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[8th] Kazuta Takahashi

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Name: Kazuta Takahashi (First, Last)

Age: 104 (Appears to be between 20 and 30 years of age.) (Died at 25, lived in Rukongai for 62 years, went to the Academy for 6 years. Remainder of time spent as a member of the Gotei Thirteen.)

Persona: Kazuta is a very friendly person who tries to see the best in people. However, his trust is not easy to earned, and those he trusts he trusts with his life.

Kazuta also has what one might call a hidden temper. He is able to stay calm through situations that would raise the ire of some of the most emotionally detached people. However, when he becomes enraged, everyone will know it. When this happens he becomes single-minded. During this situation his only goal is the defeat of whoever shattered his calm.

He has a relatively high intelligence compared to some, which gives him an edge in battle. He treats each fight as both an important learning experience and like a game of chess. He is able to react to his opponent’s actions while still thinking ahead.

Kazuta also has a very strict moral code that he follows. Even when enraged, he is unable to raise his blade against a friend or a woman. This makes him vulnerable to betrayal, however it is for this reason that he is hesitant to trust people.

Kazuta took the death of Captain Saiyoisen rather hard. His thoughts and emotions began spinning out of control. One moment he would feel as if he should have done more to save the man's life, the next he would feel as it he was too inadequate to because he has neither been strong enough nor inspiring enough for the Thirteenth to deactivate the generator and save the captain in one go. For a short time this lead Kazuta to be borderline insane, and warping the ideas of Captain Saiyoisen into an almost zealot like state.

Upon awaking and finding himself in a weakened state, Kazuta has gained a somewhat shorter fuse. While he will attempt to maintain his calm, it is much easier for him to fly into a fit of anger, often because he knows it is his own fault he has fallen from where he was.

Physical Appearance: (Stat-like Form)
Height: 5' 10"
Eye Color: Deep Blue
Hair Color: Black
Hair Style: Rather unkempt, he's going for the "I just woke up" look.
Identifying Characteristics: There is a scar over his left eye. A remnant of a fight he got into as a child.
Other Characteristics: Kazuta is somewhat slender. He appears as though he would be easy to take down but his skill with a sword makes up for his appearance.

Physical Appearance: (Paragraph Form)
Kazuta Takahashi is a somewhat slender man with a height of approximately five foot ten. He wears his dark black hair in a very unkempt manner, as if to say "I'm awake, now what?" His eyes are like oceans of deep blue and seem to promote a calm feeling in those who gaze into them. Over his left eye is a very noticeable scar. He is unsure of how he obtained this memento of battle as he was alive at the time, and like most Shinigami, holds no memories of life. Though his outward appearance may suggest that he is weak, it is folly to assume that he can't hold his own in battle.


Biography: Like the vast majority of Shinigami, Kazuta Takahashi has no memories of his life before he died. His earliest memories, thus, are of living in Rukongai. He was fairly well liked and respected by the people around him. He lived a great life in Rukongai, and would have enjoyed it if it had stayed as it was. However, Kazuta always strove to better himself. It was his goal to become as strong as he could. Never did he have have the delusion that he could become the strongest man in the world, he knew that there is always someone stronger.

Soon he found that he could use spiritual energy, so of course he applied to the Academy. He felt that becoming a Shinigami would help him get stronger. After six years at the Academy he graduated with a better understanding of how the Shinigami worked. Now he knew that this was the path he must take.

Before he joined the Gotei Thirteen he entered the woods outside of Rukongai for training. It is here that he met the man that has become like a mentor to him, Hitoshi. Hitoshi saved is life and gave him advice on which Division to join.

Over time Kazuta earned his way up the ranks of the Thirteenth Division and earned the respect and friendship of many other members. When the time came that Third Seat Kazuta Takahashi was to be put in command he fulfilled his duty to the best of his abilities. The assault on the Sin Qua Non generator managed to be successful, if costly. After the victory however, Kazuta noticed that Captain Saiyoisen’s reiatsu was absent. The man who had left him in charge of the assult had died, leaving the Thirteenth with no Captain and no Vice-Captain.

Kazuta had a statue of the former Captain erected on the grounds of the Thirteenth and laid the Captain’s shattered Zanpakutou to rest beneath the visage of the man who had wielded it. After this Kazuta slipped off to train in the woods again as his journey had begun years ago.

Zanpakutou: Kazuta's Zanpakutou has the appearance of an ordinary katana with an overall length of 38.5". The cross guard is gold in color and elliptical in shape. The hilt its made of a black polished wood with gold colored cloth cross layered down it for better grip. The scabbard is made of the same polished black wood as the hilt and is strapped to Kazuta's back.

Kazuta rose through the ranks of the Thirteenth Division fairly quickly, forming friendships and rivalries along the way. One such rivalry was with the now Captain of the Seventh Ishin Katsuji after sharing the Sixteenth Seat with him. When the Thirteenth's Vice Captain Orpheus Rayne was promoted to Captain of the Eighth and Ishin left the Thirteenth to be the new Vice Captain of the Eighth Kazuta took on exta work in the Thirteenth. Though having never attained the rank of Vice Captain he had the responsibility and, at least in the Thirteenth, the respect of the rank. Everything seemed to be going well. Until the war with the Sine Qua Non.

The Thirteenth took many casualties during the assault on the generator. Partly due to an over zealous subordinate charging in without waiting for the healers form the Fourth and partly due to the strength of the enemy. Even Captain Saiyoisen was no match for his enemy, leaving Kazuta in charge of the Thirteenth with his death in battle. Even this did not last long however, oders came for the Thirteenth to disband with a lack of a member of Captain level strength.


Stats:
”Former Stats on Kansuke Yamana”
Reiatsu: 13703
Zanjutsu: 9193
Hakuda: 1005
Hohou: 2005
Kidou: 1500
Connection: 9032


Reiatsu: 100
Zanjutsu: 50
Hakuda: 10
Hohou: 30
Kidou: 10


Sample Chapter: Kazuta’s Return
Words: 1136


“Tenbatsu!” called a familiar, yet unknown voice.

The ghostly, golden blade made contact with Kazuta’s body. The cut was shallow, barely a scratch, but the pain was like nothing the Shinigami had felt before. Excruciating would be an understatement. Something in the back of his mind told him this was the pain he had caused other beings in his life. Hollows, Shinigami, anyone who had felt the bite of his sword before. But it was more that. For a fleeting moment,. he knew that word. He knew he had used it before to show people the pain they have caused. And then the world slowly started to fade.

The older man continued to talk but the swordsman could only make out a few words here and there. Understand and judgment were the most clear; as if they were meant to be heard over the searing agony he was feeling.

“I am done here,” the golden clad man stated, “until you know where your faul...”

The voice trailed off as the world around the former Third Seat of the Thirteenth Division faded to a horrifyingly excruciating black. Kazuta knew he wasn’t conscious, but still the pain persisted. Images floated threw his mind. And old man in a golden Shinigami uniform. A blade that he could have sworn he knew, it’s golden blade reflecting the light of the sun. A name was just out of reach of his memory. He knew the man, the sword. They were one. They were a part of him, at one time. It seemed so long ago now.

“Ungh,” Kazuta groaned, grabbing at his wound as he slowly began to stir. “How long was I out?”

The only answer that came was the wind through the trees and the squeak of the hinge on the old shack’s door, as it swung ajar. For a moment, the groggy death god felt like a new graduate again, expecting to see the mysterious old shinigami with no reiatsu to come out of the humble dwelling. No one came.

Off to the side, where he dropped it, was his Zanpakutou. Laying on the ground, it’s blade chipped slightly from the recent fight. As he stood up to fetch the sword, he realized his exhaustion. He felt weak, tired, hungry, but most disturbing of all was the intense sensation of failure. As if he had lost all he had because of a mistake he made, despite knowing it was wrong.

“Well, at least I still have...,” Kazuta began as he picked up the sword, and drew a blank as to what it was called. “... you. I guess I hit my head harder than I thought.”

The rest of Kazuta’s day went by in a fog. One image kept running through his mind, a golden uniformed old man swinging and equally golden blade. He knew he should recognize the individual, and the sword, but he just couldn’t place it. The more he tried the remember specific features he more the image faded and was replaced with blinding pain. Not physical pain, but the pain one feels when a respected friend turns his back in disappointment.

He found himself kneeling at the statue of his former captain on the grounds of the Thirteenth. He didn’t remember his journey back to Seireitei. Everything was still a haze, as if he wasn’t the one performing his action. He was just a spectator. The exhaustion he felt earlier was still with him and he found himself falling asleep.

“Excuse me,” came a gruff voice, “does this look like your bed, son?”

It was dark out now as the owner of the voice shook Kazuta back to consciousness. He didn’t know how long he had been asleep. Hours, days; it seemed all the same to him. He rubbed his eyes as he looked up at the man.

“Is that any way to address the Third Seat?” he asked, pulling himself to his feet.

“Third Seat of what?” the gruff voice asked, “Come out of your dream kid, and stop sleeping on that old captain. Don’t they teach respect at the academy anymore?”

“I-” Kazuta began, but was cut off as his legs began to give out beneath him. He still felt weak and tired, more like an old man that should be sitting around talking of the old days than someone who should be wearing the uniform of the Gotei Thirteen. “I need to see a medic, something is wrong.”

“Ha, something other than a recruit disrespecting the dead?” the ever grumpier other man said, helping Kazuta gain his balance. “Still, you are looking rather pale now aren’t you? Just getting back from taking care of your first Hollow? It’s enough to shake any fresh blood. Come on.”

Kazuta started to reply but felt himself starting to get lightheaded and dizzy. Words would not come, so he just nodded and let the stranger help him along. As the two made their way in silence through the Thirteenth he couldn’t help but notice he didn’t recognize anyone that passed by. He began to wonder if perhaps he had been in the woods longer than he thought. It couldn’t have been more than a week. Yet everything was so different. Even the grounds themselves seemed to hold something strange that wasn’t there before.

“Got a pretty drained newbie here for ya,” the irritated man said, as he helped Kazuta sit in a chair. “Thinks he’s the Third Seat. Found him sleeping next to the statue of Captain Saiyowhatsits. No respect for the dead it seems.”

“Thank you,” came a male voice from behind the desk. “I will take it from here.”

The young man behind the desk looked somewhat familiar to the former Third Seat. He could have sworn he had been one of the members of the Fourth sent with them to the generator. He was a blonde haired, blue-eyed medic who seemed to take much care with his physical appearance.

“Name, rank, and division,” the healer stated, not looking up from his paperwork.

“Kazuta Takahashi, Third Seat, Division Thirteen,” Kazuta replied.

“You really don’t have respect for the dead, do you?,” the blonde man said, still not looking at his patient. “I served with Takahashi, years and years ago. Now I will ask again. Name, rank, and division.”

“Kazuta... Takahashi...” the weakened Kazuta said, forcing himself to his feet and over to the desk. “Third Seat... Thirteenth Division.”

As he finished, he slammed his hand down on the doctor’s desk. The young man finished signing Lucas Monroe on the paper he was working on and looked up at his angry patient. There was a flash of recognition on his face, right before it paled. As the medic fainted, Kazuta couldn’t help but think the young man looked like he had seen a ghost.
 
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Name, Age, Appearance, Biography and Zanpakutou are all good.

Personality: Some of these traits are a little contradictory or they don't piece Kazuta together very well. When you get more experience writing this PC, his character will come together but, for now, I'd like to see a general revision for how you describe him - try to think about the aspects that other PCs will notice immediately, what makes him stand out, and what might take some digging to see.

Also, his bio never mentions the transition from 13th to 8th, for which you are applying. Continuity would be best served with some kind of back story :)

Stats: Unless a GM says otherwise, you will start at 100 rei and gain 10% of your previous rei for every week you write at least 1,000 words.


Sample Chapter:

Commas missing and some misspellings - I'll point out a couple.


Something in the back of his mind told him this was the pain he had caused other beings in his life, hollows, Shinigami, anyone who had felt the bite of his sword before. But it was more that. For a fleeting moment he knew that word.

You might want to break up the first sentence, after 'life' and before 'hollow' - add a dash or semicolon to highlight the example aspect of the latter part of the sentence. Also, I think you mean to say, "...he knew that world".


The only answer that came was the wind through the trees and the squeak of the hinge on the old shack’s door(,) as it swung ajar. For a moment(,) the groggy death god felt like a new graduate again, expecting to see the mysterious old shinigami with no reiatsu to come out of the humble dwelling.

Off to the side(,) where he dropped it(,) was his Zanpakutou, laying on the ground, it’s blade chipped slightly from the recent fight. As he stood up to fetch the sword(,) he realized his exhaustion. He felt weak, tired, hungry, but most disturbing of all was the intense sensation of failure. As if he had lost all he had because of a mistake he made(,) despite knowing it was wrong.

You can see I merged the first two sentences there, to keep the flow of the first sentence, but it's a tad choppy so you may want to think of a way to rephrase or paraphrase.

“Well, at least I still have...,” Kazuta began as he picked up the sword, and drew a blank as to what it was called(,) “... you. I guess I hit my head harder than I thought.”

The more he tried the remember specific features(,) he more the the image faded and was replaced with blinding pain. Not physical pain(no comma needed here) but the pain one feels when a respected friend turns his back in disappointment.


“Excuse me,” came a gruff voice, “does this look like your bed son?”

What the hell is a 'bed son'?? :D What he meant to say was, "Does this look like your bed, son?"

In regards to the content, I'm interested to know Kazuto's back story and his transition. I'm leaving the other spelling and punctuation errors for you to find so post here when you've finished, and I'll be back!
 
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Just to start off with, commas have always been my weak point. No matter how many times they are explained to me I just can’t retain the information lol. As for spelling, I had been staring at computer screens all day before I wrote that sample chapter so I had quite the headache going. So I will address those issues soon. Right now it is four am and I just got home.

Now, moving on to the personality, I’m going to need some more details on what specifically you think don’t mesh well with it. I wrote Kazuta as my main character for a long time here on Halcyon Days with that personality. If the links in my old profile weren’t dead links to Bleach Forums I could show you some of the other writing with him in it to give you a better idea of how he is. Once I do get approved I will make it a priority to track down the new Manga Den links, since I know the archives all came over. But in the meantime I will need to know what clashes.

For the biography, the reason I don’t have a transition from the Thirteenth to the Eighth in there is simply because none of that has been written yet. When I last wrote with Kazuta as my main character it was just after the PMs where Captain Saiyoisen died and left the Thirteenth with no one higher than fifth seat, which was myself. Thirteenth was disbanded and at the time Kazuta didn’t fit well anywhere so I took a hiatus from writing during which I came up with Kansuke Yamana and came back for a while. But this is becoming a tangent. My point is I can’t have a backstory for how he got to the Eighth when that is in fact the first part of my return arc that has yet to occur. I put Eighth in this because that is where Kazuta will be headed once he realizes that what he thought was a few days in the woods was in reality several years. Which you see a bit at the end of the chapter when Lucas mentions he served with Kazuta years ago while throughout Kazuta seems to think little time has passed.

On to some of the specifics in the chapter, I actually meant to say he knew that word. This is referring to the word “tenbatsu”. The ideas is, that is the main attack of his Shikai and subsequently the bankai he was training for. He knows the word prior to passing out, but after it he does not. Nor does he remember name of his sword. His Zanpakutou spirit has taken away his privilege to use any release until he is truly ready. This is both the path I was going to make Kazuta follow as an NPC and I switched to Kazuta on my return because the new bleed rule fits perfectly as a mechanical explanation for the in character change in power.

http://www.mangaden.net/forum/showthread.php?30184-11th-Week-147-Tie-Up-Them-Loose-Ends-Already

The two chapters linked above, which were among my first Kansuke chapters, actually lead into this. I figured I should at least find these now as it may clear up some things as it occurs to me I wrote this sample as a continuation of my last writing here on Halcyon Days that involved Kazuta. Also, this will allow me to make an edit with the exact dialog from the encounter rather than guessing based on what I remember as the gist of what I was saying lol.

Anyway, I will edit this post once I have finished the changes to the chapter, and come to think of it I did forget to add in to the personality section the slight changes to his personality at his captain dying and, while the personality shift haven’t come up yet I suppose I could put in something about the direction they might go in regards to the whole surprise of finding out he has been gone for a long time, his power is all but gone, and things aren’t quite the same as when he left. It just seems a bit odd to me to put is personality information that isn’t actually part of his personality yet. Like I said, he still thinks Saiyoisen died a couple weeks ago and that people are probably still recouping from the losses of assaulting the generators.

EDIT: I think I have found most of the mistakes. Also, upon reading my own writing I found out Kazuta was last Third Seat, not Fifth. Forgot he had been promoted to just short of VC after those PMs. Probably because I didn't write with him long after that and the promotion meant little out of game with the division getting disbanded lol.
 
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Yayay, you are approved

Go to profile -> my settings -> permission groups, request to join Halcyon Days
Then post a chapter before the night's over since it's double points week

then all that other normal stuff.
 
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