Reviewed Week 305: Alluvion - Feedback

  • Ready to join Post Terminus?

    Click to get started and submit your first character.

    Getting Started

swaswj

Administrator
Staff member
Feb 18, 2008
6,944
30
48
37
Latens
8,028✦
Exa
⏆3,653
Bounty
⏈0
Dahlitium (⏆50 per)
2⌯
Bigatium (⏆100 per)
4⍨
Auritium (⏆300 per)
0⍫
Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
0⌭
Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
0⌬
I know this is one I prompted you to do, but out of the very little I gave you to work with, you created something deeply suspenseful and managed to marry together the overarching plot with Micali's personal plot and growth.

There's a lot I would like to say but the first thing that comes to mind is that the silence throughout the chapter is one of its defining elements. Micali never speaks a word, never has an inner monologue. The only word she thinks, specifically, is 'Rosa.' Everything else is tied into her training and experience as an assassin. She surveys the lay of the land, notes the details in the housing, even draws comparisons to where she lived before. After spying the high windows, she prepares the special ammunition. Everything is business-like, professional and competent, even as she's fretting over being out of her depth. Even at the end, she's changing clothes to be better prepared for future encounters.

The descriptions of the surprise horrors within the city were great. You may have seen that some of your descriptive elements ended up used in the open PM threads. It's also interesting in a way that Micali never considers shooting the naga after she's spotted. Pragmatic, of course, but I've seen many assassin characters written in the past who would have killed the enemies 'just to be sure' (or really, 'because it's edgy and cool'). Micali has some edge to her, but it never reaches the cringe-levels we've all seen or created in the past.

Great work and a character ever growing in depth and complexity.
 

Patreon

Writing Week is 501

Discord Chat

Current Date in Araevis