Moon + 58 etdgfv
Engineer: 130
“What do you think of this? Do the joints pass muster?” She asked, genuinely hoping that Ignis approved.
Same sentence, no need to have a capital word in the middle of the sentence.
Ooh, team crafting. That's great to see. And it's nice to get some more of Aeria crafting. It's been a while, and I could feel that she was really comfortable throughout the collab. Aeria's talk with Ignis was also fun.
Ketch + 72 bfp
Hair IV: 370
I really enjoyed Thalice calling Oriana puella all the time. Not sure why, but it really seemed to fit into the atmosphere of the chapter. The overall feel of the chapter is done really well. It's a bit dark and mysterious all the way through. The talk between Thalice and Oriana had a good sort of intensity to it.
Still, with all this religion talk, it sort of feels like another world entirely since it's just completely different from everything else. Not to say it couldn't happen, but probably the Vis are real and really did do all the things the stories say they did.
Armed Forces: 104
For getting no customers, Tycho sure is abrasive to people going into his shop. I can see why it's failing.
This entire business transaction felt much to hush hush for being something that's perfectly legal. Geeze, smile a bit and engage in selling the product. Also, I like how Tycho doesn't actually know how much money is there. For all he knows, that could be a bag full of ones.
I liked this little look into how he does business.
Doc + 72 bfp
Roar IV: 176
Your dialogue punctuation is now half-right half-wrong. It's just gotten weird now. I'll give a few examples here, though it's not all of them in the chapter.
“Well,” the enlil gestured towards itself. “that’d be me. Name’s Baron. What’s it you need?”
This entire thing would technically be one sentence. When you want to break apart a single sentence in the middle, you start the next part with a comma.
“Well,” the enlil gestured towards itself
, “that’d be me. Name’s Baron. What’s it you need?”
“I’m here for the ledger.” Speedy said flatly.
This is simply just one sentence, so the dialogue would end in a comma.
“I’m here for the ledger
,” Speedy said flatly.
“Who in Castus’ name do you think you are?” Baron shouted. “did Bell send you? Is that it? He think he can just send somebody to shake me down after all I’ve done for him?”
Now this sentence is not like the one up above. This is actually 2 sentences, so starting a new spoken dialogue sentence would be capitalized.
“Who in Castus’ name do you think you are?” Baron shouted. “
Did Bell send you? Is that it? He think he can just send somebody to shake me down after all I’ve done for him?”
Now why is this 2 sentences while the one up above is one sentence? Simply because you did not break apart the spoken dialogue in the middle. You stopped it at a full sentence and started a new full sentence afterwards.
That was quite a gunpoint robbery there. I liked Speedy's badness at it and his talk with Apollo afterwards was great.
Armed: 104
It's Tydeus! Who's Tydeus?
Well, I liked you engaging other people for their crafting services. It's a nice way to round out the world. And geeze, no talk about price, just throw down a bag of exa. You could have been overpaying! Or underpaying! This is like movie/television shopping.
Still, Tycho and Tydeus seems like a fun pair. It was an interesting shopping collab.
Will
Item Fabrication: 230
I am trying to picture this thing you have made. It's one item, an axe and an anvil mashed together. The anvil is attached to the axe head, right? On the back of it? Moving over my thoughts on the design of the item.
The act of crating it was done well. Seeing the little d'oh moment from Keydis was fun. And the work put into making the weapons was certainly intensive and careful. The talking part with Aecus really added a lot to the chapter. It makes it clear that Keydis, despite being skilled, is still learning and changing her ways of thinking.
