Reviewed TEP: Graceful Discourse - Feedback

  • Ready to join Post Terminus?

    Click to get started and submit your first character.

    Getting Started

swaswj

Administrator
Staff member
Feb 18, 2008
6,771
27
48
34
Latens
479✦
Exa
⏆2,101
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium (⏆50 per)
2⌯
Bigatium (⏆100 per)
4⍨
Auritium (⏆300 per)
0⍫
Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
0⌭
Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
Princess Grace carries herself royally and lives up to her name. The enchanting young woman, in a more private setting, seems to have a child-like curiosity bursting to break free from her formal demeanor. Ignis and Aeria are fascinating to her, close to her own age and yet like characters from a fairy tale. Eager to find out more about them and the adventures they've been on, Ignis and Aeria are in a unique position to find out more about the war, including why the emperor seems reluctant to accept help.

Difficulty: 70
100+ Great Success
70+ Success
< 70 Failure
< 50 Critical

Mission Bonuses (Unique to the Mission)

+/-?? - The Upset: The situation resolved in an unexpected way.
+20 - Tale Weaver: Grace was enchanted by one of the tales, something that hasn't been told elsewhere.
+20 - Creative License: An existing tale from earlier writings was retold in a creative way.
+0 - Small Talk: Polite, yet boring.
-20 - TMI: By accident or ignorance, you've said something you shouldn't have.
-20 - Delving Too Deep: Being overly direct in your questioning has killed the mood.

Standard Bonuses (each available once):

+30 - Page-turner: Wrote at least 3000 words.
+5 - Neophyte: Used a novice- or adept-tier ability.
+10 - Veteran: Used a skilled- or master-tier ability.
+20 - Legend: Used a grandmaster-tier ability.
+10 - Great Feats: Used a feat ability of any tier.
+10 - Magnum Performance: Used a magnum or ultimum ability of any type.

Roleplaying Bonuses (subject to reader scrutiny):

+10 - It's Personal: Your PC has a history with one of the characters, which is touched on or fleshed out here.
+10 - Rogues' Gallery: The antagonists were given distinct personalities.
+10 - Playing the Part: You performed actions iconic to your character.
+10 - Assimilation: The overarching plot has been woven into personal plot.
-10 - Mary Sue and Gary Stu: It's 1000 years too early for you to break a sweat.
-30 - Fade to Black: The thread was not completed in a timely manner. Repercussions for the protagonists may follow.
Results: 45

Quick note, I'm giving partial credit for 'Page-turner' -- technically it requires 3k between non-GM writers, you two had about 2500 together. So instead of +30, I'm giving +25 because it was close and what was written didn't feel sparse or padded.

This is a somewhat pleasant read, but unfortunately, it fell into that 'polite but boring' zone that I was hinting to avoid (given the point rubric). Although this was more laid-back in tone, it was set up as a mission with an objective to learn more about the current war and about the emperor's reasons for some of his decisions. Neither Aeria nor Ignis ever seemed to even hint toward that. Failing that, telling engaging stories to build rapport with her might have opened up other options with her as a proper ally later. As it is, you could think of your relationship with Grace as being in the... whatever the equivalent of 'friendzone' is for friendship. Acquaintancezone?

Grace likes Aeria and Ignis but they're still strangers, somewhat celebrities, people to appreciate but that she wouldn't consider herself that close to. Her invite to speak again could be seen as polite curiosity.

The part that did earn extra points for Creative License was Ignis briefly explaining her backstory with her mother. It's a bit of a fringe example, but it felt like a fantastic ice-breaker that could have led to further connection. As it is, though, most of this collab was played very safe, which ultimately makes it inoffensive and forgettable. I'm not suggesting that someone should have slapped Grace and demanded information, but I am looking for character investment in the plot around them. Remember that you're not meant to be extras in the GM's story. You're protagonists. This is your story.
 

Patreon

Writing Week is 302

Discord Chat

Current Date in Araevis