Reviewed [Be] Week 237: Reaping - Feedback

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Bat Cthulhu

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Jun 18, 2009
704
8
18
Latens
48✦
Exa
⏆274
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium
0⌯
Bigatium
0⍨
Auritium
0⍫
Vitatium
0⌭
Caelitium
0⌬
This one was a little different than i was expecting going in.

Mechanically, it is all there, and I even learned a new word. The description of the area helps set the scene and explains the end, which is nice.

I also like how your two central characters for this chapter interact. Keydis seems oddly unsure, but that is part of bird-science-man having planned this out. Having seen your plot line lined up, it makes a lot of sense that he was in control the entire time.

Still, part of this feels rushed? It may be because I'm tired, but the flow is very fast for me. Aside from the beginning stuff, all the internal conflict is set up and resolved within a paragraph or two. Arguments are stated and dismissed in one or two sentences. That is especially odd in a piece that starts to ask you what counts as justice? I imagine the rush for a resolution is part of Keydis' character. She is not big on self-reflection, but I hope she circles back to this.

For Bird-Science-Man, it is really cool to see him so in control, and to see that altruistic streak pop up again. He endangers his own plan for some people to get some vengeance on this guy. It is again strange to see, but I am coming to terms with it. Maybe he is in a little bit denial about his own nature? Or maybe I just was? Either way, i like it when he wins.

Overall, good piece that feels like it was a little rushed, but not unbearably so. Good job. Silver star with gold trimmings? Gold star with bronze trimmings? Recommendation to, even for someone like Keydis, take the time to flesh out her thoughts, or even the not as important story dialogue.
 
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