Approved Ameus Cornelia Renaldi - Spurii (Cross-breed)

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Nutella

Homoerotic Subtext
May 27, 2011
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Name: Ameus Cornelia Renaldi
Age: 22
Race: Spurii: Laicar, Enlil, Velen
If Spurii, indicate your first Racial Trait: Aquatic Affinity (Velen)

Vigor: 1500
Latens: 0

Persona: At first glance, Ameus appears to be the typical Terminus 'newcomer'--curious, possibly with a strong desire to "fit in" with the crowd. She listens to the stories of other people, and bother with the little things that people with higher ambitions would tend to miss. She appears to be among those spurii who are "too proud to take heed" of others' prejudice towards her mixed heritage. More often than not, she "tries" to charm her way to people's (preferably men's) hearts, possibly searching for a highway to fame in the metropolis.

And while some of these assumptions hold true, some traits hold deeper into her being, carved into the very bases of her actions that guide her to her own aspirations.

Ameus is an outwardly dignified lady whose relationships are of a pretentious state. She is flamboyant and sassy, often an eye-catcher even when donned with the simplest of clothes. She uses her charm to weave the illusion of immersion in a place where she is clearly an outcast, to extract information, to obtain items, to connect with more personalities and on rarer times, to lead others to do her bidding.

While she appears to be relatively nonchalant about overt insults towards her mixed heritage, she distinctly remembers and hold grudges toward these purists. When employed in the service of another, or commissioned to create an item for a customer, she holds no prejudice towards who or what her customer is, as long as they do not drop any derogatory comments on her being and the implications on her skills, personality and life for being a spurii.

She can be fierce and competitive, especially when her pride is in line, or when something is between her and what she desires. When her greed becomes stronger towards what is at stake, Ameus can be highly destructive, often in a covert manner that will not stain the outward reputation that she worked so hard for. When people gets into her nerves too much, she "manages" them in her own vile, usually underhanded methods. Ameus is particularly efficient at work, especially when her heart is into it. While she is inclined to accept jobs for money, she is more inclined to engage in activities that satisfy her personal desires—innovation, beauty, or violence.

No one knows her full name, not even her partner. Whether it is something she merely protects with her life or something she never had is unknown to everyone she meets. To everyone, she is simply Ameus Cornelia.

Physical Stature: Ameus bears the blood of the three biological races, and each bears a mark on her being to showcase her diverse heritage.

With years of frequent swimming and manual labor, Ameus had come to possess a beautiful physique, with firm curves in all the right places. Standing at a proud 5'6", even her slightly broad shoulders, long arms and strong muscles seemed rather proportional, lady-like, by standards of the aquatic people. Her cerulean skin is smooth and firm, highly reminiscent of the velen complexion.

Her diamond-shaped visage of pale cerulean strongly resembles the features of a female laicar's, with a straight nose, high cheekbones, distinctive ears, full navy lips and a prominent jawline to match. Her sunset-colored eyes are round and double lidded, and often marked with a spark of either interest or competition. Instead of hairy eyebrows, her eyes are accentuated by a pair of long strands that resemble a bird's crown. What separates it from a laicarian face, however, are the facial markings that her body bears. A pointed streak of dark turquoise stretches from her right temple to the bridge of her nose, while the top right portion of her face to her forehead features a different coloration—deep viridian around her right eye, fading to a turquoise on her forehead, to a deep navy on the crown that matches the scales that rest at the top of her head. In addition to that, the upper portion of Ameus's face is a shade lighter than that of the rest of her body.

A mass of large, iridescent scales rest atop her head— while they appear to be navy blue or dark cerulean under dark light, it shimmers with a beautiful hue of cerulean and viridian with bright light. The chitinous scales at the back of her hands, her forearm, upper abdomen and shins also bears the same color.

Her tresses consist of highly elongated, upper tail covert feathers of the enlils. Most often, her flamboyant tresses display a wide range of bluish and greenish hues, however, seeing it from certain angles reveal the rare golden flecks in her plumage.

An array of turquoise and azure plumage covers halfway her neck, her upper chest, her shoulders and her upper back, drawing the attention away from the gills at the sides of her neck. The long corsets that she usually wear when out of water resembles the style of these feathers, and if made with pure cloth, she goes to great lengths to ensure that the color matches the plumage. A pair of long, dark-colored stockings and ankle-high heeled boots complete her normal attire. When she so desires to hide the flamboyant nature of her body, however, she opts to wear a simple turtleneck dress and a navy scarf around her head.

Biography: Ameus is the only child of Cressida and Janus Renaldi, a spurii couple who built their family on the idle shores of Prendere, away from the bustling cities and the prying eyes of judgmental purists. Her mother worked as a dressmaker, while her father worked as an ingeniarius. Despite their remarkable skills, they yearned to live simply, and to be as invisible as possible. As a child, her world revolved around clothes, machines and swimming, being her parents' personal assistant around the house. Her knowledge of the world was limited at best, and she had absolutely no knowledge of Terminus until she was 8.

And in every waking moment, she often found herself wishing that she hadn't.

Her first visit to the grand metropolis was remarkably revolting, but what gained Ameus's ire wasn't that—it was the fact that her life had gone downhill from there. Her parents lost their business, until eventually, they were murdered at their own home. Their house was left in shambles, and everything her parents worked for were either destroyed or gone. Orphaned at 9, she had the unfortunate fate of being picked up by a child-trafficking syndicate, and sold off to a drug dealer in Pelagia. The first few years were traumatizing. Aside from the overwhelming discrimination at her heritage, it was filled with frequent trips to local police stations, and punishment whenever she returned to their lounge. In order to survive, she learned the skills needed to be a successful decoy and informant until eventually, she became actively involved with expanding her boss's network (and also her own).

It was when she was 15 that the drug dealer was murdered, and in a fortunate turn of events, she found herself in a better state of living. She became the personal assistant of a client whom she already knew for years, and she was given an opportunity to move to the northern regions of Excelsus. Little by little, Ameus began to establish her own reputation, and expanded her own network from the old business connections to more personal ones. On the side, she was allowed to pick up the skills she thought she'd lose forever. Her employer supported her growth as a person, not only morally but also financially.

In a pursuit to find her parents' murderers, Ameus moved away from her stable life and entered the bustling streets of southern Terminus, under the guise of a dressmaker and budding ingeniarius. She travels frequently between Terminus, Pelagia and Boreas in order to obtain materials for her crafts. Ameus also keeps an intimate relationship with her previous employer, who supports her whenever and wherever needed.

Character Skills

School of Serpens (The Serpent)
Way of Perspicax (The Sniper)
Way of Polybolii (The Gunner)
Art of Aedificare (The Blacksmith)
Art of Terriculum (The Gunsmith)
Art of Ingeniarius (The Engineer)


Sample Chapter:

Tales of the Exiled
1,000 words

"Daddy, why don't we visit grandaddy more often?" the small, squeaky voice of a child spoke, accompanied with the gentle sound of waves crashing against the shore and the occasional whistle of the wind. "It was fun!" A giggle followed, though quickly muffled until it whittled away into silence.

"Did you really like it that much?" an older voice followed, a deep and warm voice that tore through the ruminations of the little child.

"Mmm!" The cerulean child nodded excitedly, and looked up at her father's face with a cheeky grin. "Talking robots, daddy! We don't have them around here!"

A wary smile etched itself into the father's lips as his hand raised to caress the little child's plumage. "It was all about the demvirs, wasn't it?"

A slight ho-hum was all she replied for a while, head tilting to the direction of the sea. "Not really! Demvirs were awesome, but so was grandaddy! Why don't we visit him more often?" she repeated, the sights of his grandfather's house still swirling before her eyes. "His house is really big and nice, too!"

"I know, right?" he spoke back, barely concealing the tinge of longing in his voice. With a smile and a glance at his daughter, Janus's arm tightened its wrap around her body, just as her little arms wrapped around his. "He taught me everything I know about engineering. He's good at it. We don't see each other often, though." As the child's head rested at the crook of his neck, his eyes wandered to the horizon.

"Why not? Didn't you live together like we do now?" she murmured, her voice suddenly overpowered by a bird that violently screeched as it fled away from the incoming wave. "I mean, no morning pies and weekly family trips to the city? And... no bedtime stories?"

A chuckle escaped from the depths of her father's throat, silently appreciating the child's simple views on their situation. "Mommy makes the pies, so no morning pies for me. Grandaddy lives on the city, so he doesn't have to make weekly trips. And no bedtime stories." Gently, Janus rocked her body and patted her shoulders, as though lulling her to sleep.

"What? No morning pies?!" she half-whined as she heaved her weight on her arms and moved away from her father's embrace. "That's horrible! Did grandmommy not know how to make pies?"

Janus stifled another laugh. I didn't even know about that... he thought, and felt himself die a little inside. "Grandmommy was ki—" Janus abruptly stopped and bit his lip in regret. "I... I meant, grandmommy went to a far place, and daddy wasn't able to taste her pies." He stuttered, but managed to force a nervous laugh at his blatant lie.

"Oh. That's sad...." The child frowned, and slumped herself on her father's body. "But still, you could have grandaddy make the pies."

"He, well, he can't, either. Grandaddy lives in Terminus, and I live here. We live here. In Prendere. The pies would become all cold and soggy before it gets here." He found himself furiously racking his mind for excuses, and a lot came to mind. It was easy. The only thing he had to consider, was whether it sounded reasonable.

"Well, can't we live with grandaddy? Terminus looks awesome," she mumbled, feeling her eyelids grow heavier by the second.

"We can't live on Terminus, honey. We... we just can't." Janus spoke with a degree of finality and simply rested his hand on his child's back. "Terminus might look like a really nice place to you, with talking robots and hovering drones. But it's a frightening city, more so for us. Ameus, we... well, your mother and I, don't want to take great risks."

"Whyyyyyy?" Ameus whined sleepily, and though she made an effort to rock her body furiously, it turned out to be a failure. She seemed more like a jelly that simply wobbled.

"Lots of reasons, honey. You won't understand right now. One day, I promise, I'll tell you," he spoke to his child, yet his spirit seemed distant, like a silhouette in the darkness that engulfed the shores of Prenditus. For a while, only the sound of the waves went past their ears, filling the eerie silence that he felt rather reluctant to fill.

But then, Ameus managed to chuck out a slurry 'when' from between consciousness and dreamland.

"Probably when you're more awake, so you'd understand," was his only reply, smiling sadly at his own child. Lifting a finger, he shoved the little wisps of plumage from her face and caressed the lining of her ears.

A disappointed huff escaped the little child's nostrils, but the father was already too-familiar of this affair. Ever since they've come home from Terminus, Ameus would babble about the metropolis until she ran out of breath, or until her energy was drained. He couldn't blame her—it was an overwhelming city, for a child whose life was isolated on the idle shores of this southern kingdom. Janus tried to be understanding, and he will have to concoct better lies to keep her away from the issue.

With a heavy sigh, the spurii adjusted his child's body and heaved with all his strength, lifting himself and the child off from the soft sands of the shore. Ameus stirred in her still-shallow sleep, shifting her body and mumbling a rather incoherent speech that almost seemed to ask for her bedtime story.

Slowly, Janus trekked the short walk home, leaving a deep trail of footprints behind them. In the darkness, only the light of the numerous stars and the brilliance of the moon guided his steps on the familiar path. "I want to be in Terminus too, Ameus. But we really can't," he mumbled softly as their humble abode came into view, a singular home that stood far from the next one, barricaded only by a fence and a line of flower pots. "If we want to live, we have to live invisible from grandaddy's pureblood family... and preferably far, far away from Terminus."
 
Last edited:

Redfin

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A first note, you may only select racial abilities from 2 races, even if your character is a mixture of all three.

Your application vexes me. It has nothing to do with the first part, that's all fine and good. It has nothing to do with the content of the sample chapter, either. That's also good. The thing that vexes me is your constant usage of the work spoke. After thinking about it for a bit, I believe this is the way your dialogue punctuation should go.

For the most part, the spoke is part of the sentence, therefore, the following part wouldn't be capitalized, as such:

"Daddy, why don't we visit grandaddy more often?" the small, squeaky voice of a child spoke....

For the most part, every instance of the dialogue followed by the word spoke should be in lower case. The only one that I think doesn't is this one:

"We can't live on Terminus, honey. We... we just can't." Janus spoke with a degree of finality, and simply rested his hand on his child's back.
Though it does need a he in there.

"We can't live on Terminus, honey. We... we just can't." Janus spoke with a degree of finality, and he simply rested his hand on his child's back.

That, or you can remove the comma before the and. That is because a comma before a conjunction should only be used if both parts of the sentence are full sentences.

Now, on to related mistakes

"Did you really like it that much?" An older voice followed, a deep and warm voice that tore through the ruminations of the little child.
"Well, can't we live with grandaddy? Terminus looks awesome...." She mumbled, feeling her eyelids grow heavier by the second.
These two should be:
"Did you really like it that much?" an older voice followed, a deep and warm voice that tore through the ruminations of the little child.

"Well, can't we live with grandaddy? Terminus looks awesome...," she mumbled, feeling her eyelids grow heavier by the second.

That is because the part after the dialogue is part of the same sentence. Due to that, it is not capitalized. Typically, you know if it is part of the same sentence if it contains something that directly describes how the dialogue is being said.

The application is good. Oh that persona was going so well until those last few paragraphs. Anyways, fix those mistakes and post here again.
 

Dysney

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Hi Nella~

While you're doing what Finny asked, I'd like you to pass go and collect 500 bonus Vigor (or Latens) cause you can, so you should. Other than that, your name/age/race/vigour/latens/stats all check out (missing 500 points and second racial trait notwithstanding). As for your persona... your biography is interesting and supports the persona you have written up but will Ameus come across that way in your writing of her? Not anything I'm asking you to change, just a thing to consider. Good work overall.

That's all!

(Will be back with approval stamps after you repost)
 
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