Reviewed Week 355: Paint By Numbers - Feedback

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Dojat

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Oooookay, a lot to unpack here. I appreciate that you kept the setting rather stagnant and allowed the focus to be on the characters and the under (and over) tones of the dialogue. Where I was wondering whether Delos would be friend or foe, Vertox holds much less doubt in my mind. You succeeded in creating probably the grossest character I've seen on this website to date simply by the proper use of prose surrounding dialogue and the frantic thoughts that came from Cicada.

From the technical standpoint, this chapter also had some flubs where grammar or spelling didn't feel quite right, but as with the first chapter, it didn't actively detract from the reading experience, and I still got to that uncomfortable place that it's clear you wanted me to get to.

Oh boy, that ending, too. At first I had thought this was just a story being told in second person to instill the reader with a sense of what Cicada was going through, but the bit at the end really impresses upon me that this is actually someone telling a story in retrospect, which gets me excited in seeing where it all goes from here.
 

MoonlitRain014

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Vertox is nasty as hell and you manage to convey that extreme sense of wrongness quite well. He sets my teeth on edge and that's a testament to your introduction to the character being well considered. I am viscerally disgusted by him. I do not in any way envy poor Cicada being under this freak's power, not at all.

However, there is a great deal of excellent potential for what this kind of trauma will do to Cicada and what it will result in down the road. I can see many avenues opening and will read with interest to see how you proceed. I am already feeling drawn to this demvir's tale. I appreciate the depth and nuance that is already being created in your writing.
 

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