Reviewed [Aq] Week 230: Continuing Stories - Feedback

Dysney

Staff Member
Dec 30, 2012
2,127
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Murica
#2
Hey Hare. When I started to read this, I realized there was a lot more to it than can fit in one chapter. Luckily, I was able to read the one before to get some context because it was helpfully linked to this. I like Ioannes' characterization quite a bit. He's scared, and for good reason, but is able to stand up to something he sees as wrong. You do a good job of showcasing how difficult this is for him, especially when he tries to think back to what his mentor used to say, but still doesn't quite feel reassured. The way you continue to write him as nervous, even when he's got the two goons at gunpoint helps make this a realistic scene. I think I got a pretty good mental movie of what was happening as I read, so good work.
 

Writing Week is 231

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