Grading Session for Week 43

[Redfin]

Please note the changes to the grading groups. Castus is, for now, housing all inactive members. When members become active, they will be assigned to a group as appropriate, but should post as [Ca] until they are assigned.

The grading groups and their graders are currently as follows:

[Ca] Castus - Inactive Members

Spoiler: Castus List

Bish
Bob
Bunz
Cheese
Dil
Freckles
Kaze
Lambo
Nella
Puppet
Sev
Tetsu
Thana
Zerieth

[Oc] Occultus - Finny

Moon
Shade
Sparx
Thread​

[Be] Bellator - Will

Berri
Dys
Rob
Shrub​

[Se] Serpens - Hiren

Doc
Minj
Loko​

[Aq] Aquila - Raph

Resh
Val
Vin
Hare​

The Rotation for the month of June 2015 is:

[Oc] -> [Se] -> [Be] -> [Aq] -> [Oc]​

Please post your thread titles beginning with your grading group, then the week number, like follows:

[Ca] Week 01: Title Should Be Here​

Grades are due by 11:59 PM EST on Tuesday, 06/09/15.

 

[Redfin]

Pls, Shade, pls.

Moon
Bargains: 150

The lead should be led.

Also, in certain instants of dialogue when you put the X said in the middle, it should be split up into two sentences. For example:

The blue-scaled velen thought for a moment and then replied, “I can see why this would be so. I am surprised that your negotiations were not reported to my man at TorBru but I suppose he would be of too low a pay grade to hear about such things,” she added, “My agent who overheard your later conversation reports plans of some kind of double cross. What can you tell me about that?”

It should be split up at She added... The reason is because the previous spoken dialogue ends on a full sentence, and thus it ends a sentence. She added... would start a new sentence.

Also, the game is afoot. I am 76.2953% certain that you have said that exact phrase 5 or so chapters ago. The game should be afeeted by now!

 

[Dysney]

Dys grades! This is the first time I've actually taken over grading since the start of PT *wipes a metaphorical tear of sentiment* and it appears nobody in Be wrote! For shame, really. It's fine though, since there was a [Ca] chapter this week. In other words, Ketch, I got you.

Ketch

First and foremost, I am giving you 150 faction bonus because you wrote; otherwise my first time getting to grade would have been not grading anything and then I would have cried (figuratively, of course. Gushing rivers of anime tears.) so for that I thank you. This also doubles as a welcome to PT present because it's nice to see you've posted your first chapter. At least, I'm pretty sure it's your first, I vaguely remember reading this on your PT application. If I'm wrong, you may still have your bonus.

Dark Was the Night
With that rambling out of the way, I'll comment on your chapter. First things first, I liked the pacing of the chapter and the attention to detail in describing the scene. I would have liked a clearer description of the characters when you introduced them to help make a better mental picture of what they looked like. You did, however, do a nice job of giving them distinct personalities by varying their speech patterns and mannerisms. It was rather interesting when Tycho was "biting his teeth", I wonder if you meant gritting or grinding. I do appreciate the momentary lapse in Tycho's impassive front when something caught him off guard and the fact that he had to try and control his reactions to things happening around him instead of just not caring or effortlessly hiding his feelings. I do wonder what Oriana did to be regularly chased by lynch mobs, though, so I encourage you to write more!

Dark Was the Night -- 100/110