Shadypoo
Backfiring Weaponry – [11/23]
-Okay, I very much planted my face inside the back of my palm on this collaboration you burst into. I realize that you had to, because of how the PMs are going and I think you did a great job making sure they couldn’t assassinate that poor guy, but listen: don’t forget to proofread.
At first I just wanted to show you some errors, but then I realized there were errors sprinkled throughout the entire two of your turns. ERRORS. IN. TWO. TURNS. Tsk, tsk, Shade. I say, “Tsk, tsk.”
Shinigami Down – [105/110]
-Okay, this one was relatively clearer than your other collaboration, but you still have a lot of errors sprinkled throughout your writings… especially when it comes to ending dialogues.
If what comes after the dialogue is explaining how someone said given dialogue you end it with a comma, and no capitalization of the first letter after the dialogue like so:
“Why are you doing this?” she spoke as if she wasn’t expecting an answer.
If what comes after the dialogue has nothing to do with explaining how someone said given dialogue you end it with a period, and start the new sentence with a capitalized first letter like such:
“I… excuse me?” Placing his hands in front of him, the young man stared at them for a while. They weren’t that big, were they?
If you find yourself in a bind because your dialogue ends with either an exclamation point, or a question mark… refer back to the above. Does it tell you how the person said the dialogue? If yes, start the new sentence without a capitalized letter. If not, do what the Romans do.
Anywho, to celebrate you writing, take 100 Division Bonus with you.
Cadypan
Worst Retirement Home Ever – [152/156]
-In yer twentieth post, you wrote: “He looked her up and down and sucked at his teeth, “Yeah I’ll help ya.””
The comma here is not necessary, especially since you’ve already used two different versions of ending, or starting a dialogue with commas.
As a general rule, if it doesn’t explain how someone said it, or with what kind of voice… don’t use a comma to lead it in.
-It was clean for the most part and I enjoyed the fact that Belexar made quite the fool out of himself, again, and that Ishin was all “Herp derp,” on you guys. A fitting title, I should say, lol. I have to admit, though, all these Twelfth bounties… ugh, so confusing.
Saints and Sinners – [64/65]
-You know, your title made me think of Pale Blue Dot by Story of the Year - where the lyrics go something like this: “Every saints and sinners in the history of our species.” Yeah…
-Anywho… first sentence of your very first chapter and I run into this: If I you won’t help me, I’ll do this alone.
So… what is this I don’t even? If I you? Get rid of that I next time, please.
-Ooooooh, mystique and general confusing ensues within my mind. I thought this was a nice and somewhat spiffy set of chapters. Not sure if this is a prologue kind of thing, or if this is already somewhere halfway through your work, but I thought it was interesting nonetheless.
Backfirign adasdasdad – [36/36]
-Nothing to see here, carry on.
-No, but I didn’t see anything inherently wrong so I’m not going to be bitching about you only having written two turns, just like my shadypoo. Oh well, enjoy your 36 pointsu, sir.
Also, take the rest – 50 – of the Division Bonus with you, you’ve earned it.
…Or something.
(kidding). I had no issues with your writing and therefore you get full points. 
Chapterthatshouldabeenlinkedtomeasirequestednumeroustimeswhilepmsarestillgoinonbutvanisvanandseneisagoodmansohegradesitanywayandgivesfullpoints (75/75):