I’m going to do something a bit differently with the abundance of open collabs this week.
[PM] Abnormal Abnormalities
Overall comments: Apparently the dysfunctional aspects of captains’ meetings have rubbed off on the rank and file. I can’t really say that that’s a good thing.
Trio: [110/112]
-You’re the voice of reason as always, albeit an internal voice of reason this time around.
-There wasn’t much to complain about, just a typo here and there.
Miho: [80/90]
-There were some instances here where it felt like a word was left out on accident. Make sure you read over your turns to make sure you have everything in the best possible condition. Careless mistakes are a cheap way to lose points.
-Continue to work on your tenses: ‘…he was starts’ should simply be ‘he started.’
-Since the issue of NPC use has been brought up, I’ll tie it in here from some things I noticed in this collab and past open collabs. It’s one thing if you bring an NPC into a thread (plot mission or otherwise) and that NPC contributes to the movement of the task at hand. It’s another if you find your character doing little more than summarizing what is going on in the thread and/or interacting/speaking with another character that is also controlled by you. One of your largest turns in this thread was basically a back and forth conversation with yourself. This kinda defeats the purpose of collaboration.
Belexar: [148/154]
-I’m kinda glad the “goddess” label did not continue beyond the first post.
-There were several typos scattered throughout. As I mentioned for Miho, careless mistakes like typos are a lame way to lose points. Proofreading is your friend.
Rawb: [56/58]
-Typos
-When you said ‘draw-lucky’ in one of your turns I’m thinking what you were looking for was ‘draw-happy.’
[/b]
[PM] Someone’s In Charge, Right?
Miho: [84/102]
-Proofreading is important. There were instances of missing words, duplicated words, etc. Word can’t be relied on for everything. Manually reading over your turns for simple errors after you’re done works wonders and prevents you from losing points unnecessarily.
-Dang, what did Shouta ever do to Akako to deserve a knee to the stones?
-In one of your turns you used the word ‘men’s.’ In the context of that sentence, ‘men’ is the appropriate word. The same goes for ‘women’s’ vs. ‘women.’
-Be careful with your indefinite articles. Since you are talking about a specific division (the 12th), the appropriate article would be ‘the.’
Belexar: [130/132]
-Getting kneed in the nuts at a division meeting…that’s a new one.
Rawb: [32/32]
-Wow, did Seiko always feel so strongly towards Mizuki, or is this because of recent events outside of the fourth wall? Just wondering, lol.
Insanely Institutionalized
Miho: [50/60]
-Watch out for the use of ‘quiet’ vs. ‘quite.’ You tend to use ‘quite’ when what you need is ‘quiet.’ Considering that I’ve seen you use ‘quite’ correctly within the same collab, I’ll just chalk it up to a reoccurring typo.
-When speaking of protective eyeware, ‘goggle’ in the singular form is not correct, ‘goggles’ is. Word would not pick up on this mistake because ‘goggle’ means to stare in a wide-eyed fashion.
-Continue to reference and study those links provided in the past when you write. Doing so should have various rules of thumb fresh in your mind and should help you to continue to improve some of your reoccurring errors.
Rawb: [53/53]
-I meant to make an appearance in this thread, but something or another came up. Lame, I know.
For Great Pictures
Miho: [80/83]
-As mentioned before, watch your indefinite articles.
Ish: [??/??]
-What’s so hard about posting a word count? D:<
-PM me a word count and I’ll edit with a grade.
Hack and Slash
Overall comments: This was a quick and dirty training session, honestly, those are the best kind. If something can be done in a compact collab, go for it, no need to make it overly verbose. Both participants had clean writing for the most part, though for Ish in one of your turns it felt like there was a word missing.
Ish and Belexar: [61/61]
[PM] A Crumbling Concert of Chaos
Rawb: [23/23]
Speaking of quick and dirty, this was perhaps a bit too quick. Though considering when the thread started, perhaps quick isn’t the best way to describe this thread after all…
Everyone take
30 of the Division Bonus.
Yeah. Anyways, your writing was relatively clean in this setting, but- BUT- I must implore you to proofread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is a point here where you forget to capitalize another character’s name and other errors just as obvious as that one. I know how things work. You have like five minutes to post a turn so you slap some words together and plop them down. That’s great and all but unless you check to make sure that chicken you put in your salad is cooked all the way, little Jimmy’s going to get dysentery!!!!!!!!! Yup. Yup.
[57/57]