[12th] Week 97: Keitaku Tenson

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Kade Fuhma

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AIM Screen name: PeeMeat

Name: Keitaku Tenson (Japanese Format)
"Descendant of a god, a blessing"

Age: (Age of Death) 20, (Been in Soul Society) 489 years, Looks about 23

Persona: Though very intellectual and analytical, Tenson is usually a calm and very nice and caring man. He loves to help people and cherishes the ones close to him. Tenson is also known to be a rather clumsy person at times(i.e. knocking into people or dropping a stack of plates). Tenson also hates the mere idea of swearing extensively. He believes words such as those wouldn't help you in tough situations.

When in battle, he becomes serious and very analytical. His clumsiness and calm, caring attitude suddenly disappear, as if they never existed. However, Tenson's first priority in a fight is always making sure his friends are safe and away from harm. If any of his friends are ever hurt, he blames it on himself and always feels he has to apologize.When anyone tries to degrade him, Tenson becomes very testy and suddenly short tempered. He especially hates being called "useless" .


Physical Stature:

Tenson stands at 6'2 and has a rather large mark on his chest. He doesn't know why he has a weird mark.

Happy_Birthday_Yagami_Raito_by_faer.png

White_transmutation_circle.jpg

Division and Seat: 12th Division, Unseated

Zanpakutou: In its sealed state, Tenson's zanpakutou is a katana that is roughly 27" in length. Added to his zanpakutou a thin black cloth that is wrapped around the handle. About 2" of cloth hangs off the handle.

katana.jpg

Biography: Little, if any, is known about Tenson's past. All he remembers is a beautiful, blonde woman that always looked and smiled at him. The unusual mark covering his chest is constantly questioned by others as well as himself. However, he always dreams of himself being in bondage on a table and several tubes and such are inside him. There are people in black cloaks with strange tools, as if he were a guinea pig for something.

Stats:

All other points other than the 100 I start with is rolled over from my deceased character, Kade Fuhma. The roll over has been approved by Wind.

Reiatsu: 3,639
Zanjutsu: 1,200
Hakuda: 39
Houhou: 1,200
Kidou: 1,200
Connection: 2,465

Sample Chapter:

~Leaving Rukongai, A New Life [1,069]
The opportunity of a lifetime

"Again the Bazaar was raided overnight," Tenson sighed as he continued walking through the thin strip of collapsed buildings that was formerly known as the Bazaar.

The 65th district of Rukongai wasn't necessarily the best place to live, but, for some unknown reason, Tenson felt he belonged there. He continued looking left and right, quickly inspecting the remnants of water, fruit, and other 'valuables' that were scattered across the floor. He placed his hands in his pockets, trying to contain the scream that he desperately held inside at the moment.

" Right when I get money this **** place gets raided! Just my luck!"

His eyes averted to the worn dirt that was referred to as the road. He wanted to find the people responsible for doing this. After all, these people ruined Tenson's meal. Grunting, Tenson approached a wall, indicating the end of the market. He stopped a few feet away from the wall, his eyes still staring at the dirt.

Suddenly, Tenson tilted his head back quickly and let out a loud, agonizing scream. "Why me!" he yelled. The scream seemed so loud that all of Rukongai probably heard it.

After taking a few deep breaths, he turned right, entering a rather dark alley. It was pitch black, but, Tenson was too focused on what he was going to eat to care about his surroundings.

Not too far away, Tenson heard talking, or, perhaps it was yelling. His gaze transferred from the now black dirt to the crack of light a few feet ahead of him. He began running, curious as to what the hell was going on. He needed something, anything to get his mind off of food, even if it was for only a few minutes. Tenson's running stopped as he exited the dark alley and entered a clearing.

Three men that each wore a blue tank top and long, worn out black pants surrounded a woman in a shinigami uniform.

"Just give me your money and you can go safely lady!" The man clenched his fists, causing his already huge muscles to bulge. Many scars covered his arms and face, showing he had a rough life. His comrades seemed to have roughly the same amount of scars, though their physiques were the opposite. One was as skinny as a stick and the other was on the plump side.

The woman wrapped her long, dark blue hair in a bun and stared at the man. "I just got paid and it's not much," She unsheathed her sword and rested it on her right side. "So there's no way you're getting my money without a fight!"

Tenson finally was able to see after adjusting to the sudden burst of light. The woman slammed the handle of her sword into the skinny man's face. The man flew right through the wall beside Tenson, causing him to take a large step to the left. He looked on in suspense. The plump man was shoved into the ground, face first, by a leg sweep from the woman. Her eyes were locked on the man who demanded her money. The man began to sweat heavily, but overcame his fear and charged at the woman. She responded with a small chuckle as she ran the butt of her sword into the man's nose, causing him to fall straight back.

"You broke my nose!" he yelled as tears leaked out of his eyes.

The woman suddenly looked at Tenson stolidly. He looked back and his eyes widened.

" She looks just like that blonde woman in my dreams!"

"What is it?" the woman asked as she placed her sword back into its holster.

Tenson quickly returned back to his calm yet frustrated attitude. "Nothing," he said as he walked toward the woman. The woman turned her body so she was facing Tenson. Silence filled the air as a sudden wind started to pick up.

Out of the corner of his eye, Tenson saw the muscular man slowly begin to stand up, though, the woman seemed to be completely oblivious to it. A right hook began to approach the woman's cheek, but, at the last second, Tenson delivered a punch of his own to the man's face, knocking him back on the floor, unconscious. The woman glanced over at the now bloodied man. "Thanks," she said, looking back at Tenson.

Tenson inspected the woman, using his highly developed detective skills to try to find out who she was. He yawned and closed his eyes. Being hungry begins to take its toll on you. "Don't mention it," he said, finishing his long yawn. "So what's a shinigami doing this far in Rukongai anyway?"

The woman rested her left hand on her chin and looked up. "Ummm," she didn't want to embarrass herself. "Well-"

The woman was suddenly cut off as Tenson began walking away. "Whatever," he said as he slouched and placed his hands in his pockets. "I don't care either way. It's not my problem you're lost."

" How did he know I got lost?" She stared at Tenson as he slowly walked away. " His reiatsu...it's close to my level...and his analytical abilities are amazing."

"Wait!" she yelled, trying to stop Tenson. "I'd like to offer you an opportunity to become a shinigami."

Tenson suddenly stopped and looked behind him. "A shinigami?" He turned his entire body around so he was facing the woman. "Why me?"

"Well, you reiatsu isn't half bad and you seem pretty smart."

Tenson stared at the woman. " A shinigami is an elite soldier. This woman doesn't seem to be the brightest of the bunch, but, I might as well take advantage of such an offer. After all, she thinks a little strength and a brain the size of a peanut is all the requirements to become a shinigami."

"I accept," Tenson said. "I'm Keitaku Tenson. You?"

The woman smiled. "I'm Tero Rena, a shinigami in the 4th Division," she gave a thumbs up, proudly showing off her shinigami uniform. "Allow me to escort you to the Academy."

Tenson sighed. Though he was happy to be given such an opportunity, he was dying of hunger. He nodded and approached Rena, but, suddenly, a growling noise could be heard. Rena gave a confused look as Tenson gave a nervous smile.

"Uhhh, Rena, before we go, do you have any food?"
 
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PandaGod666

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All in all good, and seeing how you've been accepted before, I'm sure your writing capabilities won't be questioned.

Name: Cool name, and I'm sure no one else has it so your good.

Age: No problems here, though the time span seems a bit long to me. @_@ Again its your choise.

Persona: Lots of spaces, maybe some condensing, but nothing wrong that I can see.

Physical: Though you do provide a picture, some more details would be nice in regards to his physical attributes. How tall is he? Scars? I mean a picture is definitely nice but can be misleading.

Bio: Everything in the application could be expanded upon a little more. It seems a bit lacking even though I know your character is supposed to not remember his past and such. Maybe a few other members can give you suggestions on that.

Stats: Your stats are cool as far as im concerned, seeing how we have spoken about this before, and if Wind has no problem with it, then I don't see why anyone else would.

Sample Chapter: Lastly, ya might wanna read through your sample chapter a bit, once or thrice, somethings did not quite flow right here and there, but nothing major. I'm sure you'll be accepted again so no worries.

Sorry for killing your first character!!!!!!!!!!!
 

AngryPolkaBoy

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Hmm... I'm not entirely sure why you're reapplying in the first place, since you were never taken off the roster in your division...

But if you really want to, I guess I'll give you my comments on this whole thing :p

I found your Persona a bit 'choppy', it's just full of segmented sentences that aren't connected, not logically and not structurally.

What really needs work here in your Physical Structure, because really, I see pictures in this section as shortcuts, and that's uncool. I want to be able to visualize your character just by reading your description of it, and then I'll have the picture as extra memory aid or something, not as the description itself.
Don't forget this section is here also because we're judging the quality of your writing of physical descriptions.

Pretty much the same goes for your Zanpakutou Description.

Your Biography is a little short as well; seeing as how in the sample chapter he somehow pops up in the 65th district of Rukongai, I'd think at least part of that would come up in his bio.

Anyways, your writing quality is as good as always, you just may have lazy'd around in some parts...
I suggest checking with your captain to see if you really need to reapply. And that's not because I'm too lazy to review apps >_>;;
 
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PandaGod666

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Just because your automatically in, doesn't mean you don't have to fix this. *Cracks the Whip* You fix this right nao! Lawl, and congrats on being back again? The? >^.^<
 

AngryPolkaBoy

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PandaGod666 said:
Just because your automatically in, doesn't mean you don't have to fix this. *Cracks the Whip* You fix this right nao! Lawl, and congrats on being back again? The? >^.^<
Actually... that's exactly what that means >_>;;;

Kade, post your profile in the Gotei Personnel and have this thread removed, please.

And welcome back o.oV
 

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