Reviewed TEP: That Princess Over There - Feedback

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swaswj

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Feb 18, 2008
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Difficulty: 70
100+ Great Success
70+ Success
< 70 Failure
< 50 Critical

Mission Bonuses (Unique to the Mission)

+/-?? - The Upset: The situation resolved in an unexpected way.
+20 - Counter-Seduced: Venus has the game flipped on her, and becomes smitten with one of the boys.
+20 - Misdirection: Venus is convinced that she has the boys under her spell.
+0 - Nothing Ventured: Nothing Gained.
-20 - Failure in Diplomacy: The Princess takes grave offense at something said or done.

-20 - Summon the White Knight: The guards or another guest intervene to defend the princess' honor.

Standard Bonuses (each available once):

+30 - Page-turner: Wrote at least 3000 words.
+5 - Neophyte: Used a novice- or adept-tier ability.
+10 - Veteran: Used a skilled- or master-tier ability.
+20 - Legend: Used a grandmaster-tier ability.
+10 - Great Feats: Used a feat ability of any tier.
+10 - Magnum Performance: Used a magnum or ultimum ability of any type.

Roleplaying Bonuses (subject to reader scrutiny):

+10 - It's Personal: Your PC has a history with one of the characters, which is touched on or fleshed out here.
+10 - Rogues' Gallery: The antagonists were given distinct personalities.
+10 - Playing the Part: You performed actions iconic to your character.
+10 - Assimilation: The overarching plot has been woven into personal plot.
-10 - Mary Sue and Gary Stu: It's 1000 years too early for you to break a sweat.
-30 - Fade to Black: The thread was not completed in a timely manner. Repercussions for the protagonists may follow.[/B]
Results: -50

In this situation, there's no severe repercussions for the thread not finishing. RL chaos was a big contributor, and there weren't major stakes on the line. However, even in the short bits that transpired, Dante seemed to go out of his way to be rude to the princess -- and I wouldn't even count that as 'playing the part' since it seems contrary to the persona Dante has shown in previous writing. This locks you out of some alternate plots in Pelagia and I would recommend avoiding the princess as much as possible. You didn't just remove yourself from a touchy situation, you outright scorned the girl, and although she's young, she is one of the most politically powerful people in the Empire so... not a route I would have recommended.

If this had played out longer, Deni might have worked his way back into her good graces, but since that opportunity was missed, we'll just say she's lost interest in playing with Deni, but isn't antagonistic toward him.

I thought this thread would be a good opportunity for humor, a roleplaying challenge with unique hurdles to navigate rather than an open combat scenario. I'm a little disappointed, Threads, that you seemed to take offense at the very notion of the collab. I feel like it would have been very easy for Dante to make it clear that he has a girlfriend, change the subject to talking about some of his sporting accomplishments, play wingman for Deni (who also has a girlfriend but that's another story). Basically, I wanted you guys to have fun with it.

I'll cop to the fact that it's partly my fault for not writing the princess myself, or asking Griff more frequently to write. I felt like the part was better suited to him, though, and I'm trying to tone down the nagging. I haven't quite found that sweet spot for "keeping things moving without being an ass." Even with that, though, it felt like Val was on his own here -- and for what it's worth, Deni's parts were not bad.
 

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