Another intrigue-building chapter and a few more tidbits of information given. Eulea was surprisingly compliant and helpful, given she seemed to think Laermont was involved somehow. Considering she was cautious of the man in her story, it's curious that she would be trusting enough to follow Laermont into a private room. It'd be too much of a twist for her to somehow be in on everything, but it feels like that's the only thing that would explain her going along and dropping the info.
I definitely like that we're starting to see more back-and-forth, though. Even if TorBru seems to maintain the upper hand, it's nice that Laermont's side of things can make progress, and set things back.
+100 Faction
Moon - 244/244 + 100 FB
The Fall's Gonna Kill You (2693)
It wasn't until I began writing the comments here that it dawned on me that this was took place in the past. For some reason, I was reading it as if it was after Antigone's recommission, so I was starting to comment on things like Saleh's corpse surviving ten years and Antigone losing control so quickly after returning. Then it clicked: this is when he was initially infected. I like that the exact details are still mysterious, but there's enough foreshadowing to somewhat guess what's going on with Antigone while the unfortunate subjects are devoured.
Remember that you wrote Ismene as a demvir, though. You were adding details like her heavy breathing and feeling weak in the knees, but you addressed earlier in the chapter that demvir were preferable since they didn't exhibit the same weaknesses as biological races. Still, great stuff.
+100 Faction
Hiren - 269/269 + 100 FB
Iudicium I (8750)
Would appreciate if someone can give grading comments for this, for both me and Berri.
Berri, I enjoyed the start of your collab. You did a decent job of world building and fleshing out Bas, even though he played a minor role in the overall story. Mentioning his routine and referencing his habits made him feel like a real person instead of a flat plot device. Your writing of El is pretty solid, although it gets a bit repetitive; he drums his fingers a lot. I do like how often you mention the pain from his injuries.
437/438 +150 faction
Will, first and foremost, Keydis is kind of mean. However, it isn't just cruelty for cruelty's sake. Her interactions with El give me an idea of what kind of relationship the two have and a solid idea of what Keydis is like as a person. She treats El the way she does because she thinks he needs to toughen up, but isn't unwilling to help. Nicely done.
438/438 +150 faction
~Please bring any disputes/mistakes to my attention via DMs~
