Group 3 and Bish
Stepping in here so people can have their grades. Let's get this over with.
Dys:
Where the Pieces Fit
Lets get this out of the way. I know nothing about these characters. I'm a blank slate. That being said, it's not all bad news. First impressions are important, and it's not often someone gets their work reviewed by someone totally unfamiliar with their characters! New perspective!
...Anyways, the prognosis is good, at least for Robin and his band of rugrats. In this short chapter I managed to get a good feeling for the personalities and drives for the characters involved. The writing flowed well and the interactions never felt strained or unnatural. It was an organic experience that didn't sell the characters short, and that's a good thing, especially in just one thousand words. There were a few spots here and there where I felt things could have been paced better, but that's more of a personal qualm than any real critique.
52/52
Cats Murder Mice
Yes, yes they do. Now Adele is a character I have some begrudging experience with, but at least she's not totally unfamiliar to me! This one was a bit less vibrant when compared to the last chapter. The persona of Adele continues to elude me despite her various bouts of introspection and interaction with Midnight, the cat. I'm still not sure what to make of her. Maybe I haven't read enough of her, but the notion that one can convey a character's baser drives and persona in a single piece, in every piece is one that I believe to be crucial to advancing as a creative writer. Characters have themes and motives that come through in each and every action. I could see them clearly with Robin and Konora, but not so much with Adele. I won't judge based on this piece alone. Maybe you were off your game. But I think it's really worth looking at Adele and asking yourself who she is and what she stands for beyond just being 'that cat-girl'. As a final aside, Shinigami kill hollows to protect living souls and maintain balance, not just because they're "in the way" =P
42/49
About That...
See Bish's grade below!
Fate
Making Opportunities*
Oop, typo in the title. Not a solid start, but will he stick the landing? Kind of. I think I've read more academy chapters than anyone else in the RP. Almost every new Shinigami will invariably have one, without fail. Still, some stand above the rest. It's easy to take an old concept and follow it verbatim, but it's difficult to take that same tired idea and breath new life into it. Unfortunately this one sticks to the formula, but its a start. The 'underdog' has been done to death, but it could have been worse. At least Sarah didn't end up being one of the "I'm great at everything but particularly amazing at Kidou/Zanjutsu/Fabergé egg painting" crew. And that to me shows potential for real character development. She's not perfect. She's far from it, actually. And it means that you have to build her up that much more through your stories. This is a good thing. If there was one piece of advice I could give you based on this chapter alone it would be this; don't be afraid to break the mold. This chapter was formulaic and safe. Fine for points but not fun to read by any stretch of the imagination. Don't shy away from taking a different approach to things, or doing something wacky and new, because the real gems in our RP come from those sorts of shenanigans. Find a niche, make it your own, do something different. That's what I want to see. And you've laid some decent ground work here. Where you go now is up to you.
Mechanically, I notice that you have a tendency to run sentences on a little too long, and to write in big, dense blocks. It's hard on the eyes, and tough to make sense of. Try to be mindful of that going forward. Otherwise, I think you're off to a fine start =)
PS; spell check everything, even your titles! ;3
90/95
Bish
Fly Away
Satoru engaging in some juicy gossip I see. And there it is, the ship-jump. Honestly, I don't really have anything to say about this one. It was a good collab, you and Nella pulled off the dialogue in a good way, and in the end it actually served to illustrate the conflicted feelings within Satoru about departure from the Mystics, as well as the strong convictions that lead him to do so in the first place. Overall, it was a good show from both you and Nella. Full points.
68/68
About That...
This one was decent too, but not without issue. I liked how it started, and how the pair of you had your back and fourth dialogue that really conveyed some emotion and depth to the characters; some history left unresolved that weighed on them. It came across, and it was good.
And then it was gone just as fast. Conflict resolved.
This bothers me. The buildup was nice and the emotions were there. Why do that only to have it sort itself out in the next sentence. Strife builds character! I would have liked to see some actual, lifelike responses from the pair after what transpired. I want to see these feelings of betrayal and guilt come to a head instead of just simmering quietly before being swept away. It could have been a pivitol point for the both of you to really grow and expand your characters emotionally, and give you plenty to write about going into the future. But instead it's just wasted potential.
I digress.
The next half was decidedly formulaic. Zan spirit chatter and a manifestation to hint at a coming Bankai (which I could have sworn you had already). It wasn't bad, it just didn't really moisten my loins at all. It comes back to my comments for Fate. It was safe. I don't like safe. I want to see people do things differently when the need to write something seemingly formulaic arrives. Shift some paradigms, revolutionize outside of the box! That aside, it was fine from a writing standpoint; a few errors here and there but nothing particularly glaring. The only sticking point for me is the manifestation of the spirits. I was under the impression that zan spirits weren't capable of manifesting so willingly, and certainly not interacting with anyone other than their owners. But I'm not an expert, so I'll let that slide for now.
90/96 for both you and Dys.
