Reviewed Week 275: Cold, Colder - Feedback

  • Ready to join Post Terminus?

    Click to get started and submit your first character.

    Getting Started

swaswj

Administrator
Staff member
Feb 18, 2008
6,708
21
38
33
Latens
2,380✦
Exa
⏆1,056
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium
102⌯
Bigatium
54⍨
Auritium
5⍫
Vitatium
15⌭
Caelitium
0⌬
Rosa gave a solemn look to the older woman. “Sucks about your real parents though.”

Micali just shrugged. “Hard to mourn someone you never knew.”

Huh. Ironic echoes toward my own writing, which I don't think you've read, yet.

Lutum nodded, pausing to scan in a full circle around them before turning to Keydis and offering a somber pat on the shoulder. "You have my condolences. They were good folk."

Keydis brushed his hand away with no change in expression. "Thanks for the thought, but I'm fine." She shrugged. "Why should I care? I never knew them."

The characterization in this chapter was excellent. I mentioned in the previous chapter that you had done a good job humanizing the characters, but this chapter takes that much farther. The obvious affection both women have for each other doesn't prevent them from irritating and snapping at one another, and that's about as true to life as you can get. The sudden confession leaving Micali in shock, and unwilling to admit it's mutual, is also realistic considering her history and situation.

The battle was interesting, if brief, and a small detail I appreciated was Micali's initial, "I've got this," mentality followed by the, "wait what?" when her first shot did nothing. The details you included surrounding its brain-death leave me curious whether this was a one-off, to highlight Rosa's medical acumen, or hintings toward some future development, like this is one of many to come.

Keep it up.
 

Patreon

Writing Week is 278

Discord Chat

Current Date in Araevis