Reviewed [Pc] Week 197: The Fracture: Depth or Connection - Feedback

Redfin

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Staff member
Mar 18, 2007
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Over there
#2
This was a pretty interesting chapter. The meditation part was fantastical and intriguing. It really pulled me into the feeling of it all.

There are quite a lot of errors in the chapter, though. I noticed a missing quotation mark. Some sentences have missing words or wrong words. And there were sometimes when you used present tense. It messed with the flow of the chapter you had going.

I'll put some of the examples here:
Omen woke several years before Vita discovered by a traveling group of Demvir where he became self aware in the safety of others able to follow his own path without the objection or influence of biologicals.
The sentence is missing a connector of sorts. It should be more like: Omen woke several years before Vita and was discovered by a traveling group of Demvir where he became self aware in the safety of others able to follow his own path without the objection or influence of biologicals.

This session he was consumers with what he felt while he touched the symbol on the attached letter earlier in the day.
I think the consumers should be consumed.

Lots of mistakes in the chapter mess with the flow, but the content was good and engaging. The meditation part really brought it all together, and I liked the little mystery at the end.
 

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