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At the surface, Diamantus easily treaded water, glancing around before briefly shutting her eyes and starting to breathe more slowly, to focus. Her motions became still and more easy despite the threat of the situation in which they found themselves. Somewhere below them the dopetrei were...

Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for [Oc] Week 281 - Alien Intelligences by MoonlitRain014.

Word Count 1342 Moonie = Professor Craxtus Between the buildings, the figures ran fast and fleeting, dodging swiftly in and out of shadows. A casual observer wouldn’t have seen much, but for the pair who ran and chased it was in deadly seriousness. Breath flowing, legs blurring as the...

I can only echo what Will's saying and also add that inserting the descriptions of the characters often works better when those descriptions are distributed throughout the chapter, rather than all clumped into one paragraph. I also concur with Will's advice on showing through action, rather than...

Whoo! Well where do I begin?! This was packed with so much emotional content as well as a good amount of exposition and some enjoyable descriptive writing. I think that Will's a great deal better at critique than I am, so I've deferred to him over that. I just feel like talking about the...

Aeria ruffled Amicus' leaves and patted him. She was unsure of what might happen. The room didn't seem to have appreciably increased in tension, but one never knew where princesses were concerned. All of the lessons that she'd ever learned about royalty had taught her that they were...

Diamantus turned and bellowed at the room. "Ballasts are purging! You have to get the Vis-damned hell out of this place and to the escape pods." The crowd rippled and began to surge, but the muscle-bound velen barked a sharp order at them. "If you idiots all run out at once, you'll get stuck...

The room was empty and the ship was listing. Laermont didn't waste any time. He looked towards Gwendolyn. "We don't have enough time to do anything about it now. This ship is going to sink, can't you feel it listing?" He grabbed her and lifted her up. "We better get the hell out of here and...

Aeria's eyes held compassion that mingled with other less gentle emotions as the Princess spoke. The golden cage that the Princess sat in was clearly outlined by the things she was saying. The ingenarius waited for a chance to speak and answered Grace's question gently. "Yes. We're both skilled...

The velen's powerful arm easily held her in place, braced by her equally strong legs and she rode out the violent motion smoothly. As she glanced back at Garus, her expression was grim. "So yer sayin' anyone could be a naga, Garus?" Diamantus watched him carefully, his hand resting near the...

The demvir’s massive, powerful arm easily supplied him with the grip he needed and his reflexes were faster than the average human as he held himself upright while the ship lurched. His glance across at Gwen confirmed that she’d managed to stay upright as well. He pointed down the hallway toward...

Aeria sat quietly for a few moments, just letting her body relax. The elegance and indeed grace of the atmosphere made her own body adopt an unconsciously delicate pose as she sat across from the princess. There was a sense of poise that seemed to permeate everyone and everything. After taking...

Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for [Oc/Ca] Week 270: Observe and Report by MoonlitRain014.

Word Count: 2046 Moon = Laermont Brood =Vita This time, Laermont had invited Vita to his makeshift office at the edge of the Lupanar district, ready to make the first report of what he’d discovered about the collective that his diminutive demvir employer had been so interested in. His...

Diamantus glared at Garus. “If you have to use that Vis-damned thing on me, do it. Otherwise let’s just get on with it.” The crowds were milling around, looking uncertain about whether or not they should do what Amanita was asking or stay put. If the conduit was in the room, they didn’t appear...

"I think the exhaust room is still the primary target. A quick investigation of the rooms on the way seems prudent. If I were a saboteur, I'd do the fastest thing which is to hit the exhaust room." The demvir didn't waver, if he had any uncertainty it didn't show outwardly. Turning to Gwen, he...

As they moved swiftly down the hallway, Laermont was talking rapidly both to Gwen and Libra, mind seemingly moving back and forth between various priorities “What’s the fastest way there? Is Miss Gwendolyn right? Is this a likely target?” The urgency in the big demvir’s voice was evident and...

Laermont was impassive, as demvir always are. However, his whole frame seemed to carry some sort of tension in it and he was leaning forward already, every indication being made that he was about to start moving. As soon as Gwendolyn had shown him the page, he jerked his head in the direction of...

THERE IS A LOT HERE! I shall start with the stuff that I really enjoyed though. I really enjoyed the flow of the dialogue that you got going. Everyone's got a really nice back and forth happening. The dialogue is also in character, so that everybody sounds like I'd expect them to sound which is...

Diamantus narrowed her eyes for a moment at Garus, but kept her mouth shut. Laermont gave a sharp nod of his head in acknowledgement and gestured to Libra that she should follow. He pointed at Gwen as well. "I need your map and you, as well as Libra. Let's go!" Without waiting, he barged out of...