Reviewed [Be] Week 225: Obsidian Principum - Feedback

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HEY-HO! I TOLD U I WOULD DO IT, AND HERE I AM.

Okay, so, I am torn on how I feel about this chapter. On one hand, and as per usual, I love how you write basically anything related to crafting and smithing. All the discussion about obsidian and Naev lookin' for the exact right obsidian with the 'memory' of fire or whatnot that he needs to enchant that ring for Keydis was supercool and I fuckin' ate it up. I also really loved the mental image ya painted of Naev stuffin' himself with high-class fancy foodstuffs while sittin' in an employee breakroom and JUST FUCKIN FUCKIT, DOING HIS ENCHANTING RIGHT THERE. That is a man with a plan lemme tell ya.

I super-envy your ability to weave realistic descriptions and science with fantasy mumbo-jumbo and make all of your crafting chapters sound like you 100% know exactly what you're talkin' about and like the rules for this universe and how things interact are all xtremely clear. Also, lol for Naev trying (succeeding?) in getting servers hooked on crack-cocaine pure caffeine.

NOW ON THE OTHER HAND - I feel like maybe ATM things go well for Naev and all his plans work out neatly a LITTLE too often, ya dig? I feel like you're going for the 'guy that has what everyone needs and knows how to work every situation in his favor' vibe with him, and that comes across nicely...BUT. It'd be nice if you made it clear his smooth tongue n' coat full of 'thing that you want's doesn't always work out +100 points for Naev. SOMETIMES PEOPLE REFUSE TO BE WON OVER, YA KNOW? The way, for example, that you set up that restaurant owner as holding a heavy grudge for <thing Naev did while drunk> was good, but then in the end you indicate via yer writing (admittedly from Naev's perspective, and he may be wrong, but-) that the owner was TTLY going to use the caffeine Naev gave him to give his servers a boost because it works so well!!

I would argue that the way you wrote them earlier, I'd find it easier to believe the owner would like, immediately ban the caffeine and refuse to acknowledge the benefit out of distaste for Naev (even if later on it turns out the servers started using it anyway because of that enlil buddy being like 'THIS IS THE SHIT YALL'). I just mean, Naev wins over. EVERYONE. It starts to feel a bit silly after a point. JEWEL SHOP OWNER OWES HIM, RANDOM GUARD WON OVER IMMEDIATELY BY SIPPY-SIPS, RICH LADY GETS A NECKLACE HE RECOMMENDS AND NOW LOVES HIM, OWNER DECIDES TO USE THE CAFFEINE NAEV GIVES HIM (and might soften towards him in the future bcause of the benefits that would come from it), SERVER THINKS HE'S THE BEES' KNEES, ETC. I need someone to see him and go 'ugh. FUCK YOU NAEV.' and like. throw a drink on him before he can pull some bullshitteroni perfect gift out of his coat sleeves.

OVERALL AWESOME CHAPTER, READING ABOUT NAEV EATING MAKES ME WANNA EAT, THE LITTLE CRACK ADDICT
 

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