Search results

  • Ready to join Post Terminus?

    Click to get started and submit your first character.

    Getting Started
  1. swaswj

    Reviewed [Ca] Week 356: Bleeding the Orchid - Feedback

    Damn I missed your writing, Alan. There's never been a lot of it, but it never fails to satisfy. Demvir are always interesting to read about, and I think that you've done a great job of portraying the timelessness inherent in the long-lived machina. Not just in the sense that they do live for...
  2. swaswj

    Reviewed [Aq] Week 355: Instruction of the Lifted - Feedback

    Feels like you took my words to heart. This chapter has the best of both worlds with Deni spilling his guilt-ridden backstory and more meat in the details for the crafting. Deni's past has always been mysterious and I had probably a half-dozen ideas of what it might be, but this wasn't what I...
  3. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 355: Tristitia: The Cataclysm Bunker - Feedback

    This is only a 4-parter? You continue doing a marvelous job of building tension while Tristitia ventures out into the town, seeing the physical aftermath of the attacks, telling us it wasn't just a spirit attack, it wasn't just in her imagination, there was actual destruction, meaning there's...
  4. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 355: Tristitia: The Screaming Absence - Feedback

    One thing I forgot to mention in the previous comments: your description of the storm is excellent, really building up the tense atmosphere, adding an air of dread. This is a town that should be used to storms, and at no point does it seem like that's not taken into account: they know storms and...
  5. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 355: Tristitia: The Heartbeat Key - Feedback

    Tristitia is younger than I realized; I had pictured her as a young adult. The bond between her and Vigil was nicely illustrated, and while at first I was going to say that everyone was a little too accepting of Libra's return, I had to remind myself that there was no body, so there was always...
  6. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 355: Gray Feathers - Feedback

    Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 355: Gray Feathers by swaswj.
  7. swaswj

    Week 355: Gray Feathers

    Gray Feathers Wordcount: 1200 Feathery brows beaded with worry. Havital Vicarious was settled into his office, poring over shipping routes and airship schedules, considering prices, time, availability. He would be leaving a multitude of cases unresolved. Already, he had taken down detailed...
  8. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 355: Wake - Feedback

    The use of second-person was unexpected but a great way to share that feeling of confusion and fear with the reader. It works well in this context, although one change I would have made, would be to position it as present tense rather than past tense. It's all a preference, though, not right or...
  9. swaswj

    Reviewed [Aq] Week 353: Innovation of the Lowered - Feedback

    I'm left wondering what to think of this one. I think it was a good choice to approach it from an outside character's perspective, but it feels remarkably out of place for Deni to just throw those details out there like that. From earlier reading, I had the impression that before he met Ignis...
  10. swaswj

    The Villains and Antagonists in Post Terminus

    Well, since no one else is going first, I'll lead off with the criminal organization I created within Lupanar. I don't expect everyone to lore-dump as much as this! As a reminder, the Lupanar District in Terminus is essentially a safe haven from law enforcement, but that doesn't mean it's truly...
  11. swaswj

    The Villains and Antagonists in Post Terminus

    Villains and Antagonists in Post Terminus I got to thinking of something, and I thought it might be fun to talk about some of the 'bad guys' in Post Terminus. First off, I'd love to hear what people see as villainous forces in the world, but also give a chance for people to talk a bit about the...
  12. swaswj

    Reviewed Collab - Week 351: The Hunt, Reprised - Feedback

    Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Collab - Week 351: The Hunt, Reprised by swaswj.
  13. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 325: Alchemic Intentions - Feedback

    As I said in the previous chapter, I appreciate seeing Vita lean more heavily into the machine side. It's not how most demvir work, and not really how most should work, but it helps Vita to stand out as an exception. And again, I feel like it suits his organic-hating nature. I already like what...
  14. swaswj

    Reviewed [PC] Week 325: The Fracture: The Amber Forest V: Tinkerbell - Feedback

    (Someone had told me they were going to be reviewing this, and I didn't realize that never happened. Sorry for the long-overdue comments!) I actually really liked this. Vita embodies the more machine side of demvir, which makes perfect sense considering his rejection of all organic beings. In...
  15. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 349: Tristitia: The Gravereef - Feedback

    For being something to get past writer's block, this was incredible. The emotion throughout the chapter was fantastic and bittersweet, Tristitia's grief poignant. Her need for the solidity of the pier, leaning on Vigil for comfort, silently sharing her grief with her twin, all of it really...
  16. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 348: The Game Is Afoot Part II - Feedback

    What I think should have been the most momentous part of this chapter -- the reveal of the Outside Ones -- was glossed over shockingly quickly, and they were killed off with such ease that I was expecting there to be a trick or a trap. Unless I missed it somewhere in a previous chapter where...
  17. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 347: The Game Is Afoot! - Feedback

    I have my hesitance to accept something so vicious and grisly as the work of the same beings that have been working via mind-control and staying out of sight, but that could also be explained as them being more impatient or even desperate as investigations draw closer to revealing them in full...
  18. swaswj

    Reviewed [Collab] Week 350: Pale Ales and Power Circles - Feedback

    Unless I missed it, it didn't seem like Mille got a copy of that enchanting circle at the end, so he'll have to go on a hunt for some of those (not necessarily in a chapter). Enchanting is always fairly interesting to read and I enjoy how each writer so far has made it their own by doing...
  19. swaswj

    Reviewed [Collab] Week 349: Thanks For All The Fish! - Feedback

    Another meet-n-greet, and this time the disparity between the two feels much more exaggerated -- as it should be with the towering, dangerous Diamantus and the wide-eyed young Mille. She definitely treats Mille like a kid here and compared to her, he is. It was fun to read, although I think she...
  20. swaswj

    Reviewed [Aq] Week 346: What's in the Box? - Feedback

    Short but I like how the puzzle box is described and it's certainly an interesting find on the inside. I'm very curious to see what the compass is pointing toward and looking forward to seeing what you've come up with. Sorry there isn't a lot more to say here, but I liked it.