Reviewed Week 242: Hospitality - Feedback

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Keydis Lysistrata

Caeancora
Mar 9, 2019
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The long gaps between entries don't do this much favors, sadly. There's a lot of little details that get lost, and your story seems to rely on the little details, on the intrigue. That said, it's still well-written and the plot is a fair blend of familiar and original. I'm not quite a fan of the formatting during the doctor's questioning, but I do get what you were going for, and it does break it up a bit compared to just going straight down the page. In any lengthy conversation, though, I would always recommend including some description and narration amidst the talking.

I'm surprised Micali was as accepting of Gemma's answer as that. "Oh, wrong knife." I expect Gemma knows more than she's letting on, though, so we'll see how that progresses. The brief moment where Micali fantasizes about killing her former comrades is a good reminder that Micali is not innocent or even kind.

Sorry if this is kind of brief, but looking forward to the next part and seeing what this new enlil is all about.
 

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