Grading Session for Week 191

[Kaelos]

AH > 8th/13th > Cerb/Q > 1st/10th > 4th/7th > O > 3rd > 12th > 11th > AH

1st/10th = Will
3rd = Van
4th/7th = Dippy
8th/13th = Sene
11th = Beaks
12th = Harm
AH = Tom
Cerb/Q = Raph
O = Zenny
​

Grades must be posted by 11:59pm EDT on Tuesday night.​

 

[Beaks]

Sup my babies, I'll be picking up the grading and hopefully we'll be back to (somewhat) normalcy in the 11th by the end of this week. Just in time for PM's apparently...

I'll be doing more in-depth reading of everyone's stuff and commenting on this weeks grade either Sunday or Monday, as right now I really need to sleep.

For my grader: Linky blinky

 

[Code of the Noble]

Zabuden

Investigation: (51/55)

My comments from last week still stand with your writing this week. If you dont remember what it is that I am talking about, it is the lack of description of your character and the other characters involved in the story. The best thing for you to do (as I had this problem early on when I first joined as well) is: Take a few key characteristics, whether physical, emotional or otherwise, which best defines your character and turn them into descriptive pronouns like: the skinny emo shinigami, the voluptuous skeezer, the arrogant bastard, the tired death god and so on. Then once you finish typing your story, find all the “Zabu's” you refer to your character as and then replace the bulk of them with some of your new found pronouns.

You may take 50 of the division bonus with you. Your stats are done the same way as they were last week. The only difference is now you apply the consec bonus (+10% to raw grade) to your grade which in this case would be 6 as you round your numbers up and not down when doing stats. So your total grade technically (for the sake of consec) is 57. Then do the same steps you did last week and you should be golden. And yes consec bonus would also go to your connection just as your raw grade does.

Also I will be sending that turn sometime tomorrow I want to do a three way klab with you me and unholy for the two of yous introductions into the eighth. So keep a look out in your inboxes/emails for the googledoc invite.

Unholy

Enter Rei: (57/59)

Not a bad start, a tad rocky in the beginning as I caught an oddly worded sentence in your first paragraph. Also there is something I did not take points away from, but would like to mention. When you say so and so division, please capitalize division too (ie Eighth Division), not Eighth division. You make take 50 of the division bonus with you as well.

Also as I mentioned in Zabuden's post earlier: I will be sending that turn sometime tomorrow I want to do a three way klab with you me and zabuden for the two of yous introductions into the eighth. So keep a look out in your inboxes/emails for the googledoc invite.

Raph

World of Wrinkles (yes that was a birthday pun >:3): (68/68)

Such fine writing for an old man with arthritis and cataracts. You may even take 50 of my division bonus as a Happy Birfdai present. (don't ever say I never did anything for you.)

I did not see anything from the 13th. Pm me if I missed anything.

 

[Kehengto]

Orph: I realize summer is upon us once more, and with life happening it means writing will be slack. This does not sadden me. What does sadden me is the silence of the missions that had been issued. I’ve asked for updates at the very least and have only received word that one will be reopened for re-assignment. I’m allowing an extension before I do re-assign it. By July 2nd I want updates in PM form of all open missions. Just a quick note with the following details:

Mission Name:
Participants: (Character / Player)
Word count: (Current)

Now to clarify, I didn’t actually assign the missions; they were taken by choice. If they do re-open for another to take I would like them completed quickly.

Sev
Comments: Overall a decent collab between the two of you that was impressively symbolic of the relationship between Orpheus and Cerebus. I found no glaring errors, which proved to be a testament to both of your proofreading. Even if that is not true, let’s say it is.

I did see other pieces that look to be in the works, if I missed anything let me know.

Grade: Lines (67/67) + 75 Div bon

Thana
Comments: Loved the chapter and the fact that she can't just heal it away. I did enjoy how she discovered a new manner to 'see' her surroundings making the best of this bad situation. The end was even more tantillizing than the pervasive question of will she regain her sight.

Grade: Blindness (156/156) + 75 Div bon

Van:
Comments: I quickly perused through the Taishuu of Rob’s focusing on your turns and their obvious relevance to the events unfolding in the gorge below. I can say they were informative, but there was one turn I simply could not follow what was being said. Sometimes keeping things blunt actually does more than eloquently constructed sentences.

In your chapter I was quickly reminded of a comment made to myself about first person, but then I saw it was an excerpt from a journal so no foul. I will note, and this is nitpicking, that there was an instance of improper word use.

Example: You said “But there are worse fates then death….”

This should be “But there are worse fates than death…” Note that the ‘Then’ you used really should have been a ‘Than’.

Now for reference to those who are unsure why this is the case. One uses than for comparisons like less than this, or more than that. One uses then for sequential events, or points in time; as in I went to the store, and then I stopped for coffee. Then can also be used a sentence structure when a Therefore could also be used, typically in the common If Then statement. I.E. If Theron dies, Then the 3rd division will need a new captain.

Long story short Than is used for comparisons only.

Van sorry for the English Lesson, but I felt I had to make a worthwhile review, and you unfortunately drew the short straw this week.

Grade: Swan (64/ 67) + Chapt ( 54/ 55)


Everyone Else: Links = Grades; No Link means (Read this next part with the Soup Nazi voice) No Grade For You.

My Grader: Nada from me.

 

[K3]

Moony:
[111/111]Cat Talk:
Laughed so. Fucking. Hard.

And now I think I'll be using that phrase for a while: Everyone must get stooooooooned~

Great work as usual, though the awkward sentences from Tabi-chan were rather…weird. I'll attribute that to her lack of intimacy with human language though.

Lin, I could use a collab with this new NPC. Mouko's cats and her would definitely get along.

[76/80]Locked In:
Please give me a total word count for posted chapters next time.

These look alright, but you really need to flesh out the mood of your writing a bit more. You keep habitually falling back into this point where everything's given at a flat value. He did this and then she did that and then he said…

Point is that you need to pace your writing to build tension when needed. The way you're taking things with these sort of conflicted moments where Zakki has to choose between Yusuke and the Corporation presents it without any sort of actual conflict.

As one of the oldest pieces of advice for writing goes: Show, don't tell.

Shades:
[57/57]Children of the Grave:
You know what? Feng needs a hug. A great big hug.

But yeah, good collab and not really much to pick on.

Will:
[134/134]Who We Are and What We Aren't:
Man, I never thought I'd see the day I saw Kyuto depressed.

Overall, this was (as expected between the only canon pairing to involve 2 different writers) an amazing collab. I think the highlight of this to me is how real everything seems. Kyuto's actually been pushed to the point where she's trying to stave off depression by acting normally, and it's a side of her that I have to say is quite disturbing.

Suffice to say, I wanna see the follow up to this before this rotation ends.

[82/83]Taishuu Practical: The Black Swan:
This was less impressive, but given your spectator status that's obvious enough. Putting my overall disagreements with this collab aside, I've noticed Sayis seems awfully familiar with his responsibilities as Soutaichou. I won't pretend he's not quick to adapt, but from what I've read of him I'd have honestly expected some nostalgia or even a bit of hesitance given the brutal nature of his own Taishuu. A lot of this just seems...omniscient, if that's even appropriate.

Still, can't find any real faults with this so I'll just pass my congratulations onto Rob.

 

[Kaelos]

Drag

All In: (53/53)

A short chapter, but a good one nevertheless. Finding old items after so many years can be a pain, especially when a neighborhood deteriorates overtime. Whatever the Purple Dragon faction took from Eiji's father's home had to be a very important item. Danger will be lurking in every corner, so be careful. With that said, I cannot wait for the next chapter. No mistakes here, and it went on smoothly.

+50 Division Bonus​

Mitsu

To Tentei? Or To Kuura?: (50/56)

Nothing too inherently wrong with your writing here expect for a few mistakes here and there. You have to be careful with words that have are similar in sound (forth vs. fourth, to vs. too). In some spots, some sentences didn't really flow well as they rightfully should. Another issue I had was after Sekka called out the bakudou, you didn't allow the spell to make contact. The entire process seem rushed to me.

PHA - The Reconnaissance: (113/117)

Your writing here was serviceable for the most part, though there were some rough spots where you had either had missing words or sentences. Again, read your turns couple of times before you to make necessary fixes.

Rumble in the Forest: (99/102)

Your writing is much better here, though I have to say that Mitsuhito can't be wishy-washy during a training session. I would've loved it if you didn't dodge all of her attacks. I know that Mitsuhito got a higher Rei count than Yuurei and that he didn't want to hurt her, but he can't have that kind of mindset when faced against an opponent. Just a word of advice. Points were taken for minor spelling and grammatical errors.

Wings On My Feet: (87/89)

Your collab here was much cleaner here than, so I'm happy with that result. You have the same issue as the last time I graded you, Twelfth Division needs to be completely capitalized (you keep writing it as "twelfth division”) since it's a proper noun. Congratulations on learning shunpo from the fastest shinigami in Seireitei.

+50 Division Bonus​

Beaks

Into the Howling Dark: (242/242)

Good to have you back. I'm glad that things with the move went well. Solid writing as always, I did not see much as far as errors were concerns. Did I mention that Gravios is one mean and scary zanpakutou spirit?

Taishuu Practical: The Black Swan: (2/4)

Nice of Tsubaki to be the voice of reason in the last minute. Lost half points because I had to add up your wordcount. Harmbomama is not happy. You know better.

+50 Division Bonus as a welcome back present​

 

[tminus31]

To my knowledge only Sen wrote...

[Sen]

Black Swan - You came, you saw, you smirked, you commented, you approved [49/49]​

That's all from me folks, Tom out.

 

[Rob]

Rob here, helping Chris out with some bomb-chika-waw-waw.

[Miho]
To Tentei… or blablabla: [49/61]

-First off: Get your names right. It’s Maikeru not Makieru, k?

Okay, that out of the way, here’s what I’m going to do: I’ll be focusing on one aspect of your grading this week, namely: dialogues and dialogue endings.

This problem seems to stem from your own language as I’ve looked it up a week ago. The thing with your language is… is that when you look at your writing from a Polish-grammar perspective… there’s nothing inherently wrong with it, but when you, instead, look at it from an English – which seems sort of logical, right? – perspective… there’s a whole bunch of things going on that aren’t supposed to.

For starters: - You were all told to meet me at the Southern Gate… Five minutes ago. I expect all of you to arrive here within the next ten minutes or I will personally see that you will suffer the consequences,echoed in Abe head voice of his vice-captain. -

Smack-dab, first sentence, first problem: this is wrong. You do not ever end your thoughts like this, especially if the thoughts were projected by someone else. What you have here is: Speech verb – preposition of place (where did the voice echo?) – name of person – massive confusion.

So, now, consider this: - You were all told to meet me at the Southern Gate… Five minutes ago. I expect all of you to arrive here within the next ten minutes or I will personally see that you will suffer the consequences,his vice-captain’s voice echoed through Abe’s head.

Here you have the person who actually said the thing to Abe first. This is a must. If you have someone else than your character process thoughts to you use a pronoun to indicate your character, in this case: his, and then place the person who said the words after it. Also, see that I wrote captain’s with an apostrophe s? Yeah, that’s because we’re indicating possession. Possession? Yes, the vice-captain possesses a voice, right? Right.

Murder on the Football Field: [64/71]

-British hate-rage aside, this was better than some of your other works, but still... the same problems reoccur here as well:

- “What was that?” asked almost crying a young girl that was hit by hollow.-

No.

This is, like I said, your most reoccurring problem. Whilst correct in, perhaps, Polish, as far as grammar is concerned, this is wrong when you look at it from, you guessed it, the English side.

There are multiple things wrong here so I’m listing them:
- Asked almost crying – So this girl almost asked someone something or she almost cried? What is this? This doesn’t make any sense, other than that it is wrong.
The correct way to write this sentence would be: a young girl – see what I did here? I put the person up front, remember this. Learn it, hate it, DO IT – cried – oho, so after you introduce the person who said the thing, you get how, in this case: cried... so you can dropped the almost crying part - , having been hit by a hollow.

“What was that?” a young girl cried, having been hit by a hollow.

So: <”Dialogue,”> <Person A/a young person/an elderly guy/an awesome girl/a hot babe/a cold dude> <said/asked/inquired/yelled/cried/sneered> <DESCRIPTIVES>

Okay?

PHA – Pro Horse Anticipation: [99/117]

- Honestly, Miho, this wasn’t too bad either, but again... it’s more of the same as far as your errors are concerned. You really need to work on your word orders. I cannot stress this enough. If you really have a heart for this place and want to achieve something... hammer those grammatical rules into your brain. There’s no other way for you to do this than to do it, to do it and to do it. So, I’m going to give you some ‘homework’ if you may.

I want you to write a chapter that has what I wrote above PHA,
( <”Dialogue,”> <Person A/a young person/an elderly guy/an awesome girl/a hot babe/a cold dude> <said/asked/inquired/yelled/cried/sneered> <DESCRIPTIVES> <<<<< THIS)
Alright? This is one way to get used to writing in the correct word order.

Anyway, keep up the good work and take 50 of the Division Bonus with you.

-Rob out.

 

[swaswj]

Okay. I have like 50k of writing to read this week. Comments are going to be really, really short. If I had realized sooner how much writing there was I would have split it up (lord knows I have enough VCs). Ah well.

If I missed anything... Ask Lil to get it. If I missed something of yours, Lil, ask Lin.

Lil - 119/119

I like how Lilith's training sessions always have that element of malicious humor to them. That is all.

100 VC Bonus for the training.

Tentei Kuura (2371) 119/119​

Hare - 63/63

And then Haresuno comes in for his part of the good cop/bad cop routine and tells everyone how dangerous the training is.

Tentei Kuura (1266) 63/63​

Lin - 224/227

Your collab with Dippy was lots of fun to read. Really enjoyed the sense of joy and freedom when Ilsa first started to fly. The rest of the collab was adorable.

Cat Chat was a little weird. Funny, but weird. Everyone just seemed a little too accepting of everything that was going on. And Zakki wasn't even stoned (that we know of).

50 Div Bonus

These Wings of Mine (4657) 116/116
Cat Chat (4446) 108/111​

Finny - 92/92

Where did Picca find the time to nose in on the training? I need to work her harder!

Although short, the chapter was good. I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of the old man using a cell phone, of course. Surprise order from Sayis: go earn some money to pay some of the bill.

50 Div Bonus

Tentei Kuura (772) 39/39
Please (1067) 53/53​

Berri - 134/134

You must write more~ Although this collab was really difficult to write, I like the way it turned out. Plus it's good to see Mitsu getting some development from his angst instead of just being somewhere in the background emoing it up. Really feels like there's this gap between the adolescent Mitsu and the shinigami Mitsu and that they're struggling with each other.

50 Div Bonus

Who We Are (5342) 134/134​

Bob - 41/41

Not a whole lot to say here to be honest.​

Tentei Kuura (819) 41/41 ​

Bish - 08/17

This is a small number of points to start with, but you only get half credit. I have more than enough to do that I don't need to be doing your wordcount for you.

That goes for everyone reading this from this point forward: if I have to add up your wordcount, the best you can hope for is 50%.

Tentei Kuura (333) 08/17​

Grif - 42/42

Always like those mixed turns like your opening with Lil. Aside from that, pretty standard training stuff.

Tentei Kuura (847) 42/42​

Nell - 435/575

Welcome to Halcyon Days and the First Div. I'll get you turns soon hopefully.

So, starting with the Soccer Field collab, I'm noticing some things to clear up. There are some instances of breaking tense (slipping from past-tense into present), and some misspellings, but the biggest culprit is the awkwardness of the story flow. Choosing an excerpt:

Kill, kill, kill, he repeats this almost like a mantra when trying to concentrate on attacking the one that dare to wound him. Moving forward Jumbo started to swing with both arms hoping to hit the girl.

Darn it! Yuurei thought as the bony axe in the hollow’s arm hit her asauchi, completely parrying her blow. She gritted her teeth due to the sound produced by the weapons, and jumped away as far as she could. However, it proved to be nothing but a meager distance -- she barely regained her composure when the hollow’s arm took a full hit on her. She landed on the moist grass ten meters away to the side, and a sharp pain seared on her thigh.

A yelp escaped her lips, which could have betrayed her location to the hollow. Although she struggled to stand up due to the pain, she couldn’t afford to stop. She sheathed her asauchi back to its scabbard, and prepared another spell.

“Birds of prey, a predator’s strike. Rip through flesh and tear off the bone. With a hawk’s precision and the greed of a vulture, Hadou number eight, Talon!” She bellowed, and a white twenty centimeter kidou energy appeared on her fingers, resembling that of a bird’s claws. At that time, the hollow would have completely discerned her location, so she stood in place and awaited for the hollow.

Easily he sunk with his claws into her warm flesh. The scent of blood spilled after that mixed with the smell of his own seeping slowly from the wounded arm. Before she jump out of his field of vision noticed that she moves using mainly one of her legs. Standing for a short moment he listens to her cry of pain waiting for a moment to savor it before dealing another blow.

Letting a low growl rushed toward his prey with wide open arms intending to cut her in half with single slash of his bone axe. He was so careless, so sure of success that unintentional left a small opening when swung with his weapon downward.

I can’t move well … She thought as she bit her lip, and saw the incoming hollow. It ran towards her and raised its bony axe, more or less with a crushing intent. Yuurei barely noticed the crack on the bone and a gash on its right arm. She didn’t allow that little weakness to distract her, and lunged to the left.

As soon as the hollow went past beside her, she attempted a violent slash on the hollow’s side using her right hand.

​

There's an event buried in there: Yuurei gets slashed on her thigh. It's hinted at the end of one turn, in the middle of the next, in the beginning of the third turn again.

Something you'll see me say a lot: writing has a strong visual aesthetic to it. It's not just what you're reading, but how it looks and flows on the page. When things move fast, make sure the writing moves fast as well. In the middle of combat, descriptions will get more jarring, actions will be briefly described. Thoughts should be kept to a minimum or be mixed in between short actions.

Repetition should only be used for effect. If Miho writes that the hollow deflected the attack, you do not have to write that the hollow deflected Yuurei's attack -- Miho just told us that. By the same token, if you write pain welling up from the vicious wound, Miho shouldn't tell us that she cut your thigh -- you just told us that. Repetition only serves to slow down the writing.

The writing and characterization are better in Rumble, but repetition is still a... repeated problem. We'll go into that more directly during our collab. Not much more to say here. This was a very actiony piece, but due to the repetition and filler, it didn't have any excitement.

For how long the Shortcut collab was, there really wasn't a lot that happened. A rather large portion of the collab was tied up in more repetition and random lyrics from the insane man. Plot-wise, I have some concerns about serial killers being in the lowest districts of Rukongai (they tend to be the safest districts). If they were well-known enough for the citizens to name the 'Korimizu brothers' then they would have requested for some shinigami to hunt them down.

About halfway through the collab, I began to skip Miho's turns and was still able to fully understand everything that was happening. That's not a good thing.

50 Kan for the bounty. I'm not quite happy with the lack of difficulty in it, but it's a first time so I'll let it slide.

Soccer Field (2825) 60/71
Rumble in the Forest (4080) 75/102
Shortcut (16095) 300/402​

Dippy - 313/317

For how confusing the instructions were, and how absent a certain someone was, you did rather well at upholding your end of the taishuu. For the two attacks that Kaede leveled at you, you gave Rob a lot more respect as a player by your responses to them. Nicely done.

Comments above on Wings collab. Cruel of Makoto to tease her so, but I find it even more amusing that Ilsa didn't catch on right away.

Some small errors that popped up in the chapter. Nothing major, but enough to note (small things like "civil" rather than "civilly" and a few sentences that flowed awkwardly). The intricacies of noble life... makes me glad that Sayis is a pitiful peasant, haha.

Black Swan (2085) 102/104
These Wings of Mine (4657) 116/116
Appalled (1949) 95/97​

 

[Beaks]

As promised, here we go.

Switch - Chains Of Conviction: I will admit that I dropped the ball on finishing this collab with you before my month-long departure....on another note I just got some freaky ass deja-vu about grading this before, but then the computer started talking back to me in real time and tried to eat my head. Anyhoo...I suppose in a lot of ways it says a lot about the diversity of writers in our Division since you and I had this roughly half-written before I left. Where Tsubaki would have given way to some level of emotion, Kyuketsu remained calm and somewhat stoic until the end. While (for Kyuketsu) he spoke a great deal, I don't really believe it was anywhere near Masato territory...maybe Amaya just doesn't like men in Haoris. XD

However, there is something I would like to point out in Amaya's writing for a brief moment. I've looked back through most of the [11th] related writing since I've been back, even as far as reviewing the last PM the olds participated in before leaving. That being said, aside from carrying a torch for Masato and being rejected by him in both a personal and a leadership-based standpoint, I really can't find too much in Hayashi's history that would warrant her suffering an 'emotion driven decision.' Not trying to claim you're wrong or anything, just noting an observation. As a whole, Amaya's past and the consistent weighing of it in her chapters and collabs presents her as a very driven character.

You both handled the gravity of this situation exceedingly well from start to finish. Amaya did wrong for the right reasons, and it was very apparent that the act was not lost on Kyu. You two have always had an interesting dynamic in collabs, and I'm always happy to see it develop more.

One small nitpick, however. The last Acting Captain in the 11th before Kyuketsu was me.

Both of you get 116/116 out of this one and 50 Div

Shunnyboy - Wings On My Feet: Ah, Hohou. It makes me sad that I was a speed freak when the stat largely didn't matter in the RP, and am a slowpoke now that it does. Such is life I suppose. For what it's worth though, every collab I've read with Arashi giving someone from outside our Division a spar or a training session usually goes rather well. You and Kyuketsu are better teachers than you think, but that's just my opinion.

It really made me happy to read that Ryoujin kept the lesson as intangible as he did, as did Mitsu. One of the biggest buzzkills in teaching collabs (for me anyway) is when someone only wants to learn or improve a skill to have X amount of said skill. I want to learn Hohou so I can have 10,000 Hohous and be faster than Shinigami McSmarmypants. It really draws away from the whole thing, that's why I was relieved as I read this that while Arashi has a friggin huge speed advantage over Mitsu it never read that way. You both kept everything very lucid and informal, and both of you came out the better for it.

89/89 + 50 Div

Wayne-o: Chains: See Switch's comments. You both get full points and 50 div.

Corrosion: You can say what you want about not wanting to be a Captain, but you handle yourself very well in a Haori Wayne. Your actions from deciding which way to search to quickly forming a plan of attack against the large Hollow were a good mix of both logic and instinct. Your ending worked very well in piquing interest as well, as of right now I can't really figure out if you're going to have Kyuketsu change Kais, become a Vizard, or ??? Solid work as always my friend.

156/156

 

[Divine Truth]

Just a quick note before I get into the grades: There will be a division thread going up sometime in the near future. It may be this week or early next week at the latest. Really it'll be whenever I get a decent lull from adjusting to the new job.

[Rawb] 50 - Division Bonus
Whoop Yo Ass: [52/52]

-I literally lawl’d at the last line of the chapter. I saw no major issues here.​

Taishuu: [140/140]

-Congrats on becoming a captain!
-Now to the actual writing. As exampled by Makoto’s comments, Kaede and Theron’s tag teaming of Ishin was kinda random. But I suppose that blunt honesty pretty much describes Kaede’s personality, so perhaps it wasn’t that out of the normal.​

[Hiren] 50 - Division bonus
Children of the Grave: [57/57]

-Eau de Trench Warfare? Well that’s quite the interesting descriptor.
-I love how nothing can derail Lucia once she’s got something (crazy) in her mind.​

[Miho]
Shortcut? Not (collab w/ nella): [375/402]

-When it comes to a 16k collab, there really aren’t any shortcuts…
-When speaking of cutting something, the phase you should use is ‘in two’ not the word ‘into’.
-Continue to work on properly identifying when and where to use indefinite articles. The same goes for your tenses.
-‘Where on earth I’m’ should be ‘Where on earth am I.’
-There were several instances where you and Nella repeated something said or done in each other's turns. Try to limit those occasions, it makes things less repetitive for the reader. It also could be looked at as padding your word count, so yeah, try not to do that much if at all.​

[Ish]
Taishuu: [75/75]

-Man, Ishin is catching it from everywhere. From the supplicant, from the peanut gallery, hey, I think I heard the janitor bad mouth him as well.
-Since Rob already had a chat with you about metagaming, I won’t address that again…other than to say I won’t be addressing it with this bullet point. LOL
-Dang, I was ready to write a ‘ZOMG NO ISH-TYPOS’ bullet point, but I did find an ‘I’ that wasn’t capitalized. But I will say that your writing here was cleaner than I’ve seen in a while in this thread. ​

 

[Eidolon]

3rd Division "Its learning time" breakdown

Note: I'll be swinging into the all 3 as a certain bad person soon.

All was quiet in the home front save

Harm - To? 24/24; Nice little interjection, and a exposition about the consequences of toying with powerful abilities. A good preface to your collab with Lil as well;

- Lazy Day 258/258; This series of p-chaps seemed like a foray into a number of fields for you, and I found all your work rewarding as a reader. A more in-depth, down to earth approach to sword play and the nuances of armed combat, the development of bonds in social networks through the use of capital(social), and the sort of friendship that can form from friendly rivalry. If you were preparing for the upcomings PM's with a round of fight writing, you did it well. If you were practicing dialogue with a natural flow, you did it well. In other words, I was entertained.

Even if the others had written, it'd still be: +150 div bonus. Nice work.

From me:
http://www.bleachforums.com/showthr...ins-Week-191-Taishuu-Practical-The-Black-Swan
http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/48335-3rd-Week-191-The-First-Step-Forward