Reviewed [Sample Chapter] Week 216: Untold stories: The first chapter - Feedback

swaswj

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Feb 18, 2008
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#2
Since I actually gave feedback during your application, I wanted you to hear from someone else, as well. More perspectives always give you a more complete view. I don't want to leave this without any commentary, though, so here's a brief second look.

Yasuke's demeanor is both irritating and exciting, because he's the type of person I would hate to hang out with but also the type of person who invites conflict. Conflict makes for fun reading. He's petulant but stoic, as I've said before, and also rather cocky.

As someone who writes a blacksmith character, I loved seeing his reaction being grounded not in his own size or the skill of his attacker, but in the lack of threat from the weapon itself. It reminds me of someone recognizing that an armed robber is carrying a replica handgun, rather than a live weapon.

I know things have been quiet for a little bit, but I'm looking forward to seeing more from you (and writing with you in the future).
 

Writing Week is 222

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