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  1. swaswj

    [Plot] The Basal Lake - Eyes on You

    With the ship twisting and spiraling, on the verge of tearing itself apart, Garus charged through the cramped and maze-like corridors with unerring accuracy. He and his crew had served on the Arsenic for years, and the newest among them knew their way around like the back of their hand. He...
  2. swaswj

    Pending TEP: That Princess Over There - Feedback

    Results: -50 In this situation, there's no severe repercussions for the thread not finishing. RL chaos was a big contributor, and there weren't major stakes on the line. However, even in the short bits that transpired, Dante seemed to go out of his way to be rude to the princess -- and I...
  3. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 275: Cold, Colder - Feedback

    Rosa gave a solemn look to the older woman. “Sucks about your real parents though.” Micali just shrugged. “Hard to mourn someone you never knew.” Huh. Ironic echoes toward my own writing, which I don't think you've read, yet. Lutum nodded, pausing to scan in a full circle around them before...
  4. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 272: Northbound - Feedback

    Big changes in Rosa, and it's fun to read. It's interesting to see Micali out of her element and realize how focused her skillset is. Rosa almost feels like she's the one babying Micali now -- "Did you even pack a coat?" -- and it's pretty humorous as well as touching, moreso with Micali being...
  5. swaswj

    Reviewed [Aq] Week 275: Lachtara II - Feedback

    Seeing how Misericorde's memories inform the power he's taking from her was a nice touch. Since it is her heart, as you established, and his intentions are far different from her own, it's nice to see the pushback from her... as well as contextualizing her curiosity in him earlier through his...
  6. swaswj

    Reviewed [Aq] Week 272: Lachtara I - Feedback

    Very nice, and not quite what I was expecting. A world of temptations drawn from everything Deni gets tempted by, and a demoness trying, quite successfully, to win some of his trust. It's really fitting for Deni's character and a great follow-up on the artifact Deni received. I also appreciate...
  7. swaswj

    [Plot] The Basal Lake - In a Barrel

    "I would know!" Garus shouted, drowning out Micali's reasoning. He growled, fighting back the urge to draw his second weapon and put a bullet in her. A skinny little rat from the mainland, what could she know about the trials he had been through, that his crew had fought through, together? It...
  8. swaswj

    Feat and Special Technique Submissions

    As a personal feat, a bit too much. Using techs from one other skill tree is more in line -- for example, Aelflead's personal feat allows her to use Barbaris techs while unarmed. Keep in mind which techs are already available cross-skill when deciding, also.
  9. swaswj

    [Plot] TEP: Graceful Discourse

    As she listened, Grace's eyes brightened up once again. The princess let out a child-like giggle at the idea of a basilisk acting like a dog, and soon she was smiling again. "We have!" she answered cheerfully. "As Father's first-born daughter, we have always been watched and protected, of...
  10. swaswj

    [Plot] The Basal Lake - Eyes on You

    The trio rushed through the ship, Gwendolyn in the lead. In almost no time, they reached the room with the mid-ship ballast controls. The room was recessed off of the main hallway, locked behind a metal grate. There were no signs of tampering, yet, but as soon as they reached it, Libra pulled a...
  11. swaswj

    [Plot] The Basal Lake - In a Barrel

    Before Garus could answer, the Arsenic keeled over to the right side. The captain grabbed onto a metal support on the outer wall, narrowly avoiding being thrown from his feet while the majority of the room's occupants were not as lucky. Garus yelled out, "Brace yourselves, the ship is going to...
  12. swaswj

    Reviewed [Be] Week 269 : Till Death Do Us Part - Feedback

    I agree with Dojat's thoughts. Also, the build-up toward the happy ceremony almost demanded that something bad would happen, but I expected it would be Cecil and not someone coming after Cecil. I'm curious to find out more, and depending on what customs you're adopting from the real world, it'd...
  13. swaswj

    Reviewed [Be] Week 268: Light at the End of the Tunnel (Part II) - Feedback

    I read part I and II back to back, so I'll be putting my thoughts on both here. I already read Val's side of things previously, and I like that while both are in essentially the same predicament, it's hitting them both differently and they're facing different challenges, handling them in...
  14. swaswj

    Reviewed [Be] Week 268: Light at the End of the Tunnel (Part I) - Feedback

    I read them back to back, so I'll be putting my thoughts into the part two thread:
  15. Keydis Lysistrata

    [Plot] TEP: Oil and Water

    "Wait, are you trying to give away your sword? Or asking me to work on it for free?" Keydis asked, laughing harshly. "I can promise you, my sword is better than whatever you're packing, even assuming I give the thing a full restoration, demon-slayer or no. If you don't believe me, we'll put it...
  16. swaswj

    [Plot] The Basal Lake - Eyes on You

    "Exhaust room is a prime target," Libra agreed. "The Atlas reactor is well-shielded and would take a long time to deal serious damage to. They wouldn't want us to sink faster, so propulsion systems are out; the captain is trying to take the Arsenic deeper below to escape the storms above." At...
  17. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 266: Runaways - Feedback

    This chapter took several unexpected turns, but I'm really enjoying the layers of intrigue. I also really like the way you detail the surroundings whenever Micali is traveling, really driving home how familiar the process is, how much baggage she carries from the Insidiis. Micali is also a...
  18. swaswj

    Reviewed [Aq] Week 266: Ruined - Feedback

    Deni's not doing so hot, is he? The dream sequence transitioning to reality was really well-done, and again, the confusion natural to the situation is portrayed perfectly. Deni's frustration aimed at the Vis was also a nice touch, and it feeds in well to his difficulties with Castus magic...
  19. swaswj

    Reviewed [Aq/Oc/Be] Week 265: Ísvaskur - Feedback

    Several weeks later than intended, but I kept putting shorter pieces ahead of it. That's no complaint about the length, however, because this was about the perfect length for what you put together. It was long enough to get in a wealth of scenery and atmosphere without getting bogged down. I...
  20. swaswj

    [Plot] The Basal Lake - Eyes on You

    "Not the command deck," Libra said with confidence. "That's where the captain spends most of his time. Do you really think an enemy could escape notice while that close to him? For that long? No, they'll be somewhere more isolated." The velen lieutenant fell in behind Laermont, surprised at the...