Reviewed [Be/Be] Week: 194: A Typical Bar Crawl - Feedback

Mystydjinn

[Insert rimshot]
Jul 29, 2013
1,504
3
38
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Flint, MI
#1

swaswj

Administrator
Staff member
Feb 18, 2008
6,623
17
38
32
#2
Well, this is late. I could have sworn that I saw someone else had posted some reviews, but that's my mistake.

I really enjoyed this, actually. I don't know if the color switches were in error, but if accurate, the way you blended one turn into the next was fantastic, and at no point did it really feel like there was a back-and-forth trade. If not for the colors, I might've believed this had been written by just one of you, which is great. Now, with that being said, it does feel like Moon was carrying a lot here. Aelflead filled her role perfectly, but I would have liked to see more parity in the actual wordcount, and you could have boosted your role by describing more of the setting in the beginning or adding more action into your parts.

Descriptions are important, though. I still would like to see both of you spend a little more time on setting a scene. Even a paragraph can build atmosphere.

Food for thought: I don't know if it's written anywhere, but I believe velen teeth regrow like sharks. Also, they might rip leather boots when you kick them.
 

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