Reviewed Week 232: Ache - Feedback

Dojat

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Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 232: Ache by Dojat.
 

swaswj

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I actually thought I wrote up some comments on this before, but if I did, I can't find them. Sorry for the delay.

The start of this chapter does a great job of imparting the sense of shock and panic in Micali's mind just with the structure of the sentences: short, jarring. The imagery, both literal and metaphorical, also continues to deliver, and Micali's struggle up the stairs reminds me some of the Bride's struggle to move her big toe -- something normally done without a second thought, made so much harder.

Something else I appreciate is that the flashback seems to come in naturally. If not for the change in font color, it'd be easy to mistake it for a continuation of the scene, and that's a good thing, in my opinion. It justifies the shift, as though the very similar circumstances brought those particular memories to the surface. Micali's feral state in that flashback was also an excellent way to illustrate just how far she had fallen at that point, where even kindness was taken as aggression.

Looking forward to seeing how this plays out, and what Rosa's secret ends up being.
 

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Writing Week is 236

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