Reviewed [Haud Ignota Loquor] [Pc] Week 199: Tempora Mutantur - Feedback

swaswj

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Feb 18, 2008
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#2
Sorry this took so long. It's been something of a busy week for me, still getting caught up after the wedding trip.

First a request: please post wordcount near the top. I'm often working in my reading in-between other things, so I like to have a good estimate of how much time I need. 1000 words? Twenty minutes should be enough for a read-through and some commentary. 3000 words? A little longer, half an hour to forty-five minutes. Writing commentary can be the long part, and when you're giving feedback, you never want to speed-read. If you post the wordcount near the top, it saves me (and other readers) a step. Think of it like the thickness of a book. A little paperback you can fit in your pocket? That's reading for breaks and waiting rooms. A three-inch thick hardback? That's your week's nightly "just one more chapter and I'll sleep, really this time" fare.

Now to dig into Inillis and his frustration with the interview. First thought is that I did enjoy his consternation with questions clearly worded around flesh-and-blood sorts, but I think it would have been good for you to either reword the questions to fit or have Inillis treat more of the questions as if they were reworded. After all, the HIL prompt is there as a tool to help you nail down your character's persona, create or reveal details about them -- such as the hints at a prior love. It makes for good humor for Inillis to argue about most of the questions, and to a degree, that is his character, but you might have gained more from it by adjusting the questionnaire a little bit.

As a small example, I would consider the 'childhood' of a demvir to be their earliest years after awaking, where they're learning how the world works and deciding where they fit into it. If I remember correctly, Inillis served under another enchanter for some time before breaking out on his own and settling on his crusade.

That only really applies to the earlier parts of the interview, though. Toward the latter half, the questions and answers get much more in-depth. Digging up his past, seeing his views on whether he's being cruel or kind, it does a fantastic job of painting Inillis as someone who is both selfless and self-obsessed. Everything he does, he convinces himself is for the greater good, and yet he holds himself above others because of the loftiness of his goal.

I particularly love the response to the question on heaven and paradise. The idea that there is value in struggle and purpose, not just the reward, is an excellent direction for that question.

Good read, good look at Inillis. I'm hoping that writing this gave you some fire and direction to continue your arc.
 
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