Reviewed [collab] Man Within The Machine - Feedback

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Redfin

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This was a fun meeting collab. It shows a lot of Kai and how much the impact of having everyone disappear affected him. He's slow to trust, and is really focused on the mystery. I wonder how effective it is asking random people if they have any idea what happened. I do like the slow getting to know each other of the start and how the two become slightly more comfortable with each other by the end.

Laermont does make some good points on why nothing was ever done about the whole thing. It's a really curious event that makes a good mystery to solve. I wonder where it will go from there?

There are some minor mistakes, such as:
“Thanks Gus,” The hazel eyed man said with a grin. “I appreciate you doing this.”
which should be:
“Thanks Gus,” the hazel eyed man said with a grin. “I appreciate you doing this.”
Because the entire thing is one sentence, and capitals don't go in the middle of a sentence.

It's a fun meeting collab.
 

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