Shuryō juu gata (Hunting Beast)

[Unholy]

Name: Shuryō juu gata (Hunting Beast)

Release Command: Repel and Negate

Manifestation: Shuryō juu gata takes on the form of a large battle scarred lion with piercing green and indigo eyes. The inner world is a vast mountainous region filled with shifting rocks and dangerous precipices. The weather in the region as well as the seasons depends on Dellius’s current mood. Shuryō juu gata has a hunter-like personality, sometimes speaking in way of strategy and in other times urging Dellius to strike without mercy, but regardless of what he’s like he rarely backs down.

Release form: Upon saying the release phrase, the melts away and adheres to Delliu’s arms and feet. He is covered by silver-gold gauntlets. There are no intricate markings on it but there are scars and a tuft of brown fur upon his shoulders. The shoes are the same too taking the exact shape of Dellius’s loafers. It extends all the way up to just below the knee and fur adorns the top of his boots as well.

Yajū no hōkō (Roar of the Beast)
Dellius is capable of shooting a damaging repelling blast from his hands, his feet or his mouth at the cost of 5% of his maximum reiatsu. While this ability normally blasts away physical and nonphysical things( air energy, etc), debris, people)indiscriminately for an extra 3% reiatsu, he can specifically repel the natural senses of a person. The opponent doesn’t feel the effect until after three turns have passed after the initial hit and it lasts only for one turn. The speed is based on hakuda and the range is coned shaped, spreading 20 meters (the strength is cut in half at 10 meters). Note: When specifically targeting something only what is targeted is repelled.

Fukusū hook (Multiple Roaring)
Dellius is capable of doing two roars per cost at a time may they be separate or layered together. However each separate roar is weakened by 50%.

Yajū no sonzai (Presence of the Beast)
Able to span to 15 meter radius, Dellius is capable of negating attacks, and abilities that have less strength than the cost of 10% of his total reiatsu. While the ability to negate is primarily indiscriminate, for an extra 3% of his reiatsu, he is capable of repelling not only natural senses but also the experiences that a body can naturally experience like damage and emotions. The effect is capable of affecting only what or who he wishes it to affect. The duration of negation is for 3 turns.

 

[Nargles]

[video=youtube;CN6ZMsnB_2E]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CN6ZMsnB_2E[/video]​

Alright, first off, let's look at the premise. While the combination of kai abilities/themes/names are pretty open ended, it really should fit together. How exactly is a roar capable of causing emotion/sense damage? You really should add a bit more flavor text so people can understand exactly why this is happening. If you work on it actually attacking the person's spirit or something like that, I could see it working. Also, describe the roar more. How does it look? Go into depth.

Ability breakdown:
Ability 1:
Too many numbers and it's doing too much at once. A powerful knockback is really only needed for a single ability slot. The draining of sense seems added on. Keep ability one to solely being a knockback/reiatsu roar. Put the cost to something easy like 5%.

Ability 2:
Have this one work with the senses. By paying another 5%, you can amplify your use of Roar. When hit, they lose/severly hamper the use of a sense for X turns. The delay seems unesseary and useless. I'm afraid of making it a complete loss of sense because say you aim for sight, making someone blind for 3 turns is almost a free kill. While yes, there are other things that obscure vision, not how they all have counter plays. You can leave BoD/Blue Mist ranges. Spectrum doesn't completely remove vision. They are all set areas. There's no counter play, outside chiyudou, for a sense steal.

Ability 3:
Remove ability three. If your roar (plus amplification) runs into an oncoming projectile, if it's strong enough it'll override it anyway. Stealing emotion is just really weird and honestly just tacking too much onto this kai. The way you wrote the negation also is horrendously broken as it's a 15 meter RADIUS and stops ALL ATTACKS under 10%.

KEEP THIS AS A 1-2 ABILITY KAI. THE ABILITIES ARE STRONG ENOUGH ON THEIR OWN AND POTENT WITH ANY ADDITIONAL FEATS/TECHNIQUES. THERE'S NO NEED TO TACK MORE ABILITIES. THE BEST KAIS ARE THE SIMPLEST.

For example of great few ability kais:
Hisao Adachi's Siphon - Potent, extremely powerful in the right circumstances, meshes well with his other abilities.
Thaleia's Casted Fate - One of the strongest, if not broken abilities when used correctly
Torou's Rewind - The ability to turn back time one round is a powerful ability and is the only ability for the kai
Kyuketsu's Tenzanstasu - Two abilities, simple to understand, few numbers, great effect for a high zanjutsu character

 

[Unholy]

Name: Shuryō juu gata (Hunting Beast)

Release Command: Repel and Negate

Manifestation: Shuryō juu gata takes on the form of a large battle scarred lion with piercing green and indigo eyes. The inner world is a vast mountainous region filled with shifting rocks and dangerous precipices. The weather in the region as well as the seasons depends on Dellius’s current mood. Shuryō juu gata has a hunter-like personality, sometimes speaking in way of strategy and in other times urging Dellius to strike without mercy, but regardless of what he’s like he rarely backs down.

Release form: Upon saying the release phrase, the melts away and adheres to Delliu’s arms and feet. He is covered by silver-gold gauntlets. There are no intricate markings on it but there are scars and a tuft of brown fur upon his shoulders. The shoes are the same too taking the exact shape of Dellius’s loafers. It extends all the way up to just below the knee and fur adorns the top of his boots as well.

Yajū no hōkō (Roar of the Beast)
Dellius is capable of shooting a yellow damaging repelling blast from his hands, his feet or his mouth at the cost of 5% of his maximum reiatsu. While this ability normally blasts away physical and nonphysical things( air energy, etc), debris, people)indiscriminately, he can specifically repel the natural senses of a person. The opponent doesn’t feel the effect until after three turns have passed after the initial hit and it lasts only for one turn. The speed is based on hakuda and the range is coned shaped, spreading 20 meters (the strength is cut in half at 10 meters).


Yajū no sonzai (Presence of the Beast)
Able to span to 15 meter radius, Dellius is capable of negating attacks, and abilities that have less strength than the cost of 7% of his total reiatsu. While the ability to negate is primarily indiscriminate, he is capable of negating not only natural senses but also the experiences that a body can naturally experience like damage and emotions. The effect is capable of affecting only what or who he wishes it to affect. The duration of negation is for 3 turns and only two negations can take place at a time per target.

 

[Bish]

Name: Shuryō juu gata (Hunting Beast)

Release Command: Repel and Negate

Manifestation: Shuryō juu gata takes on the form of a large battle scarred lion with piercing green and indigo eyes. The inner world is a vast mountainous region filled with shifting rocks and dangerous precipices. The weather in the region as well as the seasons depends on Dellius’s current mood. Shuryō juu gata has a hunter-like personality, sometimes speaking in way of strategy and in other times urging Dellius to strike without mercy, but regardless of what he’s like he rarely backs down.

Release form: Upon saying the release phrase, the melts away and adheres to Delliu’s arms and feet. He is covered by silver-gold gauntlets. There are no intricate markings on it but there are scars and a tuft of brown fur upon his shoulders. The shoes are the same too taking the exact shape of Dellius’s loafers. It extends all the way up to just below the knee and fur adorns the top of his boots as well.

Yajū no hōkō (Roar of the Beast)
Dellius is capable of shooting a yellow damaging repelling blast from his hands, his feet or his mouth at the cost of 5% of his maximum reiatsu. While this ability normally blasts away physical and nonphysical things( air energy, etc), debris, people)indiscriminately, he can specifically repel the natural senses of a person. The opponent doesn’t feel the effect until after three turns have passed after the initial hit and it lasts only for one turn. The speed is based on hakuda and the range is coned shaped, spreading 20 meters (the strength is cut in half at 10 meters).


Yajū no sonzai (Presence of the Beast)
Able to span to 15 meter radius, Dellius is capable of negating attacks, and abilities that have less strength than the cost of 7% of his total reiatsu. While the ability to negate is primarily indiscriminate, he is capable of negating not only natural senses but also the experiences that a body can naturally experience like damage and emotions. The effect is capable of affecting only what or who he wishes it to affect. The duration of negation is for 3 turns and only two negations can take place at a time per target.

Well Mr. Ygg, I have to say that I like the idea of this kai. I'm not kai staff, but I can see some glaring errors that won't allow it to be passed.

1) Ki Blasts - Good ability. Starts out simple and effective. However, you neglected Hiren's suggestion for adding flavor text. Removing the senses isn't completely unheard of, but you give no context for the removal. You have so many abilities written in here that you could do any of the following: shoot away emotions/damage/whatever you could justify as something "naturally occurring," launch a damaging version of Threshold that activates without an incantation and with a twenty meter radius, you could launch infinite blasts in one turn, and you could remove any conceivable amount of "natural senses" from your opponent at once.

2) Ultimate Defense - The very first thing that stuck out to me is that there's no cost for this ability despite there being a 1:1 ratio in regards to defense within the rp. You get what you pay for so if you pay for nothing, you get nothing. In addition, this is an area of effect ability. It's not just a barrier; no, it auto-blocks attack for you because it's an omnidirectional effect. Let's not forget the fact that this ability has that "capable of negating not only natural senses but also the experiences that a body can naturally experience like damage and emotions" clause again. This basically gives you a free pass to negate anything that you could justify as a natural experience.

To summarize, I see a workable kai here. Sadly it's covered in OP things that don't quite need to be there. Just clear up those issues and it will actually work pretty well!

 

[Unholy]

Spoiler: ooc

I went with the names because I wanted to rp a lion as I felt that their two completely different personas would make for an interesting team as well as spur up good rping ideas. However if I'm seriously going to be judged by something because the name is a specific way then, forget it. I'll figure out a new name later.

Name: TBD

Release Command: Repel and Negate

Manifestation: TBD

Release form: Upon saying the release phrase, the melts away and adheres to Delliu’s arms and feet. He is covered by silver-gold gauntlets. There are no intricate markings on it but there are scars. The shoes are the same too taking the exact shape of Dellius’s loafers. It extends all the way up to just below the knee.

TBD
Dellius is capable of shooting a yellow damaging repelling blast from his hands, his feet or his mouth at the cost of 5% of his maximum reiatsu. While this ability normally blasts away air and physical matter indiscriminately, he can specifically repel up to two of the opponents bodily senses. The opponent doesn’t feel the effect until after three turns have passed after the initial hit and it lasts only for one turn. Dellius can launch up to 2 roars per cost at a time whether they be separate or layered and only 4 roars a round. The speed is based on hakuda and the range is coned shaped, spreading 20 meters (the strength is cut in half at 10 meters).

Spoiler: ooc

If you seriously don't get what I mean by senses then use this link. From sense 1 to 6 and sense 8 is what I'm referring too.

TBD
Able to span to 15 meter radius, Dellius is capable of negating reiatsu based attacks, and abilities that have less strength than the cost of 7% of his total reiatsu. While the ability to negate is primarily indiscriminate, he is capable of negating not only the bodily senses of a person but also the experiences that a person can humanly experience on earth like gravity, damage and emotions. The effect is capable of affecting only what or who he wishes it to affect. The duration of negation is for 3 turns and only two negations can take place at a time per target. Speed of activation is based on hakuda

 

[Abbey Rose]

TBD
Dellius is capable of shooting a yellow damaging repelling blast from his hands, his feet or his mouth at the cost of 5% of his maximum reiatsu. While this ability normally blasts away air and physical matter indiscriminately, he can specifically repel up to two of the opponents bodily senses. The opponent doesn’t feel the effect until after three turns have passed after the initial hit and it lasts only for one turn. Dellius can launch up to 2 roars per cost at a time whether they be separate or layered and only 4 roars a round. The speed is based on hakuda and the range is coned shaped, spreading 20 meters (the strength is cut in half at 10 meters).

Saying this as a commoner in power making, but the underlined bit is really tacked on. The math is odd, and could be really simplified, and cones are cool. I like the concept of roars though.

Moving on.

TBD
Able to span to 15 meter radius, Dellius is capable of negating reiatsu based attacks, and abilities that have less strength than the cost of 7% of his total reiatsu. While the ability to negate is primarily indiscriminate, he is capable of negating not only the bodily senses of a person but also the experiences that a person can humanly experience on earth like gravity, damage and emotions. The effect is capable of affecting only what or who he wishes it to affect. The duration of negation is for 3 turns and only two negations can take place at a time per target. Speed of activation is based on hakuda

No. Just... Just... Just No. Free DR at such a high level is almost always a no-go, and negating things like senses (Take away sight + hearing and boom, instant win for free on most people) is definitely not packaged in for free.

Then there's taking away gravity. That would cause a person to literally die, or get flung at a speed of over 1000 miles an hour.
No.
No.
No.

 

[Nargles]

Human... experiences?

You do realize that's vague to the point that you could take away something like as basic as the body's ability to feel a change in temperature and end up autokilling people?

Come on man... you've been here for 2+ years...

 

[Unholy]

Okay before I change anything you've been saying that I'm getting something for free....I don't get what you mean by that.

 

[Froggu]

"Free" in reference to the fact that your abilities are vague and complex, leading one to the conclusion that you could easily stretch the definition and get away with doing more than should be allowed by a single attack/ability.

I think someone touched on it before (or maybe everyone did?) ROAR BLAST plus EXPERIENCE STEALING in the same skill is no bueno. That's two seperate abilities in one, not to mention that one of the two is admittedly broken.

 

[Bish]

Okay before I change anything you've been saying that I'm getting something for free....I don't get what you mean by that.

What we mean is that with Presence of the Beast, you are negating attacks without spending any reiatsu to do so. If you really wanted this to work, look at Haresuno's Hitei Reiatsu.

Now, years after this development, Haresuno has learned how to tame the wild and twisted qualities that make his reiatsu unique. Now, if he so chooses, Haresuno may blanket his reiatsu in an area of 10 m. It costs him 4% of his reiatsu to do this, but all reiatsu abilities and techniques are weakened by that same amount - resulting in negation or simple draw-down in power. Even with this amazing ability, there is a draw back, as the energy Haresuno uses tax him. It leaves him unable to use his reiatsu in this manner for the span of two turns.

It's literally the same thing as your ability except for the fact that he has to continually spend 4% of his reiatsu per turn to activate it (in addition to there being a two turn cooldown). If you wanted to negate 7% worth of attacks, you would need to spend 7% reiatsu per active turn. The basic 1:1 ratio. You can't just negate things for free, man... especially not omnidirectionally like your 15 meter radius implies.

 

[Unholy]

whao whoa...its cost 7% reaistu to use also with the experience thing it costs 5% to do that as well....sorry didn't make that clear....will edit in next post

 

[Unholy]

Name: TBD

Release Command: Repel and Negate

Manifestation: TBD

Release form: Upon saying the release phrase, the melts away and adheres to Delliu’s arms and feet. He is covered by silver-gold gauntlets. There are no intricate markings on it but there are scars. The shoes are the same too taking the exact shape of Dellius’s loafers. It extends all the way up to just below the knee.

TBD
Dellius is capable of shooting a yellow damaging repelling blast from his hands, his feet or his mouth at the cost of 6% of his maximum reiatsu. While this ability normally blasts away air and physical matter indiscriminately, he can specifically repel up to two of the opponents bodily senses. The opponent doesn’t feel the effect until after three turns have passed after the initial hit and it lasts only for one turn. Dellius can launch up to 2 roars per cost at a time whether they be separate or layered and only 4 roars a round. The speed is based on hakuda and the range is coned shaped, spreading 20 meters (the strength is cut in half at 10 meters). Any specified repelling will be done alone. If it is done simultaneously with the regular roar then they are both weaker.

TBD
Able to span to 15 meter radius, Dellius is capable of negating reiatsu based things.The negation only drains up The that have less strength than the 8% cost of his total reiatsu. Negation aura remains until reiatsu used is fully depleted and Dellius can choose to spend up reiatsu to fill it. It is subject to normal duration drain in which case it automatically drains from Dellius. While the ability to negate is primarily indiscriminate, he is capable of negating not only the bodily senses and damage of a person but also he can lock onto up to two specific traits(abilities, techs, feats,etc) and negate them. Any attempt to use it will The effect is capable of affecting only what or who he wishes it to affect. The duration of specified negation lasts for as long as there is energy and when specifically negating its power is cut in half(half for ability and half for natural block. Maxed out usage will have 2% apiece.It costs another 8% to deactivate ability.