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  1. swaswj

    [Plot] The Emperor's Pleasure - Hero Treatment

    Aeria, Ignis, and Amicus were escorted respectfully through the Geamhess, stopping in front of the ornate white oak doors of Princess Grace's chambers. Even with the paintings and small sculptures in the hallways, the doors themselves stood out as works of art, with intricate carvings of the...
  2. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 255: The Work of Loss - Feedback

    I missed this and read these out of order, so a lot of the same comments from the following chapter apply. One thing I wanted to say, though, is that Dom's history is a nice touch, and it really informs a lot of his motivation to help Micali despite the nature of her profession. It also helps...
  3. swaswj

    Reviewed [TWFNE] Week 248: Day of Hope - Feedback

    This could be slightly early since the thread's not officially closed, but there's enough to comment on. As you noticed, I kind of checked out of this one, and I'd like to apologize but reading back through it, I still get the same feeling. Normally a collab is two or more people who have a...
  4. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 256: Answered Questions - Feedback

    I always enjoy your writing (don't let my delayed responses suggest otherwise) and this chapter is no exception. You keep a casual feed of information while your characters act, building upon the world without pausing the narrative. It's exposition, but doesn't feel forced and doesn't overwhelm...
  5. swaswj

    Reviewed [Oc] Week 254: Investigation Pt. I - Feedback

    I must apologize yet again for how late these commentaries are coming. RL has been sapping a lot of my energy and I end up wasting a lot of time where I should be productive. Positives first up: I'm liking the personality that's showing through on all three of these characters. Calvinia is a...
  6. swaswj

    [Plot] The Basal Lake - As Above, So Below

    Garus peered curiously at the woman who had entered, unsure what to expect from her. It was unusual, but not unheard of, for an officer in the Emperor's forces to resign early. "Permission granted," he responded gruffly. If this woman was bold enough to stride right into the cabin and spark up a...
  7. swaswj

    [Plot] The Emperor's Pleasure - Hero Treatment

    The Emperor's Pleasure - Hero Treatment Anguis Trigon, Phase Two The Geamhess cut gracefully through the sky, wispy clouds parting around the figurehead of Serpens before being drawn toward the humming engines under the protruding wings. Royal and beautiful from the outside, equally...
  8. swaswj

    Pending The Emperor's Pleasure - Hero Treatment - Feedback

    Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for The Emperor's Pleasure - Hero Treatment by swaswj.
  9. swaswj

    Pending The Basal Lake - As Above, So Below - Feedback

    Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for The Basal Lake - As Above, So Below by swaswj.
  10. swaswj

    [Plot] The Basal Lake - As Above, So Below

    The Basal Lake - As Above, So Below Anguis Trigon, Phase Two Azure waves and cerulean skies stretched in every direction, with impeccable weather conditions speeding the voyage of the dreadnought, Arsenic. The large ship was built in the shape of a manta ray, a hydrofoil with two massive...
  11. swaswj

    [Plot] The Emperor's Pleasure - Introduction

    Another of the assembled warriors clapped a hand on Dante's shoulder. "Ware your words, now. I'm not sure about the laws in Terminus, but going after a young thing like her will get you locked away deep in the Empire, even if she wasn't a princess!" Seeing confusion on an onlooker's face, the...
  12. swaswj

    [Plot] The Basal Lake - Introduction

    "Bryndalas, formerly quartermaster of the Chroma. I'm here as a freelancer, same as most." The red-skinned velen seemed used to the question. At first, it seemed like that was all he was going to say; he turned and waved for Diamantus to follow, thinking to lead her to one of the Conexus...
  13. swaswj

    [Plot] The Basal Lake - Introduction

    The arrows offered by the vendor were made from a light metal, rather than wood, with spiraling tips in place of broad blades. Feathers were replaced with a fin-like rubber, already curving slightly. At a glance, they looked more fluid dynamic, and although the materials were cheap, they seemed...
  14. swaswj

    [Plot] The Emperor's Pleasure - Introduction

    "Mm, mm, mmm." From a side-room, a velen woman had slipped out. Her skin was pale violet, with tiny, shimmering scales dotting her cheeks, accenting her royal blue eyes. Cascades of red ribbons fell from her scalp, thin and silky, shifting faintly as she moved closer. She wore high heels of...
  15. swaswj

    Magnum and Ultimum Release Submissions

    Approved with changes. Sensory Overload: Increased range from 20m to 45m. Added a duration and cooldown of 3 rounds. If Dante makes a prediction and the action does not occur, there is no cost paid (but he still has the 3 round cooldown). Also, the ability now specifies a 'target' rather than...
  16. swaswj

    Feat and Special Technique Submissions

    Approved with changes. Removing the scaling with Daemonium, the per-fight restrictions, and its preventing new abilities from being used. Adding a cost, a range. Per the revision, there's no maximum duration, it can stall cooldowns for as long as the cost is paid each round. It is susceptible to...
  17. swaswj

    Codex Submissions (Lore, People, Places, Beasts, Plants)

    Approved. I like the mystery of it. Sorry for not responding sooner.
  18. swaswj

    [Plot] The Emperor's Pleasure - Introduction

    The young girl's eyes widened in starstruck wonder and she quickly straightened up, puffing her chest out. "I'm Mitis et Neptunum, feartu of the Empire, and future hufuofn!" she declared cheerfully. Her brother grumbled at his sister, grabbing the back of her head and shoving it downward. He...
  19. swaswj

    [Plot] The Emperor's Pleasure - Introduction

    The Emperor's Pleasure - Introduction Anguis Trigon, Phase One Wordcount: 1050 Elata Spiritus perched high in the peaks of Tumunlu, the southern stretch of mountains surrounding Terminus. What began as a simple docking area for airships had blossomed into a small city in its own right, with...
  20. swaswj

    Pending The Emperor's Pleasure - Introduction - Feedback

    Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for The Emperor's Pleasure - Introduction by swaswj.