Reviewed Week 310: Foreign Warren - Feedback

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swaswj

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This will be the first in a series of overdue feedback. I didn't realize just how many pieces had gone without comment. I blame part of it on the PMs, of course, and taking some time to recover from them, but still, my apologies for the delay. I'm going to take this one writer at a time, so I can keep any storylines consistent. Tod, you're up first, and might be the only one I get through in this current batch.

General writing tips for this piece: be sure to avoid random capitalization. Even things like referring to Kai as a sniper don't warrant capitals; he's a sniper, he's not known as the Sniper. Even if it's his title, you don't typically capitalize ranks and titles on their own (ie. the captain, the king), only when they're attached to a name (ie. Captain Barbossa, King George). Any other things that cropped up seemed to be simple typos.

There's still a lot to find out, so I'm keeping an open mind, but one thing that strikes me is how odd the formation of this tribe appears. Its make-up appears to be mostly spurii, which suggests that people of different origins banded together to form a tribe, but the fact that the common tongue is foreign to most of them (or at least their leaders) would suggest that they've been separate from civilization for multiple generations. A tribe would normally be close, blood-wise, so having mixed groups is unusual. Little happened story-wise, so my thoughts were mostly on the tribe and what they might have planned. That's all I really have for this one.
 

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