101st Session of the Central 46

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Tenshirou

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Jul 17, 2005
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Kyuubantai Honbu, possibly under Junichi's paperwo
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Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
Week 100/101:

1->5 | 2->6 | 3->7 | 4->8 | 5->9 | 6->10 | 7->11 | 8->12 | 9->13 | 10->R | 11->1 | 12->2 | 13->3 | R->4


Decided to set up the grading thread early for those early bird people. You all know the drill, I mean, it's been over 100 weeks already.
 

Tenshirou

New Member
Jul 17, 2005
426
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38
Kyuubantai Honbu, possibly under Junichi's paperwo
Latens
1,000✦
Exa
⏆500
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium (⏆50 per)
0⌯
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Auritium (⏆300 per)
0⍫
Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
0⌭
Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
Woo thanks for last week Momo-chan. n.n Nothing much to say other than if I missed anything, complain to the prinny squad about it and we'll work about getting that corrected. Hopefully I'll have another person on my roster who can be active and make this young captain happy to have more people writing. Anyway enjoy. n.n

Kanosuke Jinju -- Jyuusanbantai no Fukutaichou
Kidoushuu
Grade - 103
Reiatsu: 27,895
Kuraishikaeshi - ~33,474~
Kuroindou Kuraishikaeshi - ~39,053~ (13 Turns /// *100%*)
Kurodenkaku Kuraishikaeshi - ~44,632~ (7 Turns /// *90%*)
Zanjutsu: 10,112
Hakuda: 128
Hohou: 7,455
Kidou: 10,200
Kidoushuu: (1.30) 13,260
~Refer to Profile~
Enishi: 27,888
Koumoku:
[1]Smoke Bombs (3)
[2]Final Burst Tablet (2)
[3]Elixir Of Regeneration (3)
(U)Unique Item Pending
[K]Kidoushuu Suit (Concealment Design)

~****~

Akira Yamazaki - 9th Division, pending Vice Captain
Grade -- 1,555
Reiatsu: 7,085
Shi Kai - ~8,502~
Zanjutsu: 2,202
Hakuda: 2,206
Hohou: 2,491
Kidou: 186
Hadou #5, Demon Fist 28 Kidou
Hakkuten - Bougyoudo #2, 17 Kidou
Double Obstruction - Bakudou #2, 20 kidou
Connection: 6,520
Items:
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT

Kyuukai Yazama -- 9th Division, Unseated (Sub-Captain)
Grade- 0
Reiatsu: 100
Zanjutsu: 10
Hakuda: 10
Hohou: 30
Kidou: 50
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT
Connection: 0
Items:
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT
 

Grandleon

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Nov 8, 2005
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The End of Time
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Third Division Grades

Okay, then! At the Captain's behest, I've come bearing grades. Mainly, however, the problem is that no one really wrote but the Batty and I. >.> Or, at least I didn't see anything to such an effect's contradiction. All grades (all one of them) are already added to Connection.

Edit: Completely forgot about plot missions. The base grade has been doubled, added to Connection. Sorry for the mix-up.

Edit Nanba Tsu: ... add in whatever grade you and I get for the collab, Batty. >.> *all discombobulated over grading, but has to do it next week too*

Za Saado Editto: The grade is 120 for our collab, Batty. Added to Connection (finally)

Batty: Well... I noticed a number of spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors, so that's mainly what will bring your grade down. The content of your chapter was good, but I'd say that your monologue with Peter could have had some better exchange between the two of them. What were Kurogane's feelings during this talk -- his responses, the subtle changes inside and externally?

In all, I thought your work overdid it a tad here and there: it didn't hold much in the way of proper English etiquette, but because it had a good writing base and decent fundamentals otherwise, I'm going to give it a 42.


Takero Idaten -- Captain of the 7th Division
Grade
- 0
Reiatsu: 37,571
Kyoujin -- ~45,085~
Kyoujin Tenbatsu -- ~52,599~ (17 turns /// 110%)
Kyoujin no Fuujin - ~60,114~ (11 turns /// 110%)
Kyoujin: Fuujin No Gekirin- ~67,628~ (3 turns /// 55%)

Zanjutsu: 2,211
Hakuda: 12,385
Hohou: 11,440
Kidou: 11,535
*Refer to bio for list*
Connection: 37,371
Items:
Pack
Gauntlets



Sayuri Chikako -- Sanbantai no Taichou
Grade
- 0
Reiatsu: 55,424
Oborozuki -- ~66,509
Hiogari Hagane Kumo -- ~110,848~ ( 7 turns /// *50%* )

Zanjutsu: 16,021
Hakuda: 4,803
Hohou: 16,900
Kidou: 17,700
~ See Profile ~
Connection: 52,540
Items:
3rd Div. Healing Pack
-5 Healing Pills
-Medical kits
-Ointment
-3 Elixirs of Regeneration
-5 energy pills
-Chiyudo Scroll
-1 Final Burst Tablet


Naoko Tsukino -- 4th Seat, Third Division
Grade:
0 ( 185 + 75 bonus undistributed )
Reiatsu: 6,976
Ookamitora ~7,674~
Zanjutsu: 758
Hakuda: 758
Hohou: 2,280
Kidou: 3,180
Chiyudo #1 - Higashiyori
Chiyudo #10 - Healing Sight
Chiyudo #18 - Teireiki
Chiyudo #25 - Bandaidification
Chiyudo #34 - Ukiyo-Tama
Chiyudo #40 - Hyoukai Seppen
Chiyudo #45 - Rethread
Bakudou #8 - Sealing Rings
Bakudou #55 - Diamond Dust

Connection: 6,151
Items: 3rd Div. Healing Pack
* five healing pills
* medical kits
* ointment
* three elixirs of regeneration
* five energy pills
* one chiyudo scroll
* one final burst tablet


Kurogane Momozono -- 8th Seat, 3rd Division
Grade
- 42 *2 + 120 = 204 (580 undistributed)
Reiatsu - 5,021
Shi Kai ~10%~
Zanjutsu -1,200
Hakuda -100
Hohou -1,164
Kidou -2,557
Harinezumi, Bougyoudo #28, 190 Kidou
Yammarashi, (extension) - 500 Kidou
Temperance, Chiyudo #54, 640 Kidou
Tangent, Chiyudo #32, 320 Kidou
Daifuku,Chiyudo #27, 200 kidou
Hadou #9, Kamaitachi (Sickle Wind)
Bougyoudo, #55, Black Tide
Chiyudo, #23,Santo Incendio
Rethread ? Chiyudo #45, 465 Kidou

Connection: 5,825
Items: 3rd Div. Healing Pack
-5 Healing Pills
-Medical kits
-Ointment
-3 Elixirs of Regeneration
-5 energy pills
-Chiyudo Scroll
-1 Final Burst Tablet


Feril Mundate -- Unseated, 3rd Division
Grade:
0 (45 Undistributed)
Reiatsu: 500
Zanjutsu: 90
Hakuda: 200
Hohou: 110
Kidou: 100
Bougyudo #3, Blue Mist
Chiyudo #2, Amatsubu
Chiyudo #5, Vieo

Connection: 295
Items: 3rd Div. Healing Pack
* five healing pills
* medical kits
* ointment
* three elixirs of regeneration
* five energy pills
* one chiyudo scroll
* one final burst tablet


Hamano Taiki -- 7th seat, 3rd Division
Grade: 0 (305 Undistributed)
Reiatsu: 3,432 ( +343 )
Tatake ~3775~ (cannot perform at this time)
Zanjutsu: 600
Hakuda: 222
Hohou: 950
Kidou: 2,000
Chiyudo #37, Kaishun
Chiyudo #18, Tereikei
Chiyudo #10, Healing Sight
Bakudou #17, Ice Prison
Hadou #24, Raigen
~~slot~~
~~slot~~
Connection: 3,957
Items: 3rd Div. Healing Pack
* five healing pills
* medical kits
* ointment
* three elixirs of regeneration
* five energy pills
* one chiyudo scroll
* one final burst tablet
 
B

bittman

Guest
<(T_T<) <(^_^<)

Yes that's right, it's me grading again....why...cos if I grade enough perhaps they'll decide to fix me up with a captain quickly. 8D (*Nefarious plan #141 go!!!*)

And for something completely original, I didn't have anything to grade again this week. Man I really need some new blood *goes to bribe sum newbies in the main lobby with promise of b33r*


~*~*~​

Katsu Iwakami - Captain of the 6th Division
Spring Cleaning -- Mopping expert
Grade -- ZERO swurd polish 4 u
Reiatsu: 43,127
Kamikiri ~51,752~
Kamikiri no Zankoku Shinsou ~86,254~ ( 5 turns/// *30%* )

Zanjutsu: 18,212
Hakuda: 4,203
Hohou: 18,212
Kidou: 2,500
Demon Fist -- Hadou #5, 30 Kidou
Inflamari - Hadou #16, 85 Kidou
Fist of Destruction -- Hadou #47, 750 Kidou
Yusuru -- Bakudou #37, 450 Kidou
Threshold - Bougyoudo #34 290 Kidou
Tangent - Chiyudou #32 320 Kidou
Temperance -Chiyudou #54 640 Kidou
slot

Connection: 42,218


~*~*~​

Houmuru Masayume - Chick wit badge
Grade: Awarded zero peeks of bitts in change room
Reiatsu: 12,861
Hataya no Yume -- ~14,147~
???? -- ~?????~ (???///*???*)
Zanjutsu: 2,039
Hakuda: 1,173
Hohou: 2,877
Kidou: 6,772
-Kidoushuu (1.10) -- 7,284
Fire Breather -- Hadou #18
Breaking Palm -- Hadou #27
Deadly Quill -- Hadou #23
Underbite - Hadou #34
Raiden - Hadou #44
Jiraigen -- Hadou #51
Cataclysm -- Hadou #57
Dark Claw -- Bakudou #41
Divining Bolt -- Bakudou #56
Mettanimirarenaizu - Bougyoudo #52
Beniseki -- Bougyoudo #63
Santo Incendio - Chiyudo #23
Temperance -- Chiyudo #54
Great Barrier -- Chiyudo #55
Mend -- Chiyudo #60

Connection: 11,626
Items:
K-suit

Ishus Techno - Invisibility no Jutsu specialist
Grade: Nothing / zip + zadda = nuffink
Reiatsu: 1168
Zanjutsu: 491
Hakuda: 50
Hohou: 279
Kidou: 348
Hadou #4, Byakurai
Bakudou #21, Clay
Hadou #15, Defusion

Connection: 670
Items:
- None
- None
 

Kaze

New Member
Jan 9, 2006
852
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The Void
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Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
All grades have had the portion added to enishi/connection that is suppose to. I graded Louhi because she said she would be the one grading 12th this week. If I missed something please inform me and I shall correct it.

Louhi - Acting Vice Captain, 12th Division
Grade - 112
Reiatsu: 16,360
Kirjokansi ~19,632~
Bankai ~22,904~
Zanjutsu: 7,800
Hakuda: 1,000
Houhou: 5,860
Kidou: 1,700
Bakudou #11, Keeji
Bakudou #13, Earthen Maw
Bakudou #20, Chains of Misery
Hadou #24, Raigen
Bakudou #35, Tremor
Bakudou #50, Entombment
Connection: 13,882
Items:
Hair pins/needles(15)
Seinaru Hyoushou
Kidou Scroll (Keeji)


Nanake Kionchi - Unseated, 8th Division
Grade - 400 + 100(Division Bonus) = 500
Reiatsu: 1354
Shikai ~10%~
Zanjutsu: 443
Hakuda: 10
Hohou: 430
Kidou: 430
Slot
Slot
Slot

Enishi: 1654
Items:
Kidou scroll: Seizing vines
Eigth Division Cellphone Database
Slot


Torasawa Anzu - 8th Division, Unseated
Grade -- 73 + 100(Division Bonus) = 173(Undistributed)
Reiatsu: 428
Zanjutsu: 60
Hakuda: 123
Hohou: 105
Kidou: 140
Slot
Slot
Slot

Enishi: 201
Item
Item
Item
 

Sophia Seed

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Feb 4, 2006
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⏆500
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⏈0
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Auritium (⏆300 per)
0⍫
Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
0⌭
Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
Myles asked me to do the grading for him this week. I'll never take grading for granted ever again, it definately more difficult than people give it credit for. So if i did anything wrong, let me know Via AIM and i'll get it corrected right away. If you have any questions about your grade, let me know, i'll be glad to talk to you about it.


Hiana Maisaku -- Captain of the 10th Division
Kidoushuu - Fukuhanchou
Grade -- 52
Reiatsu: 39,541
Fuyumiko - ~47,450~
Fuyumiko no Shoukan - ~55,358~ (19 Turns///*115%*)
Fuyumiko: Tenrou Zetsumeiga Atemi - ~63,266~ (13 Turns///*110%*)
Kyousho Bankai - ~71,174~ (4 Turns///*70%*)

Zanjutsu: 4,161
Hakuda: 1,421
Hohou: 14,953
Kidou: 18,870
Kidoushuu: (1.23) 23,210
*~See Profile~*
Connection: 39,059
Items:
Healing Pills (5)
Hair Pins/Needles (10)
Poison Bottle (5)
Yin Necklace
Kidoushuu Suit
Suisei



Jun Koganerio - 6th Division, 12th Seat
Grade - 0
Reiatsu -- 2,122
Shi Kai ~2,334~
Zanjutsu-- 873
Hakuda -- 121
Hohou -- 825
Kidou -- 303
Hadou #2, Beniikazuchi
Bakudo #8, Sealing Rings
Hadou #9, Kamaitachi

Connection -- 1,532



Altair - 6th divison, unseated
Grade - 110 +conc (10%) = 121
Reiatsu - 770
Zanjutsu - 396
Hakuda - 6
Hohou - 187
Kidou - 181
Bougyoudo #3, Blue Mist [Non/Area/Srt] - 25 Kidou
SLOT
SLOT

Connection -- 676




Aojiro Zougeiro -- 6th division, unseated
Grade -- 100
Reiatsu: 100
Zanjutsu: 45
Hakuda: 5
Hohou: 25
Kidou: 25
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT

Connection: 100



*note* newb bonus is to all stats, not to your grade. My appologizes to everyone. Add your newb bonus to your stats including your Rei, Zan, Hak, Hoh, Kid, and Connection.
 
D

dar

Guest
++ 7th Division Comments ++

I've been pretty lax with you guys ever since I took up grading and such. But now I'm definitely sticking to the rules. These people who have been inactive for quite sometime now are on a formal warning. You've got 3 weeks until you are permanently put out of the list and your profile will be deleted as well. You know who you are.

Notify me about your current condition so that we can come to a compromise.

Fuji, glad to see you've decided to build your character up a bit. You get 140 for your chapters. Congrats on reaching shikai level.

Again, I'm not sure who to grade for the 11th. But I'll edit this once I see who's grading them.


Meigetsu -- 7th Division, 3rd seat
Grade - 0
Reiatsu: 9005
Gekkou no Megami- ~10740~
Zanjutsu: 2853
Hakuda: 2295
Hohou: 2457
Kidou: 1400
~Hadou #7, Rakurai
~Hadou #23, Reaper
~Hadou #32, Heki
~slot~
~slot~
Items:
~healing pills (5)
~smoke bombs (3)
~Kidou Scroll (Reaper)
Connection:7524



Fuji Tatakai - 8th Seat, 7th Division
Grade - 140*2 = 280 + 150(div bonus)
Reiatsu: 1085
Zanjutsu: 50
Hakuda: 500
Hohou: 310
Kidou: 225
--SLOT--
--SLOT--
--SLOT--
Items:
--None--
Connection: 1215




Reireyu Maikeru - Unseated, 7th division
Grade: 0
Reiatsu: 637
Zanjutsu: 170
Hakuda: 177
Hohou: 158
Kidou: 132
Connection: 469



Kagirinai Ryouiki -- 7th Division, Unseated
Grade - 0
Reiatsu: 561
Zanjutsu: 231
Hakuda: 110
Hohou: 110
Kidou: 110
SLOT x3
Connection: 396



Akira Ryusen - 7th Division, Unseated
Grade - 0
Reiatsu: 784
Zanjutsu: 304
Hakuda: 140
Hohou: 205
Kidou: 135
Slot (5)
Connection: 384



Karasu Ryoushi - Unseated, 7th Division
Grade - 0
Reiatsu: 535
Zanjutsu: 150
Hakuda: 130
Hohou: 128
Kidou: 127
Hadou #1 Yakakoge
Slot x2

Connection: 135
Items:
1) Sword - Simple katana
2) Track Device
3) Exlir of Regeneration(3)



Tsubasa Haku - 7th division, Unseated
Grade -- 50 + 150(bonus) [from last week]
Reiatsu: 100
Zanjutsu: 19
Hakuda: 45
Hohou: 25
Kidou: 11
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT

Connection: 50
Items:
Item
Item
Item
 

louhi

New Member
Dec 17, 2005
924
0
0
GRAAAHHRRGGH
Latens
1,000✦
Exa
⏆500
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⏈0
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0⌯
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0⍨
Auritium (⏆300 per)
0⍫
Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
0⌭
Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
12th division go!!!!!!!!!

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~
Trow's the only one who wrote so he gets the bonus, for writing for the first time in who knows how long... remember to use the green font color when you post your grades.




Kaoin Kisho -- 3rd seat, 2nd division
Grade - 0
Reiatsu -14,502
Shizenryoku -- ~15,953
Zanjutsu - 1,623
Hakuda - 4,315
Hohou - 5,472
Kidou - 2,996
Hadou #21 -- Infurnus
Bakudou #23 -- Seizing Vines
Bakudou #26 - Atlas
Bakudou #52 -- Spatial Displacement
---> Gravity Displacement (Ext.)
Bakudou #57 -- Tree of Stolen Life
Chiyudo #38 -- Great Wall
Bougyoudo #28 -- Banshiissei
Bougyoudo #45 -- Daishyunpo

Connection - 13,678
Items -
Nature Armguards
Energy Pill(5)





Shiroi -- Captain, 12th Division
Grade -- 0
Reiatsu: 39,592
Ekirei - ~43,551~
Baptism of Sin - ~55,429~ (17 turns// 110%)
Zanjutsu: 13,608
Hakuda: 515
Hohou: 12,449
Kidou: 13,020
Byakurai - Hadou #4, 25 Kidou
Demon Fist -- Hadou #5, 28 kidou
Deadly Quill - Hadou #22, 130 Kidou
Aisu - Hadou #30, 280 Kidou
Wind Master - Hadou #39, 525 kidou
Gouka - Hadou #62, 1470 kidou
Cursed mark - Bougyoudo #4, 23 kidou
Break of Dusk - Bougyoudo #16, 85 Kidou
Meikyou - Bougyoduo #38, 1.5-2x kidou used
Control Doll - Bougyoudo #48 490 Kidou
Shadow Puppet - Bougyoudo #50, 525 Kidou
Kankatsugan -- Bougyoudo #54, 750 Kidou
Glass Veil - Bougyoudo #62, 995 Kidou
Step of Shadows - Bougyoudo #65, 1350 Kidou
Kageryuu Kizouhin - Bougyoudo #68, 1700 Kidou
Keeji "cage" - Bakudou #11, 75 Kidou
Tsuchinikaeru - Bakudou #54, 600 Kidou
Trap Floor -- Bakudou #59, 790 Kidou
Vampire's Rapture -- Bakudou #60, 800 Kidou
100 Knives Torture -- Bakudou #78, 3000 Kidou
SLOTx7
Connection: 36,701

Seigetsu Haishui - 6th Seat, 12th Division
Grade -- 180 + 150 bonus
Reiatsu: 4,564
ShiKai - ~5,020~
Zanjutsu: 1,532
Hakuda: 1,532
Hohou: 1,000 ~10 Step~
Kidou: 500
SLOT x4
Connection: 4,564

Keitaku Tenson - Acting 7th seat, 12th Division
Grade - 0
Reiatsu: 5,264
Eidan ~5,790~
Zanjutsu: 1,741
Hakuda: 41
Houhou: 1,741
Kidou: 1,741
Bougyoudo #46, Control Doll
Connection: 3,790
Items:

Akiro Saburo - Acting 8th Seat, 12th Division
Grade - (Pending collab grade)
Reiatsu: 1190
Zanjutsu: 325
Hakuda: 170
Houhou: 345
Kidou: 350
Hadou #29, Diamond Cutter
Bougyoudo #26, Disruption
Bakudou #29, Reaper's Curse
Connection: 1101
Items:
Lime Green Cell Phone

Ritoru Furousha -- 12th Division, Unseated
Grade - 0
Reiatsu: 9,672
Aishoutsukai: ~10,639~
Zanjutsu: 3,075
Hakuda: 50
Hohou: 5,972
Kidou: 575
Hadou #4 - Byakurai
Bougyoudo #3 - Blue Mist
Bougyoudo #5 - Heat Seeker
Bougyoudo #46 - Shadow Puppet
Connection: 8,822
Items:
Light Gaunlets
Mission Cell-Phone
Ebony Glass Orb

Inoue Kiyomasa - Unseated, 12th Division
Grade - 0
Reiatsu: 774
Zanjutsu: 321
Hakuda: 55
Houhou: 288
Kidou: 110
Connection: 398
Items:
Dagger

Kaido Masuhito - Unseated, 12th Division
Grade - 180
Reiatsu: 100
Zanjutsu: 35
Hakuda: 10
Houhou: 30
Kidou: 25
Connection: 180
Items:

Murakami Hideki - Unseated, 12th Division
Grade - 50 (from Cretacious Period)
Reiatsu: 100
Zanjutsu: 40
Hakuda: 5
Houhou: 25
Kidou: 30
Connection: 50
Items:
 

Proggy

New Member
May 13, 2006
236
5
0
33
Jyuusanbantai Taisho
Latens
1,000✦
Exa
⏆500
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium (⏆50 per)
0⌯
Bigatium (⏆100 per)
0⍨
Auritium (⏆300 per)
0⍫
Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
0⌭
Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
Comments: Bonus split between all 3 of you. Remember that this current week (102) is the last week I will be applying the PM bonus so get those collabs finished or no 2x for you.

Little Ceasar, my man, this is the last time you apply the 10% Newbie Bonus.

Grades are already added to connection...

Oh, one last thing, I advise everyone to read my critique with Little Ceasar since it can really benefit everyone. I don't just mean everyon in the 13th either... I mean EVERYONE.

Critiques

Not too much to say about the chapter.

While I did find your dialogue funny as usual, the entire chapter had no real general direction and you merged one "moot" scene with a "semi-moot" scene. That said, and while I did like the humor in the paperwork/coffee thing, it really wasn't "necessary" for your plot. It's like one of those clips you see in the Deleted Scenes section of a DVD Movie. Sure, it had some good parts, but the director cut it out because it was too insufficient to the overall story (Mind you, I say this knowing that some of the more entertaining parts of movies are in the deleted scenes, but it just didn't make the cut.)

One thing your chapter did lack that could definitely have been improved on is descriptions. I get a general idea of what's going on between the characters, but the second half of the chapter is 100% dialogue. Dialogue can be good, but what really makes a scene shine is Drama. Let me give you an example from your own writing.

"Hmm....interesting...."

"Hey do not go getting blood thirsty now. He is similar to sensei in the respect that he thinks during fights. He followed me and watched me fight before he outright challenged me. Even then he waited until I was practically half-beaten before he challenged me the first time. The second encounter I lucked out in. The guy is dangerous and not someone who should be taken lightly."

Think about this if it were rewritten as so:

"Hmm...interesting."

Thar froze, sensing a familiar feeling building up inside the forth seat. Every time the mere thought of a challenge was presented in front of Ryokou, he would become completely intrigued, wanting to confront it even more. Having actually crossed swords with Vincent, Thar knew he couldn't let Ryokou's curiosity get the best of him.

"Hey now, don't think this guy is some pushover. While fighting, this guy is very similar to sensei..........blahblah"

This way you are adding some feeling to what's going on. Remember, the difference between movies and works of literature are actors and visuals. In a movie, a good actor can easily express how the character is feeling with pure body language that we have all learned to understand during our lives. An author's job is much more difficult, because he not only has to write the story, but direct it, act it, and add effects all with no visuals except for text.

Much better with the use of descriptors and pronouns instead of names. Your descriptions are generally well-written and I can picture the action pretty clearly. This said, there are a couple things to be picky about, but this is more of a personal writing style technique than anything...

Fortune smiled on the untested Shinigami, and the plan worked. When the Hollow got close, nearly within striking distance, Marius turned sharply down a side street.

Ask yourself this question: "What keeps you truly interested in something?" It can be a story, a movie, a school subject, a job, or even a relationship. The answer is "Unpredictability" or "Mysteriousness" . If you have a slight interest in something, and if the way that particular thing is brought to you is teasing at best, you are going to drool over finding out more about it. A perfect real life example: Take a small ball with a string attached to it and bring it in front of a cat. At first, the cat will be interested in it, but if it stays consistent and doesn't move, the cat will lose interest. Now, dangle that ball around, or the cat may even paw it around. The movements become unpredictable and amusing and therefore the cat can't help but want more.

Let the same concept apply to your writing, especially action scenes. You don't want to write a resolution to a problem before you explain the events that took place to get there. In your scenario, Marius thought that the hollow may have trouble making quick turns because of its size and then planned strategy accordingly. But, to the reader, if you had written that above quote like the following, it would have became more stimulating.

As the hollow came in close, almost within striking distance, Marius made a sharp turn, planning to dash down a street in a different direction.

From this point on, the reader wonders... "Is his strategy going to work?" And, using some clever writing, you reveal if it works or doesn't work. Either way, you are keeping the reader wanting more, wanting to see what happens next between this monster and this new shinigami who could never defeat it face to face.

The reason why I focus this so much on a minor buildup is because if you can learn to apply this technique here, then the rest of your writing becomes phenomenal. When you ever hear someone saying "I picked up this book and I just couldn't put it down... I was glued to it for hours!" , they are saying it because the author kept them wondering what happens next.

The next step to this: Apply it to the ending of your chapters. Instead of ending your chapter with your character pondering about what move to make next, actually have your character make the move and keep the reader wondering if it works or not until you post your next chapter. If you read Naruto or Bleach (The manga, not the anime), you will see this technique is applied all the time. They end it with the reader in the mindset of "Omg is this going work? What the heck is going to become of it?" Then force them to wait a week for the next issue and they will happily spend money for it. You aren't doing this to make money, but you do understand where I'm coming from, right?

We already went through this in AIM, but I will reiterate the points again.

Tenses....Tenses...Tenses. By the way, did I mention tenses? I know you know the difference, just proofread the chapter a few times before you post it so you catch them.

Descriptions..... Remember the "brown cardboard box" and the "curious brown cardboard box planted mysteriously in the center of an empty room" ?

Again... I know you like playing with swords... DOOOOO IT! For each action scene I demand a video of you trying to replicate it. I'll even send the digital camera to Money just so he can record them and send them to me. =D


Catherine Teo -- 13th Division - House Cat/THIRD SEAT
Obediance -- 0
Purring - 18800
Purring & Cuddling ~20680~
Purring, Cuddling & Playing ~26320~ -9 Turns/// *85%*-
Playful Biting -- 6000
Playful Pawing -- 4150
Cat-like Reflexes -- 3600
Hairballs -- 5000
Hadou #4, Byakurai [Ltg/Beam/Lng]
Hadou #9, Kamaitachi [Wnd/Brt/Mid]
Hadou #28, Aisu [Var/Ice/Beam/Lng]/Aisuhaaken [Var/Ice/Sht/Lng]/Aisudansu [Var/Ice/Beam/Tar]
Hadou #37, Altar [Ear/Grd/Tar]
Hadou #55, Ice Pike
Hadou #35, Cinder [Fir/Brt/Srt]/Blaze[Var/Fir/Beam/Lng]/Sun Flare[Var/Fir/Sht/Long] - 425/500/1200 Kidou
Hadou #88, Kaiton Saihou [Non/Sht/Lng]
Bakudou #90, Longinus [Lgt/Hom/Tar]
Bakudou #17, Ice Prison [Ice/Grd/Mid] -- 135 Kidou/Ice Maiden [Ext/Ice/Bind/Tar] -- 600 Kidou
Chiyudo #2, Amatsubu [Wat/Hea/Srt]
Chiyudo #38, Great Wall [Ear/Bar/Mid]
Chiyudo #55, Great Barrier [Non/Bar/Self]
Chiyodu #61, White Flame [Lgt/Hea/Srt]
Caturday Popularity -- 17,516


Ryokou Shimazaki -- 4th seat, 13th Division
Grade - 100 + 10 (Consecutive) = 110 + 50 (Smexy) = 160
Reiatsu-17,674
Arashi Kishi ~21,208~
Sono kitakaze no Arashi Kishi ~24,743~
[8 Turns/// *80%*]
Zanjutsu -- 5,200
Hakuda -- 5,180
Hohou -- 5,200
Kidou -- 2,094
Hadou #30, Aisu - 280 /Aisuhaaken (Ice Pick), 1000
Aisudansu (Ice Dancing), 1200
Bakudou #46, Ancestral Clasp-- 550
Bakudou #20, Chains of Misery/Chains of Torment-170/700
Chiyudo #51, Knight's Honor-550
Bakudou #65, Seal of Origins - 1000 Kidou
Hadou #33, Soukatsui-375 Kidou
-Slot-
Connection -- 16,792


Point Juyken -- 5th Seat, 13th Division
Grade -- 0
Reiatsu - 8891
Tenshime ~9780~
Zanjutsu -- 3300
Hakuda -- 1191
Hohou -- 2000
Kidou -- 2500
Chiyudo #2, Amatsubu
Hadou #3, Myaku
Hadou #28, Aisu
-------------->Aisuhaaken
-------------->Aisudansu
-------------->Aisurondo
Chiyudo #33, Water of Life
Bougyoudo #46, Control Doll
Bougyoudo #49, Daishyunpo
Hadou #5, Demon Fist
Chiyudo #55, Great Barrier
Connection -- 8,817
Items:
Mother's Chain


Rio Skyflight -- 8th Seat, 13th Division (Pending Promotion)
Grade: 60 + 6 (Consecutive) = 66 + 50 (Smexy) = 116
Reiatsu: 4,660
~ Ryuu Kishi 5,126~
Zanjutsu: 860
Hakuda: 1,600
Hohou: 2,000
Kidou: 200
Hadou #1, Yakekoge
Hadou #10, Red Snow
Hadou #13, Inflamari

Connection: 4,356
Items:
Father's Crest


Kaizu Takamori - Unseated, 13th Division (Pending Promotion)
Grade: 0
Reiatsu: 1346
Tentacle Rape ~+10%~
Zanjutsu: 20
Hakuda: 10
Hohou: 436
Kidou: 880
-Hadou #38, Coiling Abyss[Drk/Tar/Lng] - 500 Kidou/S3
-Bougyoudo #29, Blight [Non/Beam/Lng] - 250 Kidou
-Bakudou #56, Divining Bolt [Ltg/Area/Tar] - 700 Kidou/S3
-Bougyoudo #59, Soul Explosion [Non/Hom/Tar] - 880 Kidou

Connection: 1,021
Items:
1) Kidou Scroll (Byakurai)
2) Kidou Scroll (Blaze)
3) Kidou Scroll (Hakkuten)
4) Amulet of the Dead (Unique)


Marius Lucius Rutilius -- Unseated, 13th Division
Grade: 30 + 3 (Consecutive) = 33 + 50 (Smexy) = 83
Reiatsu: 202
Zanjutsu: 79
Hakuda: 20
Hohou: 57
Kidou: 46
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT

Connection: 116


Scott Layton -- Sixth Seat, 3rd division
Grade:
265 + 120(Collab) = 385 + 39 (Conecutive) = 424
Reiatsu: 20,581
Ceres -- 22,639
Shimmering Luna -- 28,813

Zanjutsu: 870
Hakuda: 6,200
Hohou: 4,800
Kidou: 8,711
- See Profile --
Connection: 18,414
Items:
- Third Division's Medical Pack
* five healing pills
* medical kits
* ointment
* three elixirs of regeneration
* five energy pills
* one Chiyudo scroll (Tangent)
* one final burst tablet
 

ururu_blue

New Member
May 6, 2005
1,728
1
0
Urahara Shoten
Latens
1,000✦
Exa
⏆500
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium (⏆50 per)
0⌯
Bigatium (⏆100 per)
0⍨
Auritium (⏆300 per)
0⍫
Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
0⌭
Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
Alrighty~

Matt ~ That's an interesting way to recruit new members into your division. Dunno if Yukiko could pull off something like that, but I lawled anyway ^^

Sophia ~ write, please?

Kin ~ You wrote last week that your character is in the healing stage. I'm only going to give the collab you write with Crazy/Shinta a plot mission grade when that is posted this week.

Aya ~ Good chapter

Crazy/Shinta ~ write, please?

Dasho/Takeshi ~ write, please?

Tenshirou -- Captain of the 9th Division
August Echelon - Hitenkai
Grade -- 200
Reiatsu: 45,603
Tenjou Inji - ~54,724~
Shitennou Tenjou Inji - ~91,206~ (5 Turns///*30%*)
Zanjutsu: 15,721
August Echelon - ~16,900~
Hakuda: 10,865
Hohou: 15,721 (314 step)
August Echelon - ~16,900~
Kidou: 3,296
1. Bakudou #1, Obstruction
2. Chiyudo #1, Higashiyori ("Spring Wind")
3. Hadou #2, Beniikazuchi (Crimson Thunder)
4. Hadou #5, Demon Fist
5. Hadou #28, Toutenya
6. Bakudou #41,Daishyunpo
7. Chiyudo #58, Destruction Barrier
8. Hadou #4, Byakurai
9. Hadou #30, Big Bang
Enishi: 43,063
Items:
(U) Setsuna
(N) Rangetsu Family Mantle
(N) Mission Memory Cell Phone
(D) Junichi's Haori
(D) Chidori


Sophia Spora -- 3rd seat, 5th division
Grade -- 0
Reiatsu: 25,816
Rutsokishi ~30,979~
Excalibur ~30,979~
Reiyoroi Rutsokishi ~36,142~ (6 Turns///*70%*)
Seinyoroi Azuregos ~36,142~ (6 Turns///*70%*)
Zanjutsu: 12,800
Dual Wield: ~15,360~
Hakuda: 2044
Hohou: 6,000
Kidou: 5,000
-Hadou #4, Byakurai [25 Kidou]
-Hadou #31, Shakkahou [325 Kidou]
-Hadou #38, Coiling Abyss [500 Kidou]
-Hadou #48, Raiden [590 Kidou]
-Hadou #64, Kageyakedo [1600 Kidou]
-Hadou #68, Uchuusename [2,000 Kidou]
-Hadou #72, Abadon's Kiss [2400 Kidou]
-Hadou #80, Bakuhatsu [4000 Kidou]
-Hadou #82, Demon's Baptism [4400 Kidou]
-Bakusou #29, Reaper's Curse [350 Kidou]
-Bakusou #72, Exorcism [2000 Kidou]
-Bougyoudo #55, Black Tide [775 Kidou]
-Slot

Connection: 25,334
R Connection: 12,667
E Connection: 12,667
Items:
Avalon

Roy Karosiji - 8th Seat, 5th Division
Grade -- 150 + 15 (consec bonus)
Reiatsu: 16,227
Suroto- 17,850
Bankai - 22,718
Zanjutsu: 0
Hakuda: 6,128
Hohou: 9,000
Kidou: 1099
Time Bomb - Bakudou #15, 110 Kidou
Chains of Misery - Bakudou #20, 170 Kidou
Hold - Bakudou #52, 630 Kidou
Banshiissei - Bougyoudo #28, 1.3 times the Bakudou used.
Symbol of Summoning - Bougyoudo #63, 1000 Kidou

Connection: 14,771
Items:
Gauntlet-like Gloves

Sakurai Amaya - 12th Seat, 5th Division
Grade - 200 + 150 (Writing bonus) + consecutive bonus + newb bonus
Reiatsu - 2365
Shikai ~10%~
Zanjutsu - 184
Hakuda - 161
Hohou - 487
Kidou - 1535
~See Profile~
Connection - 1639

Chisuji Shinta - 12th seat, 5th Division
Grade - 0
Reiatsu: 1,325
~Shikai~ 10%
Zanjutsu: 1100
Hakuda: 0
Hohou: 600
Kidou: 395
Hadou #4 - Byakurai
Bakudou #2 -Double Obstruction
Bougyoudo #1 - Senkou

Connection:1,520
Items:
Final Burst Tablet (2)
Energy Pill (5)
Slot


Takeshi Shinsuke - Eated by College
Grade - 0
Reiatsu: 750
Zanjutsu: 100
Hakuda: 50
Hohou: 200
Kidou: 400
-Hadou #4, Byakurai [25 Kidou]
-Bakudou #9, Geki [70 Kidou]
-Chiyudo #6, Appakuhoutai [28 Kidou]

Connection: 500
Items:
-ITEM-
-ITEM-
-ITEM-
 

Miharu-san

New Member
May 15, 2005
803
6
0
32
Europa~
Latens
1,000✦
Exa
⏆500
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium (⏆50 per)
0⌯
Bigatium (⏆100 per)
0⍨
Auritium (⏆300 per)
0⍫
Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
0⌭
Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
Notes:

Alright!
Not too much writing this week, but Oto got something out which I'm happy about. n_n You all did very awesomely, but PG don't post after the week is over. I can see when it's posted. >_> In any case, Oto gets the Division Bonus. Remember to only add the division bonus to your reiatsu. Um, not much else to say. Didn't find anything from you Joe, but if there is something go ahead and correct me. o:

If I missed anything or miscalculated, let me know. Apply all of your bonuses come evaluation time. Nothing has been added to connection


Taiken Yuusuke - Rogue
Grade -- 0
Reiatsu -- 60,862
Seiya Kanhouden - ~73,034~
Seiya Kanhouden Akatsukiyami - ~121,724~ (9 Turns /// *70%*)
Zanjutsu -- 11,925
Hakuda -- 3,476
Hohou --16,891
Kidou -- 28,570
*See Profile*
Enishi -- 60,024


~*~

Mizuno, Keitaro - 3rd Seat, 10th Division
Grade -- 0
Reiatsu: 14871
??? - ~???~
??? - ~???~ (6 Turns///*70%*)
Zanjutsu: 5500
Hakuda: 106
Hohou: 6698 (130 steps)
Kidou: 2567
Bakudou #17, Ice Prison
---> Ice Maiden (Ext.)
Bakudou #30, Liquid Prison
---> Celsius (Ext.)
Bakudou #55, Diamond Dust
---> Divining Bolt (Var.)
Hadou #16, Ice Water
Hadou #30, Aisu
---> Aisuhaaken (Var.)
---> Aisudansu (Var.)
---> Aisurondo (Var.)
Bougyoudo #28, Banshiissei
Bougyoduo #34, Meikyou
Chiyudo #32, Tangent

Connection: 13039
Items:
(U) Heaven's Teardrop
Seinaru Hyoushou
[N] Tracking Device
[N] Final Burst Tablet (1)
[N] Elixir of Regeneration (1)


Saiga Senryunose- 4th Seat, 10th Division
Grade -- 40
Reiatsu: 11,823
Mizuken ~13,005~
Kokūken ~16,552~ (5 Turns///*65%*)
Zanjutsu: 5,421
Hakuda: 300
Hohou: 4,102
Kidou: 2,000
Hadou #16, Ice Water
Hadou #60, Lunar Rain
Hadou #67, Flash Freeze
Bakudou #51, Gesshoku
Bakudou #62, Suho
Bougyoudo #69, Goddess' Moon
Chiyudo #49, Gardeurange

Connection: 11,247
Items:
Luna (U)
Kidou Scroll (Ice Water)
Kidou Scroll (Goddess' Moon)
Final Burst Tablet (2)


Lok Ukaru -- 5th Seat, 10th division
Grade -- 0
Reiatsu: 8,033
~Shikai~ 8,803
Zanjutsu: 3,463
Hakuda: 80
Hohou: 3,500
Kidou: 1,000
Toutenya (Strike Heaven Arrow) - Hadou #26, 240 Kidou
Earth's Bounty - Chiyudo #29, 250 Kidou
Seizing Vines (Shouaku Tsurukusa) - Bakudou #23, 230 Kidou
Ghastly Dentention - Bakudou #64, 975 Kidou
Soul Explosion - Bougyoudo #59, 880 Kidou

Connection: 7,132


Jericho Downes -- 6th Seat, 10th Division
Grade -- 0
Reiatsu: 6,198
Youha Kyuujin ~6,818~
Zanjutsu: 1,887 ~2,076~
Hakuda: 523
Hohou: 1,988 [20 Step] ~2,187~
Kidou: 1,800
Hadou #4, Byakurai
Hadou #2, Beniikazuchi
Hadou #22, Deadly Quill
Hadou #37, Altar
Bakudou #26, Atlas
Chiyudo #32, Tangent

Connection: 4,951
Knife
Energy Pill (5)
Throwing Knives (3)


Ten'oh Yuri -- 7th Seat, 10th Division
Grade -- 0
Reiatsu: 4,649
Kamikaze - ~5,113~
Zanjutsu: 1727
Hakuda: 646
Hohou: 1627
Kidou: 646
~Hadou #3, Myaku [Non/For/Lng] - 20 Kidou~
~Bakudou #20, Chains of Misery [Fir/Sht/Lng] -- 170 Kidou~
~Hadou #23, Deadly Quill [Non/Sky/Tar] -- 130 Kidou~

Connection: 4,075
Items:
<3 ラブラブ Sake Decanter <3
Throwing Knives (3)
Wakizashi


Sergeant Matsumoto Kenzo -- 10th Squadron of the Tendam Force, 8th Platoon
Proficiency - 0
Energy Output: 45002
I-Field Generator: ~20%~
Power Drain: ~40%~
Zero System: ~60%~
New Type Ability: ~80%~
Hyper Jammer: ~100%~
Beam Saber Output: 20000
Jamming Range: 56
Vernier Thrust: 18728
Beam Rifle Setting: 6500
SLOT
Seishin #25, Target
Seishin #61, Dodge
Seishin #68, Iron Wall
Seishin #30, Hot Blood
Seishin #67, Spirit
Seishin #53, Miricle
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT
SLOT
Fusion Reaction: 37947
Equipment:
(u) Meteor System
Compact Beam Sword


Kusanagi Sanosuke - 9th Seat, 10th Division
Grade -- 0
Reiatsu: 4415
Myoujou - ~4857~
Zanjutsu: 1397
Hakudo: 345
Hohou: 1095
Kidou: 1578
Reiatsu Kōsho - Bougyoudou #33, 350 Kidou
Blaze - Hadou #36, 500 Kidou
Chains of Misery -- Bakudou #20, 170 Kidou
Nowhere's Gate - Bakudou #67, 1100 Kidou
Symbol of Summoning -- Bougyoudou #63, 1000 Kidou
Haien (Waste Flame) - Hadou #54, 1100 Kidou
Connection: 4254
Items:
Blood-stained Green Ribbon (U)
Energy Pill (5)
Final Burst Tablet (2)
Kidou Scroll (Bisokudo)


Saito Tasogare -- 12th Seat, 10th Division
Grade - 30
Reiatsu: 1732
Zanjutsu: 660
Hakuda: 60
Hohou: 660
Kidou: 352
-Bakudou #20 Chains of Misery
- Kidou slot
- Kidou slot
Connection: 1441
- Item Slot
- Item Slot
- Item Slot


Dragan Stankic - 10th Division, Unseated
Grade - 0
Reiatsu: 410
Zanjutsu: 85
Hakuda: 125
Hohou: 110
Kidou: 90
Hadou #2 - Beniikazuchi
Chiyudo #3, Hakuen
Bakudou #1, Obstruction

Connection: 273
Items:
(U)The Glove of Stankic


Nagano Otonashi - 10th division, Unseated
Grade -- 103 + 150 Division Bonus
Reiatsu: 100
Zanjutsu: 20
Hakuda: 5
Hohou: 60
Kidou: 15
Beniikazuchi (Crimson Thunder) -Hadou #2, 15 kidou
Senkou - Bougyoudo #1, 15 Kidou
Higashiyori (means, "Spring Wind") - Chiyudo #1, 5 Kidou

Connection: 0
 

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