Reviewed [Oc/Ac] Week 191 - Operation Alien Disrupt: Stage 1! - Feedback

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swaswj

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#2
I have to admit, I became a little lost while reading this. Part of it may have been the vague ways each group was referred to: "the laicar," "the miner," "the velen," "the soldier," "the sniper" (who is not a solder). When the soldier was shot, I initially thought it was Craxtus' crew that shot one of the miners. When the velen became active, I wasn't clear about whose side he was on -- he pops up out of nowhere and then is referred to as 'the' velen as though we've seen him before. There's prior mention of velen mercenaries, but it doesn't feel clearly connected.

I don't believe a single character was described in this collab, nor do we get any details on the surroundings through most of the collab until the end. Even with established characters, you should give a brief description, and your reader should get at least a rough idea of where your characters are. Reading through this, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out where everyone was, in my head, and constantly rearranging things to fit new details. It made it very difficult to appreciate the plot details being shown.
 

Current Writing Week is 193

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