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  1. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 376: Iterum - Feedback

    I believe you had said something about this reminding you of the scene from Doctor Strange, and I can see that. However, I think it's done really well here and that's not such an easy thing to get across in writing. Starting off, I like the change in perspective, being present tense instead of...
  2. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 370: A Sick Man's Dreams: Good and Gone - Feedback

    I'll be honest, I really struggled with this one. It's been so long since I read the previous portions that I had trouble recalling who everyone is, and having most of them referred to only by their hair color did little to clear things up. By the end of this, I'm still not sure who's who, what...
  3. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 367: Conspiracy and Observation - Feedback

    My first thought when reading through this chapter is: More. It's a good chapter, probably could have been combined with the previous chapter for a more complete picture, but I wanted more. More of the introduction, showing Aeria at rest, more convincing from Laermont (given the circumstances...
  4. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 365: Conversations and Conferences - Feedback

    This felt rather short on its own, and so there's not a lot to compliment or critique. I do think it would have been good to give more complete introductions of characters when we haven't seen Laermont interact with them for a while, but that's reaching for commentary.
  5. swaswj

    Reviewed [Collab] Week 364: A Strange Acquaintance Made - Feedback

    (I feel compelled to point out... Aeria is the one who rescued him. Aeria piloted the ship that pulled Lea out of the ocean. A rather small ship, so they certainly saw each other there!) I'm not used to seeing this side of your writing, Moon, and I rather appreciate a more emotional...
  6. swaswj

    Reviewed [Collab] Week 360: Tension, Reunion - Feedback

    It's not a perfect translation, but 'terriculum' is meant to be something like terror-smith, because Latin didn't have any fitting words for gunsmith. Somehow it just struck me as funny to see 'terriculum class' with that in mind. It may sound sadistic, but I rather enjoy just how strained and...
  7. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 362: Plans and Pondering - Feedback

    I feel like we need a better term for biologicals. I've used it myself, but every time I read it, it feels unnatural. Something to muse on for later. Like the previous chapter, I appreciate the details you give in describing the setting. It adds just enough life to the location that it feels...
  8. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 358: Metallic Meditations - Feedback

    I love the descriptiveness throughout the chapter. It's a unique blend of spiritual, intellectual, and calculating. While I haven't read anything exactly like it, this immediately feels right for the mind of an investigator: using his captivity to pore over evidence in his mind, with acute...
  9. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 357: Stymied Search, Control Failure - Feedback

    I'll say up front that I'm never a fan of the trope wherein a villain has the protagonists captured and leaves them alive without a clear justification. I'm not saying there is no justification, either, but it wasn't made apparent through the writing. Based on what I do know, I'd assume that...
  10. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 357: The First Last - Feedback

    The tonal shift was a welcome one, and I like seeing someone else's portrayal of Lupanar. The world-building throughout the chapter is great and I enjoyed the little bits of personality from our three new characters. I still have my concerns from the previous chapter about why Micali has any...
  11. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 356: Black Blood - Feedback

    I'm sorry to say but... just like that, you've lost me. If I complained about the trope where a character inexplicably doesn't kill their target when they have the chance, that's nothing compared to how much I hate the trope of someone not only holding all the cards, but guess what, they made...
  12. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 356: The Bullet's Bliss - Feedback

    The whirlwind of emotions rushing through Micali is intense. You do a fantastic job describing a woman torn between sorrow and rage, and the way Micali struggles with upholding what Rosa would want and what Micali herself wants is certainly relatable. The descriptions of how she relishes in the...
  13. swaswj

    Reviewed [Ca] 359: The Color Before the Sun - Feedback

    The morose way that Artanis thinks as he goes unnoticed really stands out compared to his staunch bravado prior to the Black Portal. Seeing the different sides of his character makes it really enjoyable and fleshes out this flesh-less character. There isn't really a lot I can say here except...
  14. swaswj

    Reviewed [Ca] Week 356: Bleeding the Orchid - Feedback

    Damn I missed your writing, Alan. There's never been a lot of it, but it never fails to satisfy. Demvir are always interesting to read about, and I think that you've done a great job of portraying the timelessness inherent in the long-lived machina. Not just in the sense that they do live for...
  15. swaswj

    Reviewed [Aq] Week 355: Instruction of the Lifted - Feedback

    Feels like you took my words to heart. This chapter has the best of both worlds with Deni spilling his guilt-ridden backstory and more meat in the details for the crafting. Deni's past has always been mysterious and I had probably a half-dozen ideas of what it might be, but this wasn't what I...
  16. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 355: Tristitia: The Cataclysm Bunker - Feedback

    This is only a 4-parter? You continue doing a marvelous job of building tension while Tristitia ventures out into the town, seeing the physical aftermath of the attacks, telling us it wasn't just a spirit attack, it wasn't just in her imagination, there was actual destruction, meaning there's...
  17. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 355: Tristitia: The Screaming Absence - Feedback

    One thing I forgot to mention in the previous comments: your description of the storm is excellent, really building up the tense atmosphere, adding an air of dread. This is a town that should be used to storms, and at no point does it seem like that's not taken into account: they know storms and...
  18. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 355: Tristitia: The Heartbeat Key - Feedback

    Tristitia is younger than I realized; I had pictured her as a young adult. The bond between her and Vigil was nicely illustrated, and while at first I was going to say that everyone was a little too accepting of Libra's return, I had to remind myself that there was no body, so there was always...
  19. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 355: Gray Feathers - Feedback

    Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 355: Gray Feathers by swaswj.
  20. swaswj

    Week 355: Gray Feathers

    Gray Feathers Wordcount: 1200 Feathery brows beaded with worry. Havital Vicarious was settled into his office, poring over shipping routes and airship schedules, considering prices, time, availability. He would be leaving a multitude of cases unresolved. Already, he had taken down detailed...