Reviewed [Be] Week 269 : Till Death Do Us Part - Feedback

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Dojat

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Talk about an objection to a marriage!

This piece was really well paced and didn't linger too long while still managing to paint a vivid image through your use of details. There were a couple moments where I didn't fully understand what was happening. For example,
"What is this?! I will not stand for this insolence! Get-" a loud bang echoed in the church.
What was the loud bang? I presume they fired a shot to cut off his sentence but I think a small indication to confirm that would do a good service just to prevent any confusion.

I also liked the presentation of characters - Clare, Teresa, and Alexander specifically all had very well-described appearances that laid out a good framework for the imagination. Hopefully, with the cast introduced, we get more backstory and exposure to them in the future!

Overall a very well-written bit of writing that has me intrigued on where the story is going, if you choose to continue it!
 

swaswj

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I agree with Dojat's thoughts. Also, the build-up toward the happy ceremony almost demanded that something bad would happen, but I expected it would be Cecil and not someone coming after Cecil. I'm curious to find out more, and depending on what customs you're adopting from the real world, it'd be interesting to find out if Cecil had plans to use the wedding dowry to settle his debts rather than get his new life with Priscilla started.

Speaking of customs, however, I'll admit to being a little disappointed at how... familiar the ceremony was. Being fantasy, and with multiple belief systems and cultures to draw from, there was an opportunity here to describe a unique ceremony for the wedding. It's one of the great freedoms of writing, and while the wedding itself is only the precursor for a greater conflict with the thieves, I'm hoping to see you take advantage of the creative freedom you have as you write more. Things don't have to be outlandish to be enjoyable, but when I read, I love to learn more about the characters, about their cultures, about their vices and virtues.

We don't get to see too much of Priscilla's personality here, but based on some hints in Discord and the setup, I'm genuinely looking forward to how this plays out... or how it affects her in the longterm. A good inversion of the damsel-in-distress always makes for a fun read.
 

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