Reviewed Week 222: Madame Gemma - Feedback

swaswj

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Still loving the way you handle the characters in this story. Madame Gemma is sleazy and yet radiates authority. You do a great job of conveying this to the reader without actually saying it or telling the reader just how much sway she has. She says it herself in the way she talks, in the casual way she reacts to matters of life and death. Micali's disgust plays well against Gemma's brazen nature, and I like how Gemma seems to enjoy forcing Micali out of her comfort zone. So far, I'd say you are doing a fantastic job with the old adage of, "Show, don't tell."

That said, I also appreciate that you're taking the time to build the environments and the atmosphere. Somewhat unique to your writing, the interplay of heat and cold has been a strong element so far, something I'm still trying to read into. That consistency is something I love to see.

After the talk in chat, I assume that the flashback portion is what you were referring to. Seeing Micali in her element helps show some of the differences in the present her, subtle though they appear so far. Staying cool even after she made a mistake is a small detail that seems perfectly in keeping with her character, a cold logic that overrides panic. After all, she still had a rifle in hand.

Now that you've baited the hook with the face of our next victim (of Micali? Or Olivor? I wonder), I look forward to seeing current Micali in action. More action than shooting an unfortunate soul in the slums, that is.
 

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