SHikai Relase: Hikaru: Repost for comments and revision.

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Mystydjinn

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The shikai release, so majestic, so beautiful, so- screw it. Hey Minja here looking for critiquing. Give helpful insight if you have time, but please just give suggestions to make it better, try not to throw it in my face too badly, cuz I know it needs work; not to mention that I still don't have any idea what to do for my third slot.

Name:Getsumei (Moonlight)
Release Command: Kokoro wa muda ni naru yōna hidoi monodesu. (A mind is such a terrible thing to waste).

Manifestation: A female looking in about her to her early thirties. She has long violet colored hair, bangs framing her face, and piercing ghostly white eyes . She has a fair complexion vanilla, making her to look of Latina descent. The clothes she wears change based on her moods but usually wears a long black dress, hemmed in purple, that trails along behind her. It is of Victorian styling, and cuts off at her shoulders with blood red ruffles, and continues down her arms as gloves. She resides in a silent void with a watery reflective surface for a floor, floating white ghost fire, and and full moon.

Release Form: Getsumei's ebony blade changes and elongates into a dark, and cruelly curved scythe, with an short diamond axe blade juts out on the other side of the scythe. The long handle riddled with cracks, and the kanji symbol for nightmare queen inscribed over and over again in the carved scarlet handle. At the end of it there is a small dagger like blade, that constantly glows with a ghostly white and green flame.

The metal retains the shadowy black color, and Hikaru himself dons a body length black cape and hood, edged with faded silver around the hem and sleeves. His entire face becomes shrouded in a deep shadow which is unenforceable by the eye, except those who he's become close too.

Ability: Nightmare

Hikaru is able to enter into the mind of his opponent, and sort through their thoughts. He creates illusions based on their fears, shortcomings, and pain inside their minds. For 5% of his reiatsu he is able to summon the most prominent or recent one into the physical world, causing shock and fear their hearts, as well as pain since whatever fear he summons takes on a physical form that can hurt the victim physically (However if this fear is not something that can physically hurt them, and is emotional then it represents itself as flames and burns). When the ability succeeds he can add 20 points to his fear pool

Breakdown: It requires 5% of Hikaru's reiatsu to enter the mind of his opponent to begin, calling said fear of the opponent into a physical form depends on a successful roll. The fear if manifested stays for three turns, its actions are controlled by Hikaru's mind, and after that time period it disperses in hungry green flames; however it's stay can be prolonged through a high, and constant flow of reiatsu (that means 30rei for the first extension, 40 for a second extension, 50 for the third etc, [every extension is 2 extra turns]). Each time this ability succeeds Hikaru gains 20pts to his 'fear' pool, which has a capacity equal to half his reiatsu, which represents itself as green wisps of smokeless flames in the air.

Ability: Lucid Dreaming

Hikaru takes Earth law mastery one step further, and gains the ability to take massive control over his environment by creating constructs out of random objects or illusions; or simply change the shape (length, size, properties of anything in his possession, limited to his Zanpakutou and body. Stretches of this type are limited to 50 meters total for length and, 30 for width and volume). These objects can be any shape or size and require 60 reiatsu per turn to maintain and control. If he runs out of rei or stops using the ability, then his constructs implode and burst into fireworks. These constructs move according to his will, and are solid objects.

Breakdown: 60 reiatsu per turn to activate, and 30 per turn to maintain. When the ability ends or Hikaru willingly destroys a construct or illusion it explodes in a flash of white light, sparks, and green flames(Yes these flames cause damage). The illusions are not physical and burst into flames when destroyed.
 

FogOverLondon

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Hey Min,

I'm Lambo, long time member and kind of a student of the "school of hard knocks" of kai. I'm not really qualified to tell you for sure if staff will like your kai but I can certainly help you clean it up based on what I know. Keep in mind all I'm giving you is advice, if you are particularly attached to one thing or another, no need to take offense to any suggestion I make :)

For sections Name/Command/Form/Manifestation, I was always told you want to keep it thematically sound. For the most part you've accomplished this, you've got the death/horror/nightmare, etc thing going on. If I'm being especially specific to parts of these sections, you could always relate the name to something more mental. You've got "Moonlight", which I take as something related to dreams/nightmares so it's fine but just something to think about. You could always look up a translator and have "dream eater" or something. Again, just thoughts/suggestions :)

The form is cool, I had a scythe kai once. The only thing is usually physical changes to the wielder are in Bankai, although if you like it, keep it and let staff tell you for sure what they think about a simple cloak/hood/cowel and ghost-face. I mean, it's not like it's doing anything except playing to your theme and making you look badass.

You have your ability, seen below,

Ability: Nightmare

Hikaru is able to enter into the mind of his opponent, and sort through their thoughts. He creates illusions based on their fears, shortcomings, and pain inside their minds. For 5% of his reiatsu he is able to summon the most prominent or recent one into the physical world, causing shock and fear their hearts, as well as pain since whatever fear he summons takes on a physical form that can hurt the victim physically (However if this fear is not something that can physically hurt them, and is emotional then it represents itself as flames and burns). When the ability succeeds he can add 20 points to his fear pool

Breakdown: It requires 5% of Hikaru's reiatsu to enter the mind of his opponent to begin, calling said fear of the opponent into a physical form depends on a successful roll. The fear if manifested stays for three turns, its actions are controlled by Hikaru's mind, and after that time period it disperses in hungry green flames; however it's stay can be prolonged through a high, and constant flow of reiatsu (that means 30rei for the first extension, 40 for a second extension, 50 for the third etc, [every extension is 2 extra turns]). Each time this ability succeeds Hikaru gains 20pts to his 'fear' pool, which has a capacity equal to half his reiatsu, which represents itself as green wisps of smokeless flames in the air.

Ability: Lucid Dreaming

Hikaru takes Earth law mastery one step further, and gains the ability to take massive control over his environment by creating constructs out of random objects or illusions; or simply change the shape (length, size, properties of anything in his possession, limited to his Zanpakutou and body. Stretches of this type are limited to 50 meters total for length and, 30 for width and volume). These objects can be any shape or size and require 60 reiatsu per turn to maintain and control. If he runs out of rei or stops using the ability, then his constructs implode and burst into fireworks. These constructs move according to his will, and are solid objects.

Breakdown: 60 reiatsu per turn to activate, and 30 per turn to maintain. When the ability ends or Hikaru willingly destroys a construct or illusion it explodes in a flash of white light, sparks, and green flames(Yes these flames cause damage). The illusions are not physical and burst into flames when destroyed.
For Nightmare, if I've read it correctly, you've basically got a summon. What you've described though is a summon, and all these mechanics that tax you, the summoner and sets all these rules about how you're going to anchor the summon into the corporeal world from the mind of the person you're mind-f*cking. When really, you could just do something like this:

"While unable to fully read the thoughts of another person, while in Shikai, Hikaru is able to pull fears and painful memories from his opponent's mind into the real world. Passively, Hikaru can entrap the target within a painful memory for 3 turns, or actively, he can summon a physical manifestation of their fears, imagination and pain to attack them. Both the passive and active states of Hikaru's Nightmare ability cost him 10% of his reiatsu."

This way, you have an ability that isn't complicated to calculate with that Fear Pool you had created just to have it stay in the world. You aren't calling any shots, not that you were completely but you were basically bypassing your opponent's ability to banish your ability by just feeding it more reiatsu for every turn you wanted it still to stay and then the summon didn't seem like something I could really fight, since you were just reaching into my head and I'm not really getting hurt, just burned a little or whatever. So, while I'm not taking much damage, I think the way you've worded it assumes that it's both an illusion and a physical manifestation of the fear, which is like cake/eating it too.

Illusions are particularly tricky in HD because written poorly, which is going to almost always be the case no matter who is doing it, it's an invincible ability. Except as the writer of said ability, you're probably assuming everyone is reasonable enough to assume that we all know you didn't mean that...see what I'm saying? You and I have effectively created the same thing, one with just less dynamics than the other.

The way I have it written, and feel free to plagerize it if you like, it follows basic summon rules where, if you bring something into this world, it's only as strong as what you've put into it. There's no complicated mechanics to follow for you (or your opponent), and you have an active and passive interpretation of the ability. It's short, concise and doesnt' require a lot of explanation on your part to tell people how it works. The only thing I might be missing would be a build for your summon, which would need to be the same every time no matter what you're summoning, seeing as stat-shifting is an entire ability unto itself.

I'd honestly get rid of the lucid dreaming ability altogether. While you've managed to work it into your theme, it's an unnecessary tacked on ability and you would be better served strengthening your primary ability. I haven't reviewed the list since rejoining but I'm sure there's a shape changing kidou or ability you can use instead to change the shape of stuff into basic items resembling other stuff. Or you can do what a lot of people do when they want a weaker (yet still semi-strong or useful) ability added to their kai and fill those abilities in through feat slots.
 

Mystydjinn

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The shikai release, so majestic, so beautiful, so- screw it. Hey Minja here looking for critiquing. Give helpful insight if you have time, but please just give suggestions to make it better, try not to throw it in my face too badly, cuz I know it needs work; not to mention that I still don't have any idea what to do for my third slot.

Name:Getsumei (Moonlight)
Release Command: Kokoro wa muda ni naru yōna hidoi monodesu. (A mind is such a terrible thing to waste).

Manifestation: A female looking in about her to her early thirties. She has long violet colored hair, bangs framing her face, and piercing ghostly white eyes . She has a fair complexion vanilla, making her to look of Latina descent. The clothes she wears change based on her moods but usually wears a long black dress, hemmed in purple, that trails along behind her. It is of Victorian styling, and cuts off at her shoulders with blood red ruffles, and continues down her arms as gloves. She resides in a silent void with a watery reflective surface for a floor, floating white ghost fire, and and full moon.

Release Form: Getsumei's ebony blade changes and elongates into a dark, and cruelly curved scythe, with an short diamond axe blade juts out on the other side of the scythe. The long handle riddled with cracks, and the kanji symbol for nightmare queen inscribed over and over again in the carved scarlet handle. At the end of it there is a small dagger like blade, that constantly glows with a ghostly white and green flame.

The metal retains the shadowy black color, and Hikaru himself dons a body length black cape and hood, edged with faded silver around the hem and sleeves. His entire face becomes shrouded in a deep shadow which is unenforceable by the eye, except those who he's become close too.

Ability: Nightmare

Hikaru's scythe takes on the form of a flaming staff, with a thin and sinister looking crescent moon shaped blade on one one end, and a roaring green flame on the other. Then is able to enter into the mind of his opponent, and ripping through their mind, he creates illusions, and physical embodiments of their fears, shortcomings, and pain inside their minds.

Breakdown: Passively, Hikaru can entrap the target within a painful memory for 3 turns, or actively, he can summon a physical manifestation of their fears, imagination and pain to attack them. Both the passive and active states of Hikaru's Nightmare ability cost him 10% of his reiatsu. Each time this ability succeeds Hikaru gains 20pts to his 'fear' pool, which has a capacity equal to half his reiatsu, which represents itself as green wisps of smokeless flames in the air.



Ability: Lucid Dreaming

Hikaru takes Earth law mastery one step further, and gains the ability to take massive control over his environment by creating constructs out of random objects or illusions; or simply change the shape (length, size, properties of anything in his possession, limited to his Zanpakutou and body. Stretches of this type are limited to 50 meters total for length and, 30 for width and volume). These objects can be any shape or size and require 60 reiatsu per turn to maintain and control. If he runs out of rei or stops using the ability, then his constructs implode and burst into fireworks. These constructs move according to his will, and are solid objects.

Breakdown: 60 reiatsu per turn to activate, and 30 per turn to maintain. When the ability ends or Hikaru willingly destroys a construct or illusion it explodes in a flash of white light, sparks, and green flames(Yes these flames cause damage). The illusions are not physical and burst into flames when destroyed.
 
L

littlepriests

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<div class="bbWrapper">Yo Minja,<br /> I'm on a train right now, but i really wanted to give my two cents on this since i like the idea a lot and have confronted the practical aspects a few times...<br /> <br /> Down to business then:<br /> <br /> <u>Nightmare</u>: i guess you followed Lambo's hint, but i fail to understand the fear pool thing... unless i'm missing something, that is of no use atm... are you just gaining back a bit of your reiatsu? How do you understand if the ability works for the pool to increase? You just paid 10% of your rei, what would 20 pts (rei?) be worth? All in all, I doubt you'll be able to make a three ability kai...<br /> <br /> Takeaway: interesting and flexible, prone to be dependant on your opponent's willingness and writing intentions... the presence of both a passive and active sub abilities makes this bigger than 1/3 of a kai...<br /> <br /> Lucid dreaming: i did not get much of it in terms of number... i can thibk of a ver y simple way to make something similar...<br /> <br /> By paying 100 rei per cubic feet maxing at 5 cubic feet, hikaru can summons into this world the very essence of nightmares, and mold it with his will. Bla bla bla<br /> <br /> Keep in mind that whatever effect you attach to such constructs, is valued at the amount paied in, which may be easily destroied at higher level.<br /> <br /> Moreover, this by itself could be a single ability kai in my opinion.<br /> <br /> Next time I'm around we can talk more if you want!<br /> enjoy</div>
 

Mystydjinn

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The shikai release, so majestic, so beautiful, so- screw it. Hey Minja here looking for critiquing. Give helpful insight if you have time, but please just give suggestions to make it better, try not to throw it in my face too badly, cuz I know it needs work; not to mention that I still don't have any idea what to do for my third slot.

Name:Getsumei (Moonlight)
Release Command: Kokoro wa muda ni naru yōna hidoi monodesu. (A mind is such a terrible thing to waste).

Manifestation: A female looking in about her to her early thirties. She has long violet colored hair, bangs framing her face, and piercing ghostly white eyes . She has a fair complexion vanilla, making her to look of Latina descent. The clothes she wears change based on her moods but usually wears a long black dress, hemmed in purple, that trails along behind her. It is of Victorian styling, and cuts off at her shoulders with blood red ruffles, and continues down her arms as gloves. She resides in a silent void with a watery reflective surface for a floor, floating white ghost fire, and and full moon.

Release Form: Getsumei's ebony blade changes and elongates into a dark, and cruelly curved scythe, with an short diamond axe blade juts out on the other side of the scythe. The long handle riddled with cracks, and the kanji symbol for nightmare queen inscribed over and over again in the carved scarlet handle. At the end of it there is a small dagger like blade, that constantly glows with a ghostly white and green flame.

The metal retains the shadowy black color, and Hikaru himself dons a body length black cape and hood, edged with faded silver around the hem and sleeves. His entire face becomes shrouded in a deep shadow which is unenforceable by the eye, except those who he's become close too.

Ability: Nightmare

Hikaru's scythe takes on the form of a flaming staff, with a thin and sinister looking crescent moon shaped blade on one one end, and a roaring green flame on the other. Then is able to enter into the mind of his opponent, and ripping through their mind, he creates illusions, and physical embodiments of their fears, shortcomings, and pain inside their minds.

Breakdown: Passively, Hikaru can entrap the target within a painful memory for 3 turns, or actively, he can summon a physical manifestation of their fears, imagination and pain to attack them. Both the passive and active states of Hikaru's Nightmare ability cost him 7% of his reiatsu. Each time this ability succeeds Hikaru gains 150pts to his 'fear' pool, which has a capacity equal to half his reiatsu, that represents itself as green wisps of smokeless flames around him.

(note: each time this ability is activated, the memory or fear is different, and worse than the last.)



Ability: I can only hurt you if you let me.

Hikaru's blade takes on the shape of a long trident, with a single spear on one end, and a crescent blade on the other end; inside that crescent a white flame burns brightly from the center between them. This flame burns brightly using nightmares as fuel; lending its power to the wilder.

Breakdown: This is where the fear pool comes into effect; with the energy generated from his fear pool he can channel energy into sword strikes and kidou. This manifests as spending fear points in addition to rei for techniques, kidou, or sword strike[only up to 5% of the technique]. (Extra techniques, [Zan, hohou, or kidou. Hakuda is excluded]) When this ability is used it A: adds extra power to the attack so it causes more damage(a Zan/Kidou technique or simple attack might split a rock/wall/crack shields, a hohou adds extra power to the ability, faster movement, etc.,), and B: it simply looks cool because it leaves a greenish black, flaming trail behind him as he/the kidou moves.

Ability: Its only a dream.

Hikaru is able to make his body translucent, and intangible for short periods of time. This allows him to phase through all physical structures, or even a rei based attack.

Breakdown: Passively: (phasing through structures, physical objects, (walls, buildings, etc,.) not including rei based structures [shields]) Hikaru pays 70 reiatsu to do so, since this is a simple task.
(notes: phasing through Zanpakutou or other souls can only be done once per turn, per 500pts in his kidou stat. [1000= twice per turn, 2000= four per turn, and so on)

Actively: Phasing through rei based objects(shields) or attacks, requires more energy. To do this he must pay 50pts out of his fear pool, plus 10% of the attack or techniques kidou cost.
 

FogOverLondon

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I'm gonna let someone else take a shot at this if they want but this really does seem more like a Bankai-lite. No offense intended, if I can find it, I'll show you what I submitted to Moot/Louhi when I first started and you'll see what I'm talking about. My only real advice at this point would be, submit to staff and see if they can give you a little more specific instruction as to what is acceptable or not about these abilities/attacks, unless someone else wants to give it a stab.
 

K3

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GOOOOOOOOOD MORNING VIETNAM.

So, I'm the resident Item Staff, but I like to think I have a firm enough grasp on the RPs mechanics to give this a whirl. Keep in mind, everything I say is to be taken as critique and suggestion, not as law. Let's get started, shall we?

Release Form: Getsumei's ebony blade changes and elongates into a dark, and cruelly curved scythe, with an short diamond axe blade juts out on the other side of the scythe. The long handle riddled with cracks, and the kanji symbol for nightmare queen inscribed over and over again in the carved scarlet handle. At the end of it there is a small dagger like blade, that constantly glows with a ghostly white and green flame.

The metal retains the shadowy black color, and Hikaru himself dons a body length black cape and hood, edged with faded silver around the hem and sleeves. His entire face becomes shrouded in a deep shadow which is unenforceable by the eye, except those who he's become close too.
So, here's a bit of a breakdown for a solid line on forms. Shikai, the Initial Release, typically is restricted to affecting the weapon itself. You've got some tidying up to do on the grammar, but the weapon itself is nice. I would recommend withholding your character's little sentai transformation. Altering your character's own look is often the domain of Bankai, the Final Release, which is meant to show the full extent of the zanpakuto's powers affecting the world around them.

Ability: Nightmare

Hikaru's scythe takes on the form of a flaming staff, with a thin and sinister looking crescent moon shaped blade on one one end, and a roaring green flame on the other. Then is able to enter into the mind of his opponent, and ripping through their mind, he creates illusions, and physical embodiments of their fears, shortcomings, and pain inside their minds.

Breakdown: Passively, Hikaru can entrap the target within a painful memory for 3 turns, or actively, he can summon a physical manifestation of their fears, imagination and pain to attack them. Both the passive and active states of Hikaru's Nightmare ability cost him 7% of his reiatsu. Each time this ability succeeds Hikaru gains 150pts to his 'fear' pool, which has a capacity equal to half his reiatsu, that represents itself as green wisps of smokeless flames around him.

(note: each time this ability is activated, the memory or fear is different, and worse than the last.)
This is a nifty little idea, but it needs some serious refining. Let's start with a breakdown of what's actually happening here, and then how those mechanics can fit into the existing structure of Halcyon Days.

So, upon use your zanpakuto adopts a new form, that's part of the ability itself. I don't know if Breakdown is an ability name, or you breaking down what it does, but it's unnecessary. Just integrate it all into one thing, we'll figure it out and ask you if we're unsure.

Passively being able to choose to do something is a contradiction. Passive abilities, by nature, do not have an activation. They simply exist, their effects persistent at all times. So we have you passively entrapping an opponent within a memory for three rounds. When you say entrap, it's going to be taken as a binding. Let's take a quick look at how bindings work, shall we?

Duration:

If not otherwise specified, durations will be the following:
Barriers: Lose 1/4 max strength each round.
Bindings: Lose 1/4 max strength each round.
Debuffs: 2 rounds
Buffs: 3 rounds

Shikai (other): 3 rounds
Bankai (other): 4 rounds
Feat (other): 3 rounds
Kidou (other): 2 rounds

Bindings automatically lose 25% of their strength every round, so the three rounds bit is more or less unnecessary because the nature of the ability would have it last four rounds by default, unless broken. So, before we get any further, let's say this is a single ability. It does one thing, is self-contained, and doesn't stretch beyond the limits of its own capabilities.

You see, the second half of this ability, the conjuring, should be its own ability. Having a binding/illusion, and then a construct creation (as you state it's a physical being which can harm your target) isn't a single ability, it's two.

So let's split these into two bits below:

Ability: Waking Nightmare
By paying 7% of his reiatsu, Hikaru taps into the sub-conscious of the opponent to entrap them in a negative memory. This reduces them to a state of hysterics, and is treated both as a mental attack and a binding. Upon use, his scythe warps into the shape of a flaming staff, with a thin and sinister looking crescent moon shaped blade on one one end, and a roaring green flame on the other.

Ability: Living Nightmare
By paying an additional 7% of his reiatsu while Waking Nightmare is active, Hikaru rips the subject of an inflicted negative memory from the target's mind. Giving it physical shape, the resulting construct obtains half of his attacking stat, the remaining output of both abilities contributing to its durability, and the duration of its existence tied to Waking Nightmare's in rounds.

This construct is very real, and targets the one whose mind it was ripped from relentlessly and autonomously.
This is a very potent, very powerful combination of abilities. However, regardless of whether or not these changes are applied to give them more potency, both effects from Nightmare are very much their own. It also lets me get to the issue of what you're calling a 'fear pool'.

Pools work on a basis of using a pre-existing energy. Reiatsu, in this case. Points aren't a solid mechanic to work on because they aren't an expenditure in the RP. I'm going to advise you to not utilize it, because it detracts from the overall potency of the kai, and doesn't fit well with its overarching theme.

Moving onto the second and third abilities, it becomes very clear that you've taken on the trend of enhancing your abilities through the use of extraneous power. Here's the blunt side, Minj: these won't pass. At all. The mechanics are overly complicated, poorly written, and do not hold water.

Let's take a look as to why.

Ability: I can only hurt you if you let me.

Hikaru's blade takes on the shape of a long trident, with a single spear on one end, and a crescent blade on the other end; inside that crescent a white flame burns brightly from the center between them. This flame burns brightly using nightmares as fuel; lending its power to the wilder.

Breakdown: This is where the fear pool comes into effect; with the energy generated from his fear pool he can channel energy into sword strikes and kidou. This manifests as spending fear points in addition to rei for techniques, kidou, or sword strike[only up to 5% of the technique]. (Extra techniques, [Zan, hohou, or kidou. Hakuda is excluded]) When this ability is used it A: adds extra power to the attack so it causes more damage(a Zan/Kidou technique or simple attack might split a rock/wall/crack shields, a hohou adds extra power to the ability, faster movement, etc.,), and B: it simply looks cool because it leaves a greenish black, flaming trail behind him as he/the kidou moves.
I'm going to focus on the way this works, rather than the additional form change. Putting it into less overly bracketed terms, you can pay points (which do not have any additional cost to them) to freely enhance the power of your abilities in ways that are not concretely described. You pay for "up to 5% of the technique" which doesn't actually make sense, and only further convolutes the mechanic.

You actually break this down into multiple brackets, point form lists, and it creates an incomprehensible mess. Again, merely advising, but I'm going to say that if you can't write it in plain, straight-forward terms, it's not worth including.

Finally, we have your phasing ability.

Ability: Its only a dream.

Hikaru is able to make his body translucent, and intangible for short periods of time. This allows him to phase through all physical structures, or even a rei based attack.

Breakdown: Passively: (phasing through structures, physical objects, (walls, buildings, etc,.) not including rei based structures [shields]) Hikaru pays 70 reiatsu to do so, since this is a simple task.
(notes: phasing through Zanpakutou or other souls can only be done once per turn, per 500pts in his kidou stat. [1000= twice per turn, 2000= four per turn, and so on)

Actively: Phasing through rei based objects(shields) or attacks, requires more energy. To do this he must pay 50pts out of his fear pool, plus 10% of the attack or techniques kidou cost.[/QUOTE]

Again, we get into a scenario where you've shoved so many mechanics into one ability that it becomes incomprehensible. You pay fear points which don't have any drawbacks, but only pay 10% of the cost of an ability to completely phase through it? In addition to 70 reiatsu? You realize that means you'd be paying such a low amount for higher level abilities it's completely broken?

Phasing is frowned upon for being an ability that negates the effort of an opposing writer. I won't say that holds any sway in whether you ought to use one, but I will say that the mechanics of this one are broken. You are paying 10% of an ability + 70 reiatsu to phase through said ability. Against a Hiryuugekizokushintenraihou, the strongest lightning kidou in the game, you would be paying 645 reiatsu to freely dodge an ability that is 5750 reiatsu.

That cake don't bake, sir.

The scaling on the ability is further convoluted, and all in all to be in a working state, would require massive nerfs.




Phew, well that was an adventure. I don't meant to come off as harsh on this, but I do want you to realize something that a lot of newbs eventually do: a release can't do everything. It is infinitely better to find one thing you want the release to do really, really well; than to try and get it to do a lot of things at once.

Good luck with the kai, and maybe I'll drop by again if you put up an update!

Cheers,
Raph
 

Mystydjinn

[Insert rimshot]
Jul 29, 2013
1,538
5
38
21
Flint, MI
Latens
13✦
Exa
⏆360
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium
0⌯
Bigatium
0⍨
Auritium
0⍫
Vitatium
0⌭
Caelitium
0⌬
Ability: Waking Nightmare
By paying 12% of his current reiatsu, Hikaru taps into the sub-conscious of the opponent to induce a powerful waking nightmare in them. This reduces them to a state of hysterics, and is treated both as a mental attack and a binding. Upon use, his scythe warps into the shape of a flaming staff, with a thin and sinister looking crescent moon shaped blade on one one end, and a roaring green flame on the other. During this time Hikaru is unable to move on his own will, since to cause the nightmare, Hikaru must enter the target's mind completely so movement is impossible; and can keep the ability active for as long as he remains there, Hikaru is not able to stay outside his body for too long. So he must return after 5 turns.

Attack: Living Nightmare
By paying an additional 150 of his reiatsu while Waking Nightmare is active, Hikaru rips the subject of an inflicted negative memory from the target's mind. Giving it physical shape, the resulting construct obtains half of his attacking stat, the remaining output of both abilities contributing to its durability, and the duration of its existence tied to Waking Nightmare's in rounds.

This construct is very real, and targets the one whose mind it was ripped from in burns and fire type damage.

Ability: Lucid dreaming.

Hikaru is able to pay 230 reiatsu to increase the power of attacks by 8%, (Kidou, sword strikes, punches, etc.,) and strength in general. This 230 reiatsu is added to the initial cost of the kidou, or is a cost added to the regular attack or technique. This makes bakudou last longer, and harder to break free from. And increases a technique/shunpo/general attack/hadou's power and speed. This also leaves a trail of whitish, green smoke in the attacks wake.

How about now? any last comments or ideas before it's sent to kai staff?
 
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