Reviewed [Be] Week 194 : A Child's Promise - Feedback

swaswj

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Feb 18, 2008
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#2
Good to have you writing again, man.

This is a short chapter, so my thoughts will probably be short, too, but this brief glimpse into young Dante's childhood helps clarify some of his indecision as an adult. I would have liked to see at least one example of the answers he gave, and I'd like to know why he's interested in studying despite his father's feelings toward it. The most interesting bits, to me, were gleaned from between the lines.

For instance, referring to Dante as an athlete already at ten years old together with the implication that his father held negative thoughts toward magic creates a picture of a father pushing Dante to be a kinchaa player from an early age -- perhaps because it was something he tried to do himself, but failed, or because he wanted something better out of life for his son than his own lot in life. His mother being ambivalent but not openly supportive gives the idea that Dante's mainly on his own as a child.

Mechanically, keep an eye on the dialogue punctuation. MS Word will consistently auto-correct incorrectly when you transition out of dialogue ending in an exclamation or question mark.
 

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