Reviewed [Be] Week 232: No Sympathy - Feedback

swaswj

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OKAY SO I AM going to be references and going off my comments from Discord a bit writing this, SO FORGIVE ME. Remind me to bully chat for more feedback >8(

SO OVERALL, this chapter was really good throughout. I know a lot of your stuff has gotten longer lately (or...has it? IT FEELS like it has...) but I think part of that is because you're working to create a deeper, more authentic sort of novel feel in your storylines, and I can totally dig and support that. It sorta comes through, too, in how fleshed out you make your descriptions of places, things, characters - how you regularly bring back old plots or characters to tie the story together, how you regularly introduce NEW characters and plot threads that will clearly play a bigger part in the long run. I LIKE IT. KEEP AT IT.


I continue to like the end, especially knowing how you intend to weave it into - not only Naev's, but multiple characters' plotlines if you can swing it. The characters you introduced all felt vibrant and interesting, even if there were a LOT of new ones and splitting the screentime evenly amongst them made it hard to really memorize ALL of them for their INDIVIDUAL quirks (but there's time to do that in future installments).

I still say that recreating that super-long (super-cool don't get me wrong) animation made the action scene run on a little long, though. I'm not sure how you'd remedy that - maybe skim over a bit of the blow-by-blow details (but the moves were all so cool I know both of us would want to recreate the idea and movement of the whole thing, so UGH) or by trying to just work at having it all flow a bit better. Which is hard to suggest, since all of your stuff naturally flows, so suggesting you flow MORE is...???

OKAY THAT'S ALL I GOT TTYL
 

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Writing Week is 236

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