting since she doesn't seem to do much through personal strength, but instead, as is her character, handles situations by managing information and disinformation. Good stuff.

    +100 Faction

    Dys - 137/137 + 100 Faction

    Will You Be My Eyes in the Sky (2515)

    I have to say, Diamantus never seems very secretive, but her cockiness seems ingrained in her personality, so it makes sense. I feel like it has to be the efforts of those loyal to her that keeps her safe, though, more than any efforts at subterfuge on her part. She's so assured of the righteousness of her cause, she immediately assumes people are either for her or against her and commits wholeheartedly both ways.

    With Dante, I like seeing a little more of what motivates him, a combination of thrill-seeking and a gambler's itch. The slippery slope that began with attending that one meeting now has him accepting surreptitious jobs that pop up at lunch time.

    One thing the collab needed was more pacing, I feel. It was a very rapid transition from the restaurant to the seedier part of town and past the thugs. That altercation, brief as it was, was great. It highlights Diamantus and her confidence again, but also shows that she made a good choice in grabbing a star athlete, someone who has honed their body in competition.

    "...I'm not talking about blackmail, by the way, just information that we store away and bring out when we need to in order to make sure decent decisions are made by people at the top."
    I mean... that sounds like blackmail.

    A suggestion comes to mind: if people are going to recognize Dante, that should be something Diamantus is prepared to use to her advantage in some way. Otherwise, it doesn't serve much purpose to grab someone famous.

    Small typos here and there, but nothing egregious. Threads, be sure not to get too passive with your turns. Nothing says collabs have to be 50/50, but this one ran 70/30, and mostly involved Dante agreeing with Diamantus. It's understandable, Moon was leading the plot and that put the onus on him to write a lot, but you could help by expanding on the surroundings, adding more depth to the setting and atmosphere.

    +100 Faction each

    Moon - 123/126 + 100 Faction
    Thread - 120/126 + 100 Faction

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