Reviewed Week 248: Hospitium is Born - Feedback

  • Ready to join Post Terminus?

    Click to get started and submit your first character.

    Getting Started

swaswj

Administrator
Staff member
Feb 18, 2008
6,706
21
38
33
Latens
2,235✦
Exa
⏆984
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium
102⌯
Bigatium
54⍨
Auritium
5⍫
Vitatium
15⌭
Caelitium
0⌬
Great to see you writing again, first off. And so the Hospitium is created. With Concha Litus being the nearest vacation spot to Terminus, it could prove to be in a profitable position.

With the chapter itself, there weren't a lot of errors that popped out besides a few typos ("the the" or "if" instead of "is," those sorts of things). In terms of storytelling, you describe several of the rooms in some detail but I would have liked to see description of Reilly himself and Meirian, and you mention the guild symbol multiple times but never say what it is. The little hook at the end makes for a nice excuse to join the hunt for Kincaid, if that's your angle.

Sorry there's not a lot more to say here, but looking forward to seeing you write more.
 

Patreon

Writing Week is 278

Discord Chat

Current Date in Araevis