Grading Session for Week 333

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K3

The Angry One
Staff member
Jun 29, 2008
3,426
8
38
25
The Great Pond in the Sky
Latens
0✦
Exa
⏆5,910
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium
0⌯
Bigatium
0⍨
Auritium
0⍫
Vitatium
0⌭
Caelitium
0⌬
Group 5 -> Group 4 -> Group 3 -> Group 1 -> Group 2 -> Group 5

Group 1 (Will): 1st/5th/9th Divisions
Group 2 (Rob): 2nd/3rd/6th/11th Divisions
Group 3 (Drag): 7th/10th/12th Divisions
Group 4 (Hiren): 4th/8th/13th Divisions
Group 5 (Bunz): AHs/Vizards/Quincies

Grades are due by 11:59 PM EST on Tuesday, 17 June 2014



Note the updated Grading Rules here.




 

Nargles

Hollywood Meets Bollywood
Staff member
Supporter
Jan 25, 2008
3,349
17
38
Latens
0✦
Exa
⏆5,276
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium
0⌯
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0⍨
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0⍫
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Gloam
The Vampire Returns [55/55]

And leaves again ;o;. But anyway, good chapter man. It's not quite PM material so I can't really give you bonus on it but good job on it otherwise. I see this is a precursor to your kai change which is a fun arc to start. Unfortunatly, I won't be able to read more about it for a while haha. That being said, I really don't have much to dock on this one, it was well written and sets the stage for a follow up chapter. I wish you the best on your job corps endeavors and we'll totally be here when you come back!

Minja
Shaving Dream [50/88]

This also isn't that really PM worth. PMs really haven't started fully yet outside of the AH stuff, and the previous stuff is contained in their own threads as PMs. There's also very little that was PM material in this chapter so no bonus points. Also, please proofread your work. This was a horrendous monstrosity of typos, formatting mistakes, colors and grammatical errors. I thought you had, for the most part, moved past these types of mistakes. I can tell that you literally didn't read this again after posting because of how sloppy it looks and reads. I'm really confused why you switched into first person, there wasn't really a big improvement in style because you swapped to first person. Once again, the main reason this chapter was difficult to read was because of the lack of proofreading. The tone jumped from place to place and the introspection seemed very dry. I know your work can get better Minj, this was just a step back.
 

Several Zombies

Zombie Overlord
Staff member
Apr 18, 2009
1,381
5
38
28
www.postterminus.com
Latens
3,598✦
Exa
⏆1,617
Bounty
⏈0
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0⌯
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0⍨
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0⍫
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0⌭
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Rob:
Prisoner

Out of context, this chapter and the plot it takes place in totally elude me. Lina's a gravedigger who was taken captive by this...monster? Mikhael seems very monstrous so lets go with that. I didn't get the impression he was human, shinigami or even hollow. I digress. So Lina is locked up by this creature for an ambiguous reason, and he's seemingly torturing her in a variety of ways. Happyfuntimes all around. That's the extent of the plot that I could dredge up based on the limited look I've taken. I'm sure it would make more sense to me if I had read whatever previous works lead up to these events.

That being said, my statement of confusion regarding the nature of Mikhael is a bit more nuanced than "I didn't read the previous stuff". Nothing about this chapter seems to take anything from the Halcyon Days universe at all. I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out who or what Lina and Mikhael might be, and I can't. It doesn't seem connected to the established world at all, unless your personal plot has really become that far removed from the core story aspects of Halcyon Days. Is this a bad thing? No, not at all. More than likely I don't see the connection due to my own ignorance and lack of context. It's a jarring experience to be dropped into the middle of a plot you know nothing about.

With that out of the way, I found the chapter to be pretty engaging. There's a lot I didn't know, but this little glimpse made me want to find out more, and to know the facts about these players and this situation. That's a good thing, especially for such a short piece. Mechanically I didn't notice any glaring mistakes, though, having graded you a few times before, I wasn't expecting any. All in all, it was a decent chapter that was well written enough that it made me want to go back and read the previous stuff just to get the context. Kudos for that, and full points.

53/53
 

OssumBunz

Rabbit of Caerbannog
Nov 30, 2013
285
1
0
28
Caerbannog, duh
Latens
2,239✦
Exa
⏆715
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium
0⌯
Bigatium
0⍨
Auritium
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Ketch: 98/98
“Friends, Enemies, & Wolves”

Very cool to see you writing again, Ketch, onto the work now. I didn’t find too many problems with this chapter, if any. I really like how each character has a different way of speaking, it gave the feeling that an actual conversation was going on in this chapter. You have a real way of telling stories.

I look forward to seeing more on this storyline and character.


Alan: 116/116
“Crusher/Destroyer”

I just had to go back and read this because it had been a week u.u Okay so I might be wrong here (he is your character after all) but I felt that Masato was out of character a bit when he practically jumped out of his chair, but maybe not. He does have a temper, but I always picture him quieter. Don’t over think it, because I’m probably wrong haha

I think you said this chapter was rushed but it really didn’t feel that way, hell I wish my rushed pieces looked this good haha. Well, keep it up!
 

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