Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for [Be/Be] Week 215: Blue Light by swaswj.
Reviewed [Be/Be] Week 215: Blue Light - Feedback
- Thread starter swaswj
- Start date
Mystydjinn
[Insert rimshot]
Dammit Keydis, you had one job.
So this was an interesting romp. Arduin has a magic blue lamp he stole from somewhere (a ruin I presume) and is super excited to finally have his mcguffin. Vox is excited too, but only because he gets his rocks off from taking things that people want really badly, or just killing them as they acquire it. He doesn't seem too picky about which.
Enter Ms. Lysistrata. Keydis happens to be interested in crashing Arduin's party too, but only because she needs cash, not to get off or fill the void of her empty existence.
The bulk of the collab centers around the Vox and Keydis's conflict, and has an interesting quality compared to most things with Keydis because she isn't the driving force behind the plot progression here. Instead, it's an evil furry.
Jokes aside this was well done. I liked the contrast that focusing on Vox's point of view provided the story, since it allowed us to understand the machinations of this freaky entity facing down something it wasn't prepared to handle. Vox's actions throughout this were driven solely by his desire to kill Arduin and everything he did lined up with that and that doggedness was an interesting trait.
He never made a point of trying to kill Keydis, that wasn't his goal, all of his strikes seemed to be attempts to incapacitate her and stop her from pursuing; and until Keydis used "Aeroslash"(Keydis is a Pokemon now) and crit, he was always moving towards him. After Keydis foiled his plans, he turned his focus to her briefly, but was mostly focused on distracting her and getting away.
Nice consistency with this guy's one track mind.
Keydis did a good job playing as an immovable object. She showed up and told Vox, "No." And she consistently told him, "No." Throughout this collab.
Keydis stopped acting after she hit Vox the first time. From then on she became a reactionary force and acted like a roadblock to every goal Vox set. It could've been weird just because Keydis is usually the driving force when she appears due to her "dive in, consequences later" personality, so it was neat to see her shimmer in the background too.
Construction was pretty good all in all. No spelling/grammar errors, just a couple awkward spaces where it looked like you guys were trying too hard not to step on each other's feet and that broke flow, but they didn't detract too much from the story.
8.8/10 ya dweebs and stuff.
So this was an interesting romp. Arduin has a magic blue lamp he stole from somewhere (a ruin I presume) and is super excited to finally have his mcguffin. Vox is excited too, but only because he gets his rocks off from taking things that people want really badly, or just killing them as they acquire it. He doesn't seem too picky about which.
Enter Ms. Lysistrata. Keydis happens to be interested in crashing Arduin's party too, but only because she needs cash, not to get off or fill the void of her empty existence.
The bulk of the collab centers around the Vox and Keydis's conflict, and has an interesting quality compared to most things with Keydis because she isn't the driving force behind the plot progression here. Instead, it's an evil furry.
Jokes aside this was well done. I liked the contrast that focusing on Vox's point of view provided the story, since it allowed us to understand the machinations of this freaky entity facing down something it wasn't prepared to handle. Vox's actions throughout this were driven solely by his desire to kill Arduin and everything he did lined up with that and that doggedness was an interesting trait.
He never made a point of trying to kill Keydis, that wasn't his goal, all of his strikes seemed to be attempts to incapacitate her and stop her from pursuing; and until Keydis used "Aeroslash"(Keydis is a Pokemon now) and crit, he was always moving towards him. After Keydis foiled his plans, he turned his focus to her briefly, but was mostly focused on distracting her and getting away.
Nice consistency with this guy's one track mind.
Keydis did a good job playing as an immovable object. She showed up and told Vox, "No." And she consistently told him, "No." Throughout this collab.
Keydis stopped acting after she hit Vox the first time. From then on she became a reactionary force and acted like a roadblock to every goal Vox set. It could've been weird just because Keydis is usually the driving force when she appears due to her "dive in, consequences later" personality, so it was neat to see her shimmer in the background too.
Construction was pretty good all in all. No spelling/grammar errors, just a couple awkward spaces where it looked like you guys were trying too hard not to step on each other's feet and that broke flow, but they didn't detract too much from the story.
8.8/10 ya dweebs and stuff.