Grading Session for Week 194

[Apeiron]

New month, new trouble, new rotation. DJ! Spin that ~!

AH > 4th/7th > 8th/13th > 3rd > 1st/10th > Orph > 11th > Cerb/Q > 9th > 12th > AH

1st/10th = Will-I-AM
3rd = Vantage
4th/7th = Dipp-eh
8th/13th = Seen
9th = Robob
11th = Beakers
12th = Tetris
AH = Tomas
Cerb/Q = Loony Moony
Orph = Severed​

If you’re having trouble identifying yourself with the above name here’s a test:
Do you normally grade? Yeah, move along.

Get grades in NLT Tuesday 11:59 P.M. EDT​

 

[Rob]

Did not see any of my lovely scientists write - *cough*shade*cough*

[Boobies]

Long-Ass Title Is Way Too Long - [133/133]

-This was a clean and, foremost, an awesome read. You're one of the more descriptive writers out there and it's such a joy reading your work... if only because I have no friggin' clue what's going on, yet at the same time I do.

-Like I said it was clean for the most part, there were only two instances where I went all, "Tsk, tsk, boobies." One of them was where you used an 'a' instead of 'an' in front of the word inquisitive. Another instance was where you didn't really make any error I suppose, but made more of an, in my eyes, poor stylistic choice or it just road really, really odd.

-But, it wasn't enough to make me deduct any points from this grand piece.

Oh, and you can take full Division Bonus if you want.

Links for my broheim-grader Karl: http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/48984-9th-Week-194-Lanterns
http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/48608-PM-10th-OPEN-Week-193-Face-Down

 

[tminus31]

Saw nowt from Wack, so only Dippy today

[Dippy]

Celebration Song - interesting way of promoting people but it works nicely, the letter was very Makoto-ish (is that even a word... well it is now) [53/53] + 150 Div Bonus

EDIT: Face Down - This seemed to end rather abruptly just as things were falling into place, shame really [47/47]​

That's all from me folks, holler if I missed anything. Tom out.

 

[Kehengto]

Ok Orphies, I'll be a grading this week which means this. SEND ME LINKS!!! (beaks/ 11th grader your included in that statement.) Also Read your orders

Will I shall post links here and send them too.



Grades:

Seika: Excellent chapter leading up to the bomb drop. I read the last one you put up where you introduced this character, and I was wondering how things were going to play out. After reading this it all makes sense now, you should hook up with the Eastern squads and really play this up.

[62/63] + PM bonus power = [124/ 63]

Beaks: So yeah it took me a while to read through the warning signs collab mostly because I wanted to see what you saw. I did find it. Overall I liked how you had your piece but most of the collab was the reactions and responses of the division. Nicely done.

Grade:
Dead Horse [70/70] (It’s what I got from Will)
Warning Signs [ 138 / 69] PM included
LPD [ 62 / 63]


Will: Some of this is carry over from last week that was missed.

http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/48843-O-11th-Week-194-Beating-Dead-Horses

http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/48770-PM-O-C-Week-Wait-Where-Is-It

http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/48617-PM-O-Open-Week-193-A-Crumbling-Concert-of-Chaos

enjoy!

 

[swaswj]

Lin - 112/112

Always fun to read Ilsa. She's got an interesting blend of serious and blushing. It's also fun to have an opportunity to write Sayis being a little more human, a little less Soutaichou. Poor Ilsa, though: she just can't catch a break on the embarrassment meter.

50 Div Bonus

Not a Date (4466) 112/112​

Hare - 185/185

Haresuno has some trouble breaking out of the direct, but we'll see how he does in the next test. It might be a little more severe. I have to say, though, I like that you stay in-character with it instead of having him magically change his style.

I would complain about all these chapters being about Hayato, but it seems he's your Kyu. It's good that you're able to keep this arc going so well, although... I think I may have missed it or forgotten it: why doesn't Hayato ask for help from or return to Seireitei?

It's a Trap (3000) 75/75
Hell Still Follows (2195) 110/110​

Lil - 56/56

Short but good turns in here.


PM: Face Down (559) 56/56​

Finny - 110/110

Picca really gets run ragged, eh? I kinda like how the foreman is the only one that really seems to acknowledge her wheelchair. These people don't realize just how powerful the little cyclops is!

Oh that poor Roofba. Its pride!

Pardon (2201) 110/110​

Berri - 104/104

The things March will say are often off the wall, but it's rare to see him (sort of) serious. It's interesting and somewhat depressing. He's not a shining beacon of optimism! A fun collab, but I sometimes feel bad that March has no room to retaliate.

It is quite enjoyable to light March on fire, though.

50 Div Bonus

Child of Circumstance (4150) 104/104​

Bob - 48/48

I need to thank you for the posts here, but I can't tell you why, yet. In any case, good job despite how short the collab was.

PM: Face Down (484) 48/48​

Grif - 132/132

Good job as Mr. Clock. I like how you played him rather well, and the clockwork motions of his 'pets.' Plus you played him as a convincing innocent up until things went crazy, with none of the unnecessary sinister thoughts in your turns. Making an escape when he did was also smart.

Only thing is, if a lonnng-lasting open collab finishes, then you need to get a mod to close it, add a week to it, and make sure everyone's on the same page by adding "Final" to their wordcounts. I don't like being told I 'missed' grading when all the signs point to it still being open.

Not much happening here to comment on.

PM: Face Down (259) 26/26
Child's Play (2126) 106/106
​

Nell - 172/181

This collab showed a lot of improvement over the first one I graded. One thing is that I would like to see you describe Yuurei. A new reader should be able to get a good picture of her any time they read a chapter or collab. Also, be careful with your dialogue transitions.

If the "she said" or "she finished" or something of that sort is connected to the sentence, you should use a comma instead of a period.

"Don't use a period," I explain.

"What if it's a question or an exclamation?" you ask.

"You still use the question or exclamation mark." Lifting a finger, I clarify, "but the 'you ask' is part of the same sentence, so don't capitalize it as if it's a new sentence."

Still a little bit of repetition, where you had Yuurei repeating what was just said to herself. Make sure to minimize that. Again, though, this was a wonderful improvement.

The chapter was also quite good. It had the same dialogue issues noted above, but aside from that it read very well. Though I do have to note that the guy in the dream was very... verbose for how violent he seemed.

50 Div Bonus

Truant (5061) 120/127
If Only (1071) 52/54​

Zenny - 181/181

Collab with you and Tsubaki was interesting. Aragon is surprisingly chummy with the captains (first Ishin, now Tsubaki). I suppose it's only fitting since the relations between shini and AH are supposed to be less restrictive.

Chaos... well, you awoke, you came, you gave orders. Not much to say here.

The other PM collab was short and simple and got a lot covered for how short it was. I like how Cerb and Orph are actually trying to coordinate together.

Beating Dead Horses (2780) 70/70
PM: Crumbling Concert of Chaos (472) 47/47
PM: Wait, Where Is It? (639) 64/64​

For my grader:

0700 - Week 194: PM: Face Down (Open)
3000 - Week 194: It's a Trap! (w/ Haresuno)
4150 - Week 194: Child of Circumstance, pt 2 (w/ Mitsuyo)
4466 - Week 194: Not A Date (w/ Ilsa)
5061 - Week 194: The Truant (w/ Yuurei)

 

[Stephen Tetsu]

Hey there 12th Jerk-offs (I kid, I kid)! It's your friendly neighborhood Tits her for your weekly grading breakdown. Not much for me to grade this week, which makes me happy on a laziness level and sad on every other level, especially since PMs are just kicking into high gear. I'm probably the last person who should be telling you this since I'm going off grid for work purposes in a few weeks starting July 18th but if things in RL are making it harder for you to get those PM turns out in a timely manner don't be afraid to say so and we could probably arrange something. PMs are time relevant, folks, and I sure as hell don't want the 12th div to be the group holding things back for the rest of the HD gang. That being said, I expect to see significant progress made on all of the bounties by grading time next week.


Drag
Child's Play
This went a little long on you guys but I'ma cut you some slack because of the division situation and Griff's computer dying and all that jazz.
You both got to the 10th district rather fast. You've gotta remember that Rukongai is a massive place and traveling time should be taken into account. Buuuuuttt that's kinda picking at nits.
I thought that this hunt was good but distracted at points. There were a couple of moments where I felt as though you got sidetracked with fighting and other stuff rather than getting on with the actual mission. All of that being said, I liked when you actually got around to talking with Dr. Clock and the way that Mitsu and Eiji worked together in their investigation of him and his connection to the children. With all of that said, you didn't actually get Doctor Clock so you effectively failed you mission objective.
Drag: [168/172]
Mitsu: [103/110]


No bounty prizes for you since you failed. But I shall award you 100 Kan each for at least getting the one kid back.


Mitsu
Child's Play
See above. Additionally, there were some rough patches in your writing here where grammar kinda wound up getting kicked in the nuts and left to moan on the streets. Grammar seems a little rushed and disjointed in spots. Mits is rather violent. Not really sure if it ws necessary to murder the crooks but whatever, we're assassins. That' good, 12th div needs to get back to being violent murderers anyways.


[195/203]


Mitsu Buehler's Day Off
I can see that you're really working to build to shikai before PMs let up but it kinda shows that you're rushing to pump stuff out to get where you need to go.

10th PM threadge
Nothing too inherently wrong with your writing here. Once again, you seem to suffer from ADHD turn syndrome where you have 500 things going on in your turn at once. But, w/e.

[40/44]


Tod
Hungry Hungry Hollows
I must say that I actually kind of like the episodic nature of your chapters. It's almost like watching CSI or House or one of those procedural types of shows. This may sound odd coming from neurotic master planner guy but I really like how I can read a complete story in two or three chapters and then move on to the next little arc. That being said, you still have your fair share of little grammar issues and typo-ey sorta things. Things like this:

“[FONT=Verdana, Tahoma, Arial, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif]I just want to know why you ran and what you know about [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Tahoma, Arial, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif]my that noble [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Tahoma, Arial, Calibri, Geneva, sans-serif]I was asking about?”[/FONT]

That being said, I'm not going to be all bitchy about your writing this week. Good stuff overall.


[74/80]


All three of you take 50 DB each. :3




Guest Grade: Tom.
Who are we kidding? You never write anymoar!*


*If you did, plz tell me.

 

[MoonlitRain014]

Well so far it only seems to be Rawb so here goes!

Rawbinawbin

Lanterns (53/53)

I have no criticisms of this short pchappy type thing. I like Letizia as an irritated, sarcastic young woman who has been thrown into a rather confusing and bizarre situation. You write in your inimitable style as always and that's really all I have to add.

Are you sure you want me to grade all 331 words of the second link you have there? It doesn't even seem done to me...


Oh and here are MY links for Beakers!

http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/48948-C-8th-Week-194-First-Aid and http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/48891-C-Week-194-Reawakenings

 

[Code of the Noble]

Notes: Everyone welcome our newest member, Katie! With her arrival it has brought the Eighth Division up to seven folks including myself. Now the 8th has some airtime in PM's with the latest update. Please check the restricted records section. I am waiting on replies to some PM's to the division specific leaders before I begin any PM related threads. So be patient you people you...gosh! :3

Zab/unholy/Kago I did not see any updates in that collab when I went to post, hop to eet so we can get this thingu doen... I am posting my turn tomorrow regardless of any unfinished convos you three are involved in. I want this thing done.

With that said *grabs blowtorch, goggles and jackhammer* tiem to graed...


Pho

Wait what: (53/53)

A couple of minor things, more stylistics than actual errors so I will not deduct points. If you care to know what I am talking about, holler at me in aim and I will show you what I am talking about :3

Threader

First Aid: (25/27)

Thank you for listening to me regarding the she's, her's, and shizuka's. I applaud you sir. There is still a problem with unnecessary words in your writing, such as:

Even though Shizuka wanted to fight the possible hollow, the female shinigami knew that she was in no condition to fight, and hardly even had any reiatsu left after the first fight.

In order to catch these errors you will need to read over your turns carefully.

Cheese

The philosophy of hats: zero... just kidding (107/107)

How daer you even think that way of nobles... That is all *smug look*

Katie:

And the new girl would write the most, lol. All in all I really like your character and cannot wait to collab with you for your intro and or training of your first division tech. That turn will be coming soon as soon as I find out what direction we will take in PM's. Again welcome to the Eighth my darling!

The Philosophy of Hats: (104/107)

Your writing is really nice, me likey. However there are a few things I would like to point out. You dont have to capitalize words like zanpakutou, shikai (no space, it is one word), kidou, etc in the middle of your sentences. Also some of your dialogue punctuation was off. Only when it came to question marks and exclamations.

Example:

“What!?” she exclaimed.

Not

“What!?” She exclaimed.

First Impressions: (60/60)

I wont deduct any points for the same things I already mentioned, unless you continuously do these things AFTER I mention them in each of your writings.

Days Go By: lol I liked that song: (76/77)

Firstly, thank you for taking out quoted word-counts in your writing. Secondly, the only issue I found is with the use of parenthesis and quotes in the same instance. Sene no likey that. Pick one or the other, not both.

This is what I am talking about:

(“You only live once,”)

A girl and her Katana: (79/79)

Oddly enough your punctuation was on point here. There were those errors with capitalization, but I wont dock points for that again.

Lost in Seireitei: (55/55)

LOL is all I will say here. Yeh you keep sticking to your character like this and a lot of people will have fun with you in the future.

Ok Ms. Katie you may have the full 150 Division bonus (this bonus only applies to rei/zan/hak/ho/kidou, not connection). It seems to me you have a good handle on how to do stats from my conversation with you last night, but just to run things down.

Raw grade goes to both reiatsu and connection. Division bonus goes only to rei and stats, excluding connection. Zan/Hak/Ho/Kidou = Reiatsu.

Once you have distributed your rei into your stats. Multiply each stat, including connection by 1.1. Round your numbers up, never down. If you run into the issue of numbers be off by 1 or 2 in comparison of stats to rei, even out your rei to match stats. This is what I was told in day one and I am sticking to it.

IF I missed any grading... tough as I asked you all to PM me links til end of PM's. Just kidding, but seriously PM me your links until the end of PM's so I dont miss things. Thank you.

 

[Beaks]

Alrighty, I've decided to follow this prana when it comes to grading. I will continue to hunt down links, I honestly don't mind. However, if I miss grading something of yours (due to incomplete [Faction] tagging, human error, etc) it is on you to let me know. Whether that be by PM or IM or carrier pigeon is up to you.

That being said, let's get to it.

A Bunch Like You Should Wear A Warning: Why am I grading this one by Collab rather than on an individual basis? Simple. Firstly, our entire damn Div was in this collab and I don't wanna write the same impressions of how each of you acted five times. As a whole, you all did well in keeping in character and not mysteriously knowing more than you should. Each of you had a very rational and human questioning of Tsubaki's character after she came back from HM, regardless of if you kept it in your character's thoughts or voiced the concern aloud. Wayne, I liked the unease you pursued (albeit mentally, as remaining stoic in front of the Division was ((rightly, character-wise)) Kyuketsu's MO) and quickly overcame. Switch, Amaya's actions in this one were a little disconcerting, to be frank. Amaya has been to HM as well, and she knows most of the foes to be found there are in the 'not-fucking-around' category. That being said, the emphasis on teamwork and relying on your comrades that is present in the Blood Templar (See Prev Summer PM's) is as stark of a departure as I can get from Masato's way of running things. However, as you have pursued me about a collab we'll explore that further).

Shun, you get crazy ass brownie points for going toe-to-toe with Tsubaki about ideology in front of her entire Division. You handled my attitude and speech with a nature that questioned every aspect possible but never diverted itself into insubordination. Kudos. Al, I notice more and more Zakeriah rising to the occasion as far as command of soldiers is concerned. The bit about wanting Kyuketsu's job explains that, I suppose. As some additional homework I'd like to you take a look at the past appointments of Vice Captain in the 11th (Under my command & Leon's, if possible) to kind of get a feel for what you would be in for. Wayne has made no notice of wanting to leave his position, so if this is a plot arc you want to pursue it would be worth talking to him as well to see what's what. I have...-counts- three Third-Seats at the moment but I'm not sure if I can have multiple vices.

Firefly, as you and I worked out your turn before you posted it you have my comments already.

Wayne: 61/61 + 30 Div
Shun: 51/51 + 30 Div
Switch: 50/50 + 30 Div
Albino: 68/68 + 30 Div
Firefly: 9/9 (Less than 1,000 words, sry)

Al - Long Past Due: You get what I get brah, watch for Ken's grading post. Add 15 Div to it.

Wayne: EoD: I didn't notice any errors on your part, and I'm not ashamed to say that I fuckyea'd when you punched that fucker square in his stupid face. As I've never read you changing Kai before this point I find myself very excited as to what the next week will bring. 250/250 + 15 Div

 

[Code of the Noble]

Missed grading from prior week.

Unwholey

Days After Days: (172/172)

Seems like a bunch of howdy dooty and whatnot, really dont have an opinion on this chapter as there was not alot going on other than catch-up. The writing seemed on point, thus no deductions.

 

[Divine Truth]

Pop Quiz
Trio & Hiren: [52/54]

-Akio has to be the second easiest target for shenanigans in the Gotei right now. Ilsa is the first if you’re curious.
-The world will end if Lucia and Yayoi end up together in some situation or another… let’s make it happen.
-As for the quality of writing here, the collab was well written for the most part and a good read. But there were a handful of nagging typos and careless errors.​

[Miho]
Piercing the Veil: [58/73]

-Since the volume of writing from you is merciful this week, I’ll try to point out as many things as I can to help you refine your English. Corrections and explanations are under the spoiler tag.

Many days passed since the last time Kumiho visited her inner world. All of them were filled with [strike]a[/strike] [‘a’ is not necessary here] hard work not only in the hospital or on the missions but also at [strike]the trainings[/strike] training to become better [this sentence as a whole is a bit on the awkward side, but removing ‘the’ and leaving training in the singular form helps clean it up slightly]. So she will be good enough to beat another trial that her spirit set up.

How many days have passed since I heard your voice for the first time? And still only [strike]new and new[/strike] more and more trials to pass. When will it end? she thought to herself sitting at the bench before the division barracks.

When I [strike]knew[/strike] know that you won’t kill yourssself welding me or when you will be ready to ussse full [strike]extend[/strike] extent of my powersss after I reveal to you my name, [strike]a[/strike] the [remember, when speaking of a specific spirit (even though Anya doesn’t know the name yet) that has been previously introduced you use ‘the’ instead of ‘a’] spirit voice echoed inside her head.

Sounds like you posses quite a scary power, Anya joked.

Don’t try to take me too lightly. Leave that ignoranccce for what we both cccould really do to our enemiesss…, in the spirit voice was a hint of some mystery about it abilities. [This sentence was also a bit awkward, not so much in a grammatical sense, but more so that it kinda doesn’t make much logical sense as worded.]

Still it sounds scary, she was still in good mood.

Don’t feel too ssscccared by the power that [strike]bornsss[/strike] is born from the deepessst partsss of your own sssoul. SSSo are you ready for another try to beat my ssso cccalled boring trial or ssshould I give you [strike]a[/strike] [‘a’ is not necessary here] more time, the spirit voice was indicating that she was trying to [strike]taut[/strike] taunt [‘taut’ means firm or tightly stretched, ‘taunt’ means provoke/ridicule someone, I’m thinking it’s the latter that word that you were going for here] to her owner.

Kumiho sat for a moment quietly before, [a comma is not really necessary here] she slowly [strike]standing[/strike] stood up and [strike]then walking[/strike] walked toward her room. There the young healer sat comfortable on the bed and putting her sword on [color]her lap started to concentrate on relaxing with closed eyes.

“SSSo you decccide to visit me?” the snake lady greeted her in inner world.

“Why shouldn’t I do this?” the female healed replied with an [strike]answer for the answer[/strike]. [I’m not sure if you were meaning to say ‘an answer for the question’ or ‘a question for the question’, because either option makes more sense here.

“Maybe becccaussse you feel too weak for it,” the spirit answered with a calm voice. Behind her from the sand was slowly rising a humanoid hollow, the same she [strike]meets[/strike] met [since we are speaking of something that happened in the past, past tense is necessary here, not present progressive] the last time.

“[strike]Do I must[/strike] Must I [or ‘Do I have to’] fight this tough beast again?” Anya asked and [color]a second later her opponent burst forward with a killing intent. [Combining ‘Anya asked’ and the hollow bursting forward to attack into one sentence made things a bit jumbled together.]

“He’sss your enemy. Beat him and we move our relationssship a little bit further,” she said when the sand chair appeared behind her. Then the spirit sat on it having a good view on the fight.

“Then,” young medic said dodging with [strike]easy[/strike] ease the first attack. “Let dance.”

“Bakudou number twenty seven, Keeji!” Kumiho called out loud jumping backward. Hollow tried to attack her but he left too much time for her to cast that bypassed spell and only radiating with a sheer fury became closed inside the steel cage.

“So I got you, [strike]a[/strike] little bird,” the female mocked her immobilized enemy. In response he just [strike]pours[/strike] poured some of his power into breaking the cage. Surprisingly it was working causing the bars to slowly crumble under his pressure.

Damn, she thought and standing in proper place started to chant another spell.

“Ye Lord! Mask of flesh and bone, all creation, flutter of wings, ye who bears the name of Man! Truth and temperance, Upon this sinless wall of dreams unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws! Hadou number thirty three, Soukatsui!” Kumiho was saying the spell words almost flawlessly. A swirling blue sphere formed before one of her hands and burst forward at the monster. In [strike]a[/strike] the last moment before it hit he manage to free himself [strike]and[/strike] before jumping [strike]on[/strike] to the side to dodge the attack.

Okay so that didn’t work. Let see if I can gain upper hand in terms of sheer speed and reaction time, Anya thought unsheathing her sword and standing in [strike]the[/strike] a defense pose [since you aren’t speaking about a specifically named defensive or referenced pose, ‘the’ is not appropriate here]. The beast for a moment looked at her with his golden eyes like it was trying to mesmerize his opponent [this sentence would be better if reworded: ‘For a moment the beast looked at her with his golden eyes like it was trying to mesmerize ‘ or something to that effect]. She used this short moment to start chanting the next spell.

“Hadou number thirty three, Soukatsui!” the healer called out the spell, firing the blue projectile at the enemy. Like the last time they [strike]meet[/strike] met he [strike]jumps[/strike] jumped out of its way and with a swift move[strike]runs[/strike] ran around her to attack from behind.

Predictable, the medic thought and turning around a little bit parried his attack. For a moment he stopped, surprised by this turn of events. Anya used this to increase her distance from him.

“I won’t fail twice for that. Try to think about a new trick,” she yelled toward him, again assuming the defense stance.

Good. SSShe remembered that attack and reacccted the way ssshe ssshould, the snake lady noted mentally watching the fight from her sand chair. Her armor slowly morphed into the robe.

The beast stood still for a moment like he was trying to come up with a new plan to attack her. So when Kumiho [strike]ponders[/strike] pondered if he would just stand like that until her attack, the hollow started to charge a red sphere of energy.

Cero, she thought jumping to the side to avoid the blast. Immediately after firing it he started [strike]to[/strike] running toward her. Not having any idea what to do, the female shinigami tried to run away from him at top speed. After she stopped with a little surprise noticed that he stopped at place where she was moment ago and looking around.

[strike]Does he couldn’t[/strike] Was he not able to follow my moves [or movements] when I run as fast as I could? the healer thought, using the short moment of her enemy’s confusion.

“Hadou number seven, Talon!”

Hearing her voice the hollow turned into the correct direction and started to charge another cero. She crouched and using newly formed claws slashed across ground causing to form a small sand cloud before her. When the blast hit [strike]a[/strike] the slowly settling [strike]down[/strike] [‘down isn’t really necessary since ‘settling’ confers downward motion in the context of this sentence] sand Anya [strike]runs[/strike] ran around the enemy and attacked, aiming at the back of his head. But when he felt [strike]a[/strike] the cold steel starting to [strike]burry[/strike] bury [Word did not catch this mistake since ‘burry’ is a valid word (meaning covered in burrs)] into the back of his head, he instinctively [strike]dive[/strike] dove [this is ‘dove’ as in the past tense of dive, not the bird] forward.

Almost got him, she cursed in her thoughts when the blade only cut a shallow wound.

“Would you toy with him like that or jussst finisssh that fight having an upper hand?” the snake spirit yelled at her.

That [strike]causes[/strike] caused her to lose concentration for a while. The hollow used this[strike]temporal[/strike] temporary opening to launch a counterattack, which she manage to block at the last second. After jumping back Kumiho instantly attacked by charging at him holding her sword ahead. Not having even time to react beast howled when the blade pierced its abdomen. She let go the handle and putting all her strength smashed his head with both hands. For seconds that lasted like an eternity nothing happened and then starting with a small crack the whole mask shattered in one moment revealing [strike]monstrosity[/strike] monstrous face under it.

“What the heck?” she mumbled when the beast’s face was the same as her own face.

~~~​

“Yes. So now I suppose you see me enough worthy to reveal your name,” Anya said.


“You [strike]could[/strike] can [‘can’ is more appropriate here unless Maya is trying to leave doubt as to whether or not that is her actual name] call me Maya,” the snake spirit said with a smirk. “Do you think you will find out now which one of those swords is me?”

“I suppose I could,” Kumiho replied with the same attitude.

“Then be my [strike]quest[/strike] guest,” Maya said and sat on the sand chair.

The female shinigami just smiled and with partially closing eyes called out loud one word. “Maya.”

Slowly [strike]around her started to swirl wind[/strike] the wind started to swirl around her causing each sword caught in it to dissolve into the sand and swirl around her like a sand whirlpool. After a moment almost all swords become part of the whirlpool. Looking around Anya noticed that somewhere on the edge of the swirling mass of [strike]the[/strike] [‘the’ is not necessarily wrong here, but to me it seems unneeded] sand there was still one sword. Reaching with her arm towards it she [strike]causes[/strike] caused it to fly directly to her open hand. When the healer [strike]get[/strike] got a grip on its handle everything calmed down.

“Congratulation. But don’t get yourself hurt trying out me outside of this place,” the spirit chuckle before she started to dissolve.

“Wait. Why do you talk differently now, like without all this hissing?” the healer called out.

For a moment it was only [strike]a[/strike] [‘a’ is not necessary here] silence.

“You still don’t know much about me partner. But this tiny information I could reveal to you now,” Maya spoke along with the gust of wind. “If I wish I could talk normal but that is reserved for a special occasion or when I have such a whim.”

“Well then, till the next meeting Maya,” Anya said and [strike]closer[/strike] closed eyes.

Opening them again she was back into the room [this sentence is awkward, a bit of rewording would improve it]. Her zanpakutou was still laying on her nap. Smiling faintly Kumiho [strike]stand[/strike] stood up and sheathing it left the barracks heading toward the nearest gate leading to Rukongai.

When you get usssed to usssing my new form we will talk about learning a few tricksss, the sword spirit said with a half sleepy voice.

-With that out of the way, huzzah! Anya has learned the name of her zanpakutou at last! Congrats.
​

[Belexar]
A Bunch Like You Should Wear A Warning: [73/74]

-Wait, what’s this? A philosophical discussion amongst the Eleventh Division? NOT IN MY GOTEI! And apparently Tsubaki agrees.[/i].
-I’m beginning to wonder how some shinigami remain sane with their zanpakutou constantly rambling on and on in their heads….
-Your turns were pretty clean in this thread, but there were a couple of stray typos that got you dinged a point.​

I saw nothing from Sene. If I’ve missed anything just give me a shout and I’ll take care of it. Everyone may take 35 of the Division Bonus a piece.

 

[Eidolon]

3rd division 'I sqlite and java' breakdown -



Will - Face down 70/70; Didn't see any errors, and it was good writing over all. It must be good to be the soutaichou, breaking the rules and telling those who get riled up to stuff it.

It's a trap - 75/75; An interesting means to draw in vict . . . I mean candidates to the exam. Once again, you had clean writing. I do like how Sayis was emphasizing that the proper use of kidou is not just blowing people away, but the creative application of what you've got against the environment and situation you're in. Its sort of a naruto-esque theme, but honestly, its one I've always digged.

Child of Circumstance - 104/104; A good round of philosophical discussion. One thing I appreciated, being a bit more informed on the stances and structures outlined by some philosophies, is that the characters in this writing launched an entirely personal inflection on the beliefs they purposed. I also liked Sayis's logical leap that March's world view was a mechanism to escape the responsibility for his behavior: he should have stuck on that one.

Not a date - 112/112; I take offense at your office comment: Theron's is brightly lit and while conspicuously *not* personalized, its comfortable and inviting. Just have to get over the fear he'll chop you to bits for bothering him, that's all! -200 points. Moving on, I'm not a guy who enjoys fluffy collabs in general, and that's definitely where this was, but both of you wrote well and kept a good pace and interaction going. I was not in pain, and that's saying something!

The Truant - 127/127; Again, clean and crisp writing. It was a div tech collab, but, you two took a good spin on it to make it a bit more entertaining. Good job.

Not because you wrote so much, but because you wrote so much well: +150 db