Reviewed [Be] Week 243: Cleverness - Feedback

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you just couldn't help yourself could you

COULD YOU


It's been a while since I've read some Eos shenanigans, but the chapter is great - as good as any of your writing, that is to say, which is A++. Eos remains endearingly curious, quick-witted, but also prone to childish behaviors enough to paint her as a realistic(ish) child-magic-prodigy, and Mesan continues to be very...very Mentor(tm). Not necessarily in a bad way, mind, just -- HE FEELS LIKE HE IS BONED, YA KNOW. HE DED. HE GONNA DIE. RIP OLD MAN, YOU ARE GOING STRAIGHT INTO THE FRIDGE FOR THE SAKE OF EOS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.

Overall I felt like I liked the chapter a lot more once the two characters were together - the scene-setting description and Mesan on his own didn't QUITE grab me. Of course, keep in mind that my preferred method of setting a scene is to paint little details here and there throughout the course of the writing, just enough to illustrate the scene without overloading the reader on the exact type of paint on the walls and yadda yadda. And OF COURSE that's hard to do via a medium like RP chapters, where you're setting a scene and then telling the story within it within a very short little window. ANYWAY. WENT OFF ON A TANGENT.

Uhh, the 'riddle' Mesan posed to Eos, and her responses to it, were the highlight of the chapter - as I assume they were supposed to be (THEY HAD BETTER HAVE BEEN). I'm both surprised a younger girl wouldn't come up with 'RUN AWAY RUN AWAY' sooner, and amused that she's so hard-headed she was like 'I AM GONNA USE THIS FUCKING SPELL I SWEAR TO GOD' before grudgingly giving up on it. I am interested in the background-vistra in the sense that it feels like a Chekov's Gun situation - that thing goan eat grandpa please look forward to it.

AND UH. THAT'S ALL I REALLY GOT. I feel like sometimes you have to build up steam to get into a chapter, and this one might have felt a BIT like that, but I still loved it overall - and it's certainly not always like this. I MEAN, I remember specifically pointing out to you how much I liked the world-building within that one Keydis chapter, the dialogue and commentary about the rail system.

OKAY BYE
 

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