Reviewed [Collab] Week 349: Thanks For All The Fish! - Feedback

  • Ready to join Post Terminus?

    Click to get started and submit your first character.

    Getting Started

swaswj

Administrator
Staff member
Feb 18, 2008
6,898
28
48
35
Latens
5,670✦
Exa
⏆3,302
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium (⏆50 per)
2⌯
Bigatium (⏆100 per)
4⍨
Auritium (⏆300 per)
0⍫
Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
0⌭
Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
Another meet-n-greet, and this time the disparity between the two feels much more exaggerated -- as it should be with the towering, dangerous Diamantus and the wide-eyed young Mille. She definitely treats Mille like a kid here and compared to her, he is. It was fun to read, although I think she may have scared him a little too much. I want sushi now.

Also not that I'm against it, but I notice Dia's got a more piratey accent going here, something I don't recall seeing much of before. I'd like to see that continue, kind of a distinctive feature for her.

Pho, I like the callout toward Beaks' writing with the Happy Hammer reference. Little details like this really bring things together, make it feel like a shared world.
 

Patreon

Writing Week is 357

Discord Chat

Current Date in Araevis