Reviewed [Collab] Week: 198: Partnership deal: [Moon|Mysty] - Feedback

Mystydjinn

[Insert rimshot]
Jul 29, 2013
1,516
4
38
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Flint, MI
#1

swaswj

Administrator
Staff member
Feb 18, 2008
6,636
17
38
32
#2
Quick note: no need to put the writers in the subject line.

Aelflead's brusque, irritable nature plays well off of the generally mild Aeria. Aelf's dogged insistence on helping comes off as odd, so I appreciate the hook at the end of the collab. It reintroduces that Aelflead feels solidarity to other spurii, explaining why Aelflead helps Aeria without outright stating it. Another fun point in the collab was seeing Aeria's switch flip from, "no, don't get involved," to "here's some ideas, maybe even take out the chairman."

Sorry these comments are short. I overall enjoyed this, but there wasn't a lot to comment on it: good character building, nice spots of humor, solid setup for advancement in the TorBru arc. One suggestion I do have: most (all?) of your recent collabs have been primarily talky. Nothing of real note happened with the thugs to consider that action. Even if it's something like sneaking around or scouting locations, bringing some degree of dynamism into the next pieces will help. Aelflead getting her cloak repaired will be talky, so if you do take this advice, it'll mainly fall on you, Moon.

Keep it going, regardless!
 

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