Alright, while I don't feel like this even needs to be said...fuck it. Guys, there's few of us as it is...please don't pull juvenile crap like Shwavey. x-x
ANYWAY, I'm gonna do this from the top down.
VC - Wayne - Bit of a Ruckus: You guys did well in responding, even though there wasn't even any real fight to be had you Shun & Zak kept the flow well. Aside from you keeping in character and acting with the level of responsibility inherent in being a Captain, there's not much left to be said about this one. 35/35
End of Days: Heh, it really doesn't pay to be a right arm in this Division, does it? XD While to my knowledge I've never read you writing Kyuketsu not in uniform, it was a welcome change and further cemented the whole 'day-off' vibe. It was strange how Kyu fell so hard and fast for the girl considering it was their first meeting, but she displayed an unsettling level of balls goading him into striking her, didn't she? The kiss was somewhat expected (strangely enough a scenario similar to this just happened in an anime I'm watching) but the level of Kyuketsu's compliance is still surprising. Needless to say I was glad to see Zansatsu step up, and the unified response at the end of the first chapter was a badass touch.
Chapter two was a surprise too, especially the bit about this girl somehow being Kyu's sister. The second chap ended nicely as a set up for the fight between them, although if Yukihime only has spiritual pressure as a weapon its gonna be a short fight. As a quick aside, you've started using the center alignment more in your writing (just like all us other 11thers who became Captain).
Chapter three: Yey, I love me these KyuKo chapters. =D Really makes me hate Yuki for ruining what could have been an exceedingly rare
aww moment for Kyuketsu. However, you have a great knack for writing holy shit chapters from start to finish, and for all the buildup I really held out hope that Zansatsu wouldn't disappear completely. Fuckin' a, man.
427/427 + 150 Div (Sorry guys, but he busted his ass for this one.)
Co-3rd - Shun - Electrifying Experience - Nice, right off the bat you make me wonder if we as Shinigami can get sick...dammit. Shun seems to attract a lot of...unique individuals in the arena of hunts and missions, although it's a bit of a relief that you won't be bringing a promiscuous psychopath back to meet your mo...Captain.
A side tangent...why are rogue Shinigami always so nonchalant and chatty? You'd really think there'd be more desperation if an entire military organization was out to kill you...
I was about to make a note of using your Clairvaux in this situation, but you kept to what it was designed for nicely. You all did well in writing the fatigue and confined space of the battle, but the end just plain old fell short in my book. Lazarus is a seldom used trick, and it could have made for a good moment of climax to actually have you two fall for it. The convenient super-hearing makes it seem like this collab was being rushed to post by the end of the week. Aside from that, I can't say much. You two did your job, and thread did a good job writing the rogue.
62/64
Ruckus: See Wayne's comments. However, it did amuse me how you both said the same thing about Tsubaki's modesty. XD
36/36
Co-3rd - Switch - Misguided Ideals - May I be blunt? After reading this collab I can't help but think (and say) that you
both have some growing up to do. I realize that there's no love lost on Amaya's part towards Thaleia, but to all-out jump on the loss of someone's Captain like that just seems really below the belt. From a military perspective it seems almost insubordination, regardless of the fact that Hayashi and Hikaru have shared history. He's a Vice-Captain, and for all effects the acting Captain of the Peacekeepers and older to boot, and Amaya really didn't seem too shy about talking down to him.
If it seems like I'm being biased or playing favorites, I ask that you look at it from this perspective: How would Amaya react if Tsubaki had perma-disappeared/been killed and someone was talking to you about how much of a d-bag she was? You both had very solid and very human writing and emotion in this collab, and for all that I see wrong with the situation I want you to know that. It wasn't a bad collab. It was merely bad that Hikaru and Amaya almost seemed to be at each other's throats for the duration. You two have a good dynamic, and I'm hoping to see a sequel to this meeting.
[93/93]
7th Seat - Albino - First off, I'm really damn sorry our collab is taking so long. I'm going to put out as many turns for you this week as my schedule will allow, because by the end of this meeting you're probably going to be another co-3rd seat. Just saying.
Ruckus: Your involvement here was extremely brief, but you said something in character that is very telling of what kind of character Zakeriah truly is.
[COLOR=indigo said:
What made him shudder was knowing there were opponents out there greater than she, someone that could blink him out of existence.
You would not believe how exceedingly rare this type of insight is for characters in the RP. This level of insight mingled with humility does Zakeriah more credit than you think, I only hope you keep this about you.
8/8
The Battle Continues: Right off the bat I love how well you've done in writing the entities present in these chapters besides Zakeriah himself. While up until now he's been nothing less than a hate-blinded twat, the General's last few seconds cast him in an infinitely more human and more identifiable light. While having too many characters present can really damn a chapter if you're not careful (believe me, I've done it more than once) you did a great job of keeping pace with all of them. Jumping from Zak to Mari to Serge and the appropriate enemies in brief but well-written paragraphs helped keep the feel of a chaotic battle firmly in place.
It did seem a little bit of a movie-villain moment when the aspect decided to mull over killing Mari and Serge outright, especially after so adamantly fighting against Zakeriah himself. That being said, Warhawk's entry was well timed, but not entirely surprising.
The jump from the battle to your inner world was somewhat jarring, but given the circumstances it really was necessary. You have a good sense of description in your chapters, and the account of the center of the tower was very well done. Iblis made good use of everything that had previously happened in the battle to force the beast's retreat, and your understatement at the end of the chapter gave me a good laugh too. =)
While (a lot) shorter, the second chapter was a well-written setup for what I know will be a great conclusion.
350/350
Guest - Sweeney Tom - With Eyes Unclouded - Zakeriah is handling you.
PS: You guys can post in the all 11th thread anytime now...
