Reviewed [Collab] Week: 194: Chicken n' Fish Fry - Feedback

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Mystydjinn

[Insert rimshot]
#1

swaswj

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#2
Gotta get better at naming these things.

I've sort of made it known how I feel about this 'Trickster' portrayal of Occultus, but I'm not here to stamp over your creative spark. I'm not going to say much about that. The collab as a whole was good, although Oscar's evasiveness was at risk of dragging on too long: a tip, if you're going to play that sort of style, would be to slip something meaningful into the seeming nonsense. Trying to figure out what it means, even if it turns out to be impossible, is more interesting to a reader than chaos that feels like stalling.

I like Ignis being concerned about Aelflead even after how poorly the redhead treats her, and it comes back to her own curious and reckless nature. Heroic, one might call it. Especially, I thought her reaction after Aelflead comes to her senses was perfect: after the Black Portal and her own contract with Amicus, Ignis doesn't even question the fact that Aelf has a contract with an otherworldly being: her shock is that Aelflead would dare to break it.

For her part, Aelflead's mental and physical struggle here, although mainly in the background, justifies some of her brash nature. The uncomfortable allusions in the visions and smells manage to show without telling, not so subtle perhaps but showing a level of discretion I wouldn't have expected.

Now I'm curious how the two characters' relationship will evolve after this.
 

Current Writing Week is 197

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