Grading Session for Week 131

[swaswj]

[Be] -> [Oc] -> [Aq] -> [Be]
​

The grading groups and their graders are currently as follows:

[Ca] Castus - Inactive Members

Castus List

Bish
Cheese
Dil
Freckles
Griff
Iron_Void
Kaze
Ketch
Lambo
Loko
Nella
Puppet
Regulus (Oc)
Resh
Shrub
Sparx
Switch
Tetsu
Zerieth

​

[Oc] Occultus - Will

Bob
Doc
Finny
Moon
Thread
Bunz​

[Be] Bellator - Will

Berri
Dys
Kago
Minj
Rob
Shade​

[Aq] Aquila - Will

Hare
Sev
Thana
Val
Vin
Grif
Bats​

The Rotation for the month of February 2017 is:

[Be] -> [Aq] -> [Oc] -> [Be]
​

Please post your thread titles beginning with your grading group, then the week number, like follows:

[Ca] Week 01: Title Should Be Here
​

Grades are due by 11:59 PM EST on Tuesday

 

[swaswj]

The Informant (2029) 200/203

The idiom is actually, 'made a beeline.' It refers to the idea that bees fly straight when returning to their hive.

One thing that felt lacking in this meeting was discretion. You start off with a code phrase and Dia moving them into a booth, there's extra people around watching, but overall, they felt very casual despite the sensitive and risky nature of their deal. Still, it's a good way to introduce the character and dig deeper into the TorBru, giving you a man on the inside. The potential implications for Aeria and Diamantus build a sense of suspense. This assassin is being built up, continuing from the earlier chapter, so I hope he lives up to it.

Reg, keep an eye on your dialogue. Several times you put the comma after the closing quotes instead of before. It's good to have you writing again, and I hope to see more soon.

Moon - 100/102 + 75 Faction
Regulus - 100/102 + 75 Faction​

Panoramic (2668) 261/267

"The air had the scent of must rather than must." I'm racking my brain to figure out if this is a typo or some kind of wordplay.

Dys, the past-tense for leading someone is "led" even though the present and past tense of reading are both 'read.' English can be inconsistent.

A mundane but relaxing chapter. It's a strange situation at first glance, but it's definitely not the first or only time a client has taken their workers out for lunch or other leisure. Although that oddness fades, it's a little surprising that Ignis would lead Amanita to the Lupanar district. Even though there's some semblance of order and rules to the little city, it's still filled with criminals of one kind or another, and Amanita would be a tempting target. It does speak to Ignis' general naivety, though.

Dys - 130/134 + 75 Faction
Fin - 131/134 + 75 Faction​

 

[Thanatyr]

Guest grading as asked! Fun read. Racism and possible fake-face robots and religion and magic and continent wide searches, oh my! I’ll be honest, the details of what’s going on is lost on me, but I got the basics of what this chapter was about, which is nice. Some of these are written as I read, and may seem disjointed.

The security precautions in regards to all Demvir, the protests to the search by Audite, and the descriptions of the place gave excellent mental images of the setting and how people were treating everything. Although why aren’t they concerned about literal weapons around high profile religious leaders?

I didn’t see any glaring grammar issues except the line:

Its pages crinkled like dried leaves as he carefully removed it. "... this was the one..." he murmured beneath his breath, before offering it to his mentor.

With the elipses, I’m not entirely positive if “this” needed a capitalization.
I really need to go back and read more of Laebuta. Saint Deimar seems very demanding, interesting to see Gallas protest than give in to the 3 day command. Next up, Krevati Evimerias?

349/349, not sure if this was PM or not, if so, adjust with relevant bonuses!